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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That "Matryr Mums" should maybe chill?

272 replies

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:42

Martyr Mothers

They like to tell their children how much they've sacrificed for the children, how much they are giving up by putting their children first. I've heard the term before and seen some. I've just googled this and it got me wondering:

"You?ve just tidied your 10-year-olds bedroom, whipped up two batches of cookies for the school fete, bathed the dog, wrestled with sticky paper to cover your teenagers? school books, and realised you didn?t even stop for lunch today.

Does this sound just a little bit like you?

The martyrdom trap

All parents make some sacrifices for their children; it?s a normal part of parenthood. What?s not ok is when selfless sacrifices are taken to extremes, says Professor Matt Sanders, Clinical Psychologist, Founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program, and Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at University of Queensland.

?This is when parents fall into the martyrdom trap,? he says. ?Some parents suppress their own needs to such a degree that they become angry, miserable, and depressed,? he says.

Self sacrifice also has an evil twin that contributes to martyrdom ? over protectiveness, and when the two join forces martyrdom mayhem results.

Martyr mums want to protect their child, and do things for them, but what they?re inadvertently teaching their child is that they can?t do it for themselves.

What do you think, can you make too many sacrifices?

DO children have to fit in with out lives or do our lives change because we have children.

Where is the line?

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 15/09/2011 11:10

Fuck me, I got deleted for repeating a phrase. That's got to be a first. Grin

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 17:56

You and me both SS. Very odd.

SarahStratton · 15/09/2011 18:02

A quiche of two. Wonder who else will join us. Hmm

Where is St Mitmoo today?

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 18:22

Fark knows.

Yes, a cosy quiche. I shall bring chocolates.

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/09/2011 18:22

So what did you both say that got you deleted then?
Nosy.
And where is Mitmoo?
And why has LadyoftheManor been banned?
Tis all very strange.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 18:24

Arse

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 18:25

and

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 18:25

Gravy

Kayano · 15/09/2011 18:27

I'm chillin today Grin

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 18:27

No idea where Mitmoo is, but I have only really just come on here this evening. That damn real life got in the bloody way again. Wretched urchin needed feeding AND bathing FFS.

I don't know why LOTM has been banned, suspect it may be because of some deeply unpleasant comments over the past week or so. In fact deeply unpleasant is a possibly understatment.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 18:28

Evening Kayano. I suppose I should untie your hands and feet now Grin

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/09/2011 18:39

That's why you got deleted? Confused
But.. but... ok I won't repeat it in case I get deleted.
How ridiculous.

Kayano · 15/09/2011 18:40

Thank you. Also... The gimp mask please. I have not had a drink all day Blush

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/09/2011 19:51

Is anybody out there?
Spookee music.
Gravy.

SarahStratton · 15/09/2011 19:52

Arse
Bum
Fuck

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/09/2011 20:36

Arse
gravy
There, I've said it.
Kayano is lovely, we can have a quiche Kayano, just you and me and Sarah and Rock.

SarahStratton · 15/09/2011 20:45

Lovely. An exclusive quiche. Grin

Kayano · 15/09/2011 20:46

I am looking forward to quiche Grin
We are very exclusive ha!

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 20:53

Quiche Kayano Grin

LBE - daring girl!

Salmotrutta · 15/09/2011 20:57

Oi - I got deleted too y'know and was ecstatic with pride.
I demand quiche!

St Joan was probably a good egg I reckon.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 15/09/2011 21:06
SarahStratton · 15/09/2011 21:10

I don't know any saints. I mostly slept through RE. Blush

Salmotrutta · 15/09/2011 21:11
Grin

Whinging works - Fact.

Salmotrutta · 15/09/2011 21:12

Oh I don't know much about them either apart from some names.

There was a St Agnes who had her breasts cut off Shock Shock - not sure why Confused

SarahStratton · 15/09/2011 21:15

Perhaps she wanted to be an Amazon. Hmm