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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That "Matryr Mums" should maybe chill?

272 replies

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:42

Martyr Mothers

They like to tell their children how much they've sacrificed for the children, how much they are giving up by putting their children first. I've heard the term before and seen some. I've just googled this and it got me wondering:

"You?ve just tidied your 10-year-olds bedroom, whipped up two batches of cookies for the school fete, bathed the dog, wrestled with sticky paper to cover your teenagers? school books, and realised you didn?t even stop for lunch today.

Does this sound just a little bit like you?

The martyrdom trap

All parents make some sacrifices for their children; it?s a normal part of parenthood. What?s not ok is when selfless sacrifices are taken to extremes, says Professor Matt Sanders, Clinical Psychologist, Founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program, and Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at University of Queensland.

?This is when parents fall into the martyrdom trap,? he says. ?Some parents suppress their own needs to such a degree that they become angry, miserable, and depressed,? he says.

Self sacrifice also has an evil twin that contributes to martyrdom ? over protectiveness, and when the two join forces martyrdom mayhem results.

Martyr mums want to protect their child, and do things for them, but what they?re inadvertently teaching their child is that they can?t do it for themselves.

What do you think, can you make too many sacrifices?

DO children have to fit in with out lives or do our lives change because we have children.

Where is the line?

OP posts:
RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:43

Showing your age there, Reeling old bean Grin

Proudnscary: Fuck knows.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:46

ROCKSTOCK

I shall just report ignore you.

tethersend · 14/09/2011 22:46

BTP, I reported you for your malicious attack on my good name when you implied that I didn't have the butternut squash recipe. I mean, I could have had the butternut squash recipe.

Actually, I'm still upset.

tethersend · 14/09/2011 22:47

Do you think we could get every post on the thread deleted?

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 22:48

Message deleted by Mumsnet

Aubergine is better than butternut squash because my goat said so.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:50

BTP - she's a tender soul, be careful..

Reeling I know you won't. Because you can't.

Reindeer, I am inclined to agree with your goat.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:50

Tethersend... Too much like hard work...
Although I would like to use this new report post option that I have now found Grin

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:52

At least I asked and stuck around and wasn't malicious and reporting people. I actually quite like you folk Smile

I really thought there was a butternut squash thing lol - what a div

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:52
BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:54

I luff you RockStock

Is Kayano a gimp now?Grin

Moominsarescary · 14/09/2011 22:55

Where have all the posts gone, what's going on lately soon we won't be able to say anything

Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 22:55

Oooh, I'm deliriously excited.
I was deleted - for the first time ever! Grin
And I'm not even sure quite why! Grin Shock Grin

... but I suspect it's 'cos I sniggered at that phrase.

...

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:56

Oh BTP, I shall have to educate you with some glorious aubergine dishes. I promise you they are not oozing with oil.

Yeah, Reeling, you're alright too I suppose

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:57

Salmo - it's probably because you're a cunt. Just a guess.

tethersend · 14/09/2011 22:57
Peachy · 14/09/2011 22:58

DH's mother is Queen Martyr. It's unpleasant and did not make a happy childhood; he always felt he had let ehr down and her efforts unrewarded.

me? i fell like I am being martyrd if I so much as wash up when everyone is watching TV and refuse to have any of it! I am stroppy mum.

Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 22:58

Oh well, obvs - goes without sayin' innit?

Grin
tethersend · 14/09/2011 22:58

If someone made me choose between an aubergine and a butternut squash, I honestly don't know what I'd do. It would be too hard.

MadameDefarge · 14/09/2011 22:58

i think you are all being OPist.

Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 22:59
RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:59

We're on to butternut squash vs. aubergine now though to be fair.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 23:00
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