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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That "Matryr Mums" should maybe chill?

272 replies

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:42

Martyr Mothers

They like to tell their children how much they've sacrificed for the children, how much they are giving up by putting their children first. I've heard the term before and seen some. I've just googled this and it got me wondering:

"You?ve just tidied your 10-year-olds bedroom, whipped up two batches of cookies for the school fete, bathed the dog, wrestled with sticky paper to cover your teenagers? school books, and realised you didn?t even stop for lunch today.

Does this sound just a little bit like you?

The martyrdom trap

All parents make some sacrifices for their children; it?s a normal part of parenthood. What?s not ok is when selfless sacrifices are taken to extremes, says Professor Matt Sanders, Clinical Psychologist, Founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program, and Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at University of Queensland.

?This is when parents fall into the martyrdom trap,? he says. ?Some parents suppress their own needs to such a degree that they become angry, miserable, and depressed,? he says.

Self sacrifice also has an evil twin that contributes to martyrdom ? over protectiveness, and when the two join forces martyrdom mayhem results.

Martyr mums want to protect their child, and do things for them, but what they?re inadvertently teaching their child is that they can?t do it for themselves.

What do you think, can you make too many sacrifices?

DO children have to fit in with out lives or do our lives change because we have children.

Where is the line?

OP posts:
RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 23:31
Grin
reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:33

Mother Theresa liked Prawns in a nice Marie Rose sauce.

GypsyMoth · 14/09/2011 23:33

Well this thread fell flat!!

Where is mitmoo?

Kayano · 14/09/2011 23:34

My mum did pressure me to marry in the catholic church despite me not believing giving a shit because if not for her and Carholic church where would I be?

God forbid what it will be
Like with this kid is born and baptism is mentioned!

Ack!

avoids

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:35

Do you mean St Mitmoo?

She's off munching prawns.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 23:37

She better not be munching my prawns. [scowl]

I am going to attempt to walk away from my laptop now and go to bed. Well after midnight and I am fucked. For want of a better word.

Night all.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:38

In St Marie Rose sauce.

Yuck

LadyBeagleEyes · 14/09/2011 23:38

I had prawns for my dinner tonight in garlic butter. Fresh, still in their shells, and deeelicious.
Don't know fuck all about martyrs though. Are they the same as saints?

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:38

Night Rock.....

Me too.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 23:39

yy agree with BTP. Again.

Kayano - your baby, no one can make that decision OR force you by whatever means to make it apart from you and DP/DH.

NormanTheForeman · 14/09/2011 23:40

I'm a martyr to my kettle......

Kayano · 14/09/2011 23:41

Eeee I'm off th bed too
Night all
Enjoyed adding to the drama

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:45

Night Kayano

IrmaMuthafucker · 14/09/2011 23:46

What to do about martyr mums? Erm, stone them?

IrmaMuthafucker · 14/09/2011 23:49

T'was a Biblical joke btw. Not suggesting we do actually stone a fragment of some misogynist's imagination.

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 00:47

St anastasia

the bastards tried to kill her but she kept comming back for more

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 00:51

Oh kayano we have a bit of a baptism problem dp catholic, me c of e dp family in Ireland pushing for baptism

AnneWiddecomesArse · 15/09/2011 01:11

My DD was so inspired by Catholicism, that she took a Confirmation name that spelt out ARSE when combined with her Christian Name and Surname.
She was very cynical and directed in her requirement for a "Saint". It had to spell "arse".

Oh well.

LeBOF · 15/09/2011 01:14

Annie Grin

AnneWiddecomesArse · 15/09/2011 02:01

Le BOF
That's my gal. Wink

TheRealTillyMinto · 15/09/2011 08:05

Mitmoo i like your post. YANBU. My oldest friend had a matyr mum. drove her mad. all the sacrifices my friend did not even want her mum to make....now she is a mum...making sacrifices her DCs won't want her to make....

they fuck you up they do, your mum and dad

where is the line? (1) would your DCs want you to make the sacrefice? the last piece of chocolate. Yes. their welfare. yes. putting up with an abusive partner. no. (2) are you really doing something for their benefit or using them as an excuse?

cory · 15/09/2011 08:20

Anyone got any wise word on the subject of martyr teens? Hmm

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 15/09/2011 08:32

martyr ? me?

not a chance Grin

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