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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That "Matryr Mums" should maybe chill?

272 replies

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:42

Martyr Mothers

They like to tell their children how much they've sacrificed for the children, how much they are giving up by putting their children first. I've heard the term before and seen some. I've just googled this and it got me wondering:

"You?ve just tidied your 10-year-olds bedroom, whipped up two batches of cookies for the school fete, bathed the dog, wrestled with sticky paper to cover your teenagers? school books, and realised you didn?t even stop for lunch today.

Does this sound just a little bit like you?

The martyrdom trap

All parents make some sacrifices for their children; it?s a normal part of parenthood. What?s not ok is when selfless sacrifices are taken to extremes, says Professor Matt Sanders, Clinical Psychologist, Founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program, and Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at University of Queensland.

?This is when parents fall into the martyrdom trap,? he says. ?Some parents suppress their own needs to such a degree that they become angry, miserable, and depressed,? he says.

Self sacrifice also has an evil twin that contributes to martyrdom ? over protectiveness, and when the two join forces martyrdom mayhem results.

Martyr mums want to protect their child, and do things for them, but what they?re inadvertently teaching their child is that they can?t do it for themselves.

What do you think, can you make too many sacrifices?

DO children have to fit in with out lives or do our lives change because we have children.

Where is the line?

OP posts:
BatsUpMeNightie · 14/09/2011 22:22

FFS....who's been reporting everything?

Gosh - ummm - let me think............Nope - I just can't begin to imagine.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:24

So why does MNHQ indulge these sneaks reporters?

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:24

I wonder too.....

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:28

To be fair you guys were mean! Even if you didn't mean to be Rocks, it might have been perceived that way! I personally agree that you were referring to the word and not the poster

A few people commented about the way you guys treated the Op and they had a point. I said I found it mean and had gone beyond gentle ribbing (which I still think it did)

So someone reported it and the posts got removed? No point in going on like it was a total miscarriage of justice.

I still think it was mean, and it is always OP who gets it on here

LeBOF · 14/09/2011 22:31

Kayano, you are going to end up getting an apple pie bed at this rate...

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:33

I don't even know what that is Sad I'm assuming I'm not going to like that

I'm not a bad person, just trying to give some perspective as to why it might have been reported. Sorry you can't have a one sided thread?

I'm a regular poster too Sad

tethersend · 14/09/2011 22:33

I have wasted minutes hours of my life arguing with Mitmoo on other threads, so I went for mockery on this one instead.

I'm not sure that it constituted a personal attack but hey-ho, I'm just pleased someone reads my posts.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:35

Beer
This op in general I have seen it a few
Times. It might not have been the OP who reported you, but that was the only person who you Were mean to iyswim?

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 22:36

So, being really dim, who did report all the posts? Especially if they weren't actually directly offensive.

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 22:36

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:36

Don't know yet and I doubt MN will tell us

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 22:37
RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:37

I'm not really Kayano, but I did come late to the party and wasn't directing anything at anyone apart from Reeling who frankly deserves a regular pasting I do avoid directing anything at anyone - I have been on the end of some absolutely vile abuse from a poster on here when I first started posting and would NEVER dream of doing the same to someone.

I will disagree with people - FFS that is life, but I am, by nature, not a nasty person unless you fuck with me and then I can be Grin

Life is too fucking short to be vitriolic because one doesn't agree with someone else's POV.

I do think, though, that the OP's style can be unnecessarily incitive at times, and for that reason I will tend to stay away.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:37

Did you just actually type message deleted by MUmsnet?

If so-- Grin

BatsUpMeNightie · 14/09/2011 22:37

Which on current form may not be a smashingly good plan!

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:37

tethers....

Stop fishing...

We all pushed the 'like' button....Grin

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:39

'An apple pie bed'

That takes me back.

About 40 fucking years.........

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:40

I feel really out of the loop and so hormonal (pregnant and knackered) and I feel like crying because I don't understand if butternut squash is a 'thing' or if you are genuinely offering me butternut squash

sobs but not really

Just give me some please Sad

Proudnscary · 14/09/2011 22:41

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE ON ABOUT

BatsUpMeNightie · 14/09/2011 22:43

Butternut squash, if taken to excess, produces wind of epic proportions. Just thought I'd mention that.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:43

Right......

Fucking RockStock

Outside Now.

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