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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That "Matryr Mums" should maybe chill?

272 replies

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:42

Martyr Mothers

They like to tell their children how much they've sacrificed for the children, how much they are giving up by putting their children first. I've heard the term before and seen some. I've just googled this and it got me wondering:

"You?ve just tidied your 10-year-olds bedroom, whipped up two batches of cookies for the school fete, bathed the dog, wrestled with sticky paper to cover your teenagers? school books, and realised you didn?t even stop for lunch today.

Does this sound just a little bit like you?

The martyrdom trap

All parents make some sacrifices for their children; it?s a normal part of parenthood. What?s not ok is when selfless sacrifices are taken to extremes, says Professor Matt Sanders, Clinical Psychologist, Founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program, and Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at University of Queensland.

?This is when parents fall into the martyrdom trap,? he says. ?Some parents suppress their own needs to such a degree that they become angry, miserable, and depressed,? he says.

Self sacrifice also has an evil twin that contributes to martyrdom ? over protectiveness, and when the two join forces martyrdom mayhem results.

Martyr mums want to protect their child, and do things for them, but what they?re inadvertently teaching their child is that they can?t do it for themselves.

What do you think, can you make too many sacrifices?

DO children have to fit in with out lives or do our lives change because we have children.

Where is the line?

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 15/09/2011 21:18

The Real Minto All good points. IMO never stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of the kids, you get out of them for the sake of the kids but 30 years ago attitudes were so different.

Cory all teens are martyr's, demanding they clean their rooms is a form of parental abuse don't cha know? Wink

OP posts:
RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 21:20

This is NOT a boast, but I nearly choked on my vodka tea when DD2 told me that not only did she get an A* in her RE GCSE, she also got 100 fucking percent in it. How the fuck she did that defeats me. The child has NEVER been in a church apart from to be a bridesmaid. I told her she could perhaps be a nun. She reminded me that they probably wouldn't have her.

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/09/2011 21:22

St. Christopher, but he got barred.

AnneWiddecomesArse · 17/09/2011 18:42

I've considered and read it all.
My feed back is fuck off and get lost.
If you were a real mother; really struggling with these issues; you would have researched it prior. But you clearly haven't.

Mitmoo · 17/09/2011 18:54

Anne who are you "fucking off" to?

OP posts:
Kayano · 17/09/2011 18:57

I have returned tonight and am even more confused. I am watching masterchef if anyone is interested lol x

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 17/09/2011 18:58

Has LOTM been banned? Hmm After last weekends shennaigans I'm not surprised.
I could be St Starbucks -patron saint of coffee shop partakers.

Mitmoo · 17/09/2011 19:01

Im watching Come Dine with Me, Must be a foodie night tonight on the television.

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 17/09/2011 19:01

I'll bags St Mary of Poppins th3n Grin

Kayano · 17/09/2011 19:03

I'm flicking between the two. Masterchef and CDwM Grin

I also bought a new bookshelf today and now have a dedicated cookery shelf. 4 book cases in a tiny 2 bed semi is Bad right Blush

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 17/09/2011 19:07

DH got a letter yesterday asking if he would like to audition for CDWM. No idea who recommended him, he'd struggle to warm up 2 pot noodles simultaneously Grin

Kayano · 17/09/2011 19:09

That's prob why they nominated him!!!! Good television, lots for Dave Lamb to take the piss out of.

I would love to do it. I can only make 4 dishes though lol

Mitmoo · 17/09/2011 19:10

Kayano he just has to go for it.

I sooooooooooooo want to slap the stuck up cawwww on Come Dine with me right now.

Snotty pretentious trout. :-)

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 17/09/2011 19:11

Dave Lamb is the voice over guy right? Bliddy funny. He really helps to make the show.

OP posts:
RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 17/09/2011 20:24

How did we get from martyr mums to CDWM????

Mitmoo · 17/09/2011 20:27

It happens, it normally starts with "martyr Mums" and ends with a bun fight.

Be grateful. Wink

OP posts:
RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 17/09/2011 20:36

I thought there was a pathetic attempt at a bunfight in the middle somewhere..... nicely deflected by talk of pot noodles and kettles and other such bollocks. As is usual. Grin

Mitmoo · 17/09/2011 20:43

Don't cha just love Mumsnet rock.

OK Lottery now, am I a millionaire.

41 feck
6 feck
03 cool
44 feck
02 cool
45 feck feck feck.

10 wank one ball earlier and I'd have got a tenner.

Work tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wink

OP posts:
AnneWiddecomesArse · 20/09/2011 15:26

Oh Sorry Mitmoo. My Fil died.
The you referred to you. Sorry for the omission.

lesley33 · 20/09/2011 15:35

You are right there are a small number of mums like this.

I remember meeting another mum who was telling me how difficult her life was. She worked full time and never had a minute to herself as she also looked after her 2 sons. She complained to me about the amount of time it took making their meals, washing and generally looking after them.

I was very sympathetic and asked how old her children were expecting them to be young. She said they're 16 and 18. I was gobsmacked!

festi · 20/09/2011 15:40

sounds like carrie bradshaw wrote that.

fanjobanjowanjo · 20/09/2011 15:54

Thanks for the squash tip - i love it but peeling it is like trying to peel my own eyes out.

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