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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That "Matryr Mums" should maybe chill?

272 replies

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:42

Martyr Mothers

They like to tell their children how much they've sacrificed for the children, how much they are giving up by putting their children first. I've heard the term before and seen some. I've just googled this and it got me wondering:

"You?ve just tidied your 10-year-olds bedroom, whipped up two batches of cookies for the school fete, bathed the dog, wrestled with sticky paper to cover your teenagers? school books, and realised you didn?t even stop for lunch today.

Does this sound just a little bit like you?

The martyrdom trap

All parents make some sacrifices for their children; it?s a normal part of parenthood. What?s not ok is when selfless sacrifices are taken to extremes, says Professor Matt Sanders, Clinical Psychologist, Founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program, and Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at University of Queensland.

?This is when parents fall into the martyrdom trap,? he says. ?Some parents suppress their own needs to such a degree that they become angry, miserable, and depressed,? he says.

Self sacrifice also has an evil twin that contributes to martyrdom ? over protectiveness, and when the two join forces martyrdom mayhem results.

Martyr mums want to protect their child, and do things for them, but what they?re inadvertently teaching their child is that they can?t do it for themselves.

What do you think, can you make too many sacrifices?

DO children have to fit in with out lives or do our lives change because we have children.

Where is the line?

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 21:50

Just wanna say - although exceptionally annoyed earlier, I have chilled out now

And also didn't report anyone as I do like a free speech forum x

NeverKnowinglyUnderDoug · 14/09/2011 21:51

I think thats exactly it Reindeer, except more of a "Twat Dad" than a Martyr Mother.

Don't worry about looking like a weirdo on MN its the vaguely normal ones that stick out like a sore thumb

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinyWeeTeethGreatBigBite · 14/09/2011 21:53

Now that does sound nice, tethers. How long would I need to roast them for?

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 21:54

Reindeer Shock That's fucking horrible.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 21:56

It would appear that I had a post deleted, yet all I was doing was saying that I thought SS's wordage was rather splendid Confused

That irks me somewhat really as I was in no way being horrible to someone, slagging someone off or using the word cunt?

Anyone got any answers?

Kayano · 14/09/2011 21:58

Possibly could have been seen as egging on, because the initial wordage was directed at someone iyswim?

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:00

That seems a bit daft imo - I was merely saying what a great saying it was. Bit like fuckwittery and fucknuggets etc etc.

Abuse directed at a specific poster - yes delete.

Agreeing with abuse at a specific poster - delete.

Saying I like a phrase? What the actual fuck? To quote dear Shirls.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happymm · 14/09/2011 22:03

My mum was a martyr, apparently she could have achieved SO much more with her life if she hadn't a) shagged my dad, a married man with a baby already and b) had me in the first place. I ruined her life see? :(

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BatsUpMeNightie · 14/09/2011 22:04

Well I probably got what I deserved and I hold my hands up to that but ffs - I'm not in cahoots with anyone here and it seems a little extravagant in the button department to zap everyone who sniggered at....oh, best not say it hey?

Pfffft

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:08

They aren't removing you though, just posts Directed at certain people - which they should. As thy should with any post that is nasty to one poster or that's persons family etc

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 22:09

You and me both happymm maybe we should start a Twatty parent club? Grin

Glad I look less of a weirdo now, despite the name...

tethersend · 14/09/2011 22:11

Rock, it's probably because they're all a big bunch of cunts.

BTP, that's fucking slanderous. I do have the recipe for butternut squash. Just not that one.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:14

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:14

Beefy eggos to them all.

I always liked the sound of 'The bad mothers club'.

But i think they folded and came here.

Reindeer ...how awful.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:16

I know. I didn't report but I actually think it's right that someone did. I don't even know how to report on this bloody phone

I'm going to get some biscuits and milk and lie down lol
This thread has zapped my soul

Kayano · 14/09/2011 22:17

I have
Just
Found the report option

There goes
The blank verse Grin

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 22:19

yy - Tethers, you are quite right Grin

But, I was NOT directing anything at anybody and that is what pisses me off. I absolutely agree with directed abuse at either a specific poster or groups etc being deleted, with constant offenders ultimately being banned, but saying I like a word does not constitute an offence under the MN etiquette. Or maybe now it does. Fuck knows with the shit that's been going on here for the past few weeks.

Sigh.

Happymm · 14/09/2011 22:19

Glad to join the weirdo twatty parent club reindeer :o

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 22:20

FFS....who's been reporting everything?

All these deleted messages and i can't remember anything offensive!

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.