I thought it would be hours before I could sneak back to update, but positively sainted DH has taken the DCs out for an hour or so, and is doing the shopping ( He knows which side his MN bread is buttered on).
There is a lot of dialogue coming, I'll do my best to not make it 'I said', 'she said'. (and most of it verbatim so outing in RL a possibility 
...oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound).
DH took DC1 to school, Mrs Fizz/Door had other DC again - no surprise there.
I said I would collect DC at 12. Preparations included power dressing, heels and all, make-up, and the sunnies on so if ODW even thought about using those creepy powers I was ready. Took DC2 and set off, saw ODW ahead, and I confess I had an attack of the collywobbles and went back in to house to compose myself. Ok, here goes. I strolled as if I didn't have a care in the world, I could see ODW and her DC2 in the playground with other parents. Walked up to her and said hi. She LAUNCHES straight into 'this having to collect them is a nightmare, what are you doing to manage it? When is (my) DH back at work?' 'We're fine until October and then I don't know what we're going to do then' (where have I heard variations on a theme that before?).
and I say...cooly, calmly, very MN'ty 'OH, I know it's been tough organising it, but DH not back at work for ages and I've used up all my annual leave for after that'...it's still not perfect, I'll have to juggle like hell some days'...then I shut up, let her fill the gaps I thought!
ODW tries again...and finally admits/asks obliquely, but I'm taking THIS as a win in making her just bloody ask the QUESTION 'we need someone to pick up DC1 and keep her until 5, at least'. By now I'm hitting my stride, can you tell? 
, and say 'Yes, it's tough'...and shut up again. But Mercy to heaven, this is a DESPERATE woman, 'I told your DH (does she think I and DH don't talk to each other?) yesterday that we can pick up your DC at 12' says she, and adds...if you can collect our DC at 3.30pm. I give my new balls a jiggle and deliver the line with no possible response again '...and take her WHERE?
I innocently enquire after Mrs Fizz/Door...she has obviously received her MN Grow Your Own Balls seed kit as ODW admits that poor sod is doing the mornings, but has clearly made it crystal that she will NOT be picking up another child in the afternoon.
But here, here, if you had any doubts left that while I do not think this couple are the devil incarnate, they are not of this planet when it comes to playing nice.
Says ODW, 'Do you know X? (I don't, but ODW indicates that they're local. 'I was thinking of asking her, she doesn't work...pause...'but she's a bit simple' and then laughs 
. I am mortified, there are other people here too, I do not want them to think that I am colluding with this person in any way. ODW blabbers on for a bit about this person, I'm still stunned. But she continues on, another similarly unnacceptable comment is made only a few minutes later by ODW when she asks me if another neighbour works? (This neighbour has 3 kids, all at High School and doesn't work). The problem this time is their adherence to a particular religion and it's just too much to write what ODW said about what could happen to her daughter if she used this family for Childcare. I'm too shocked to use shocked emoticon.
The final insult, from a personal point of view, is that at NO point did ODW give up the only bargaining chip she and her DH have - they're off every School Holiday - and could have said at any point in this saga 'We can offer you Childcare cover during the holidays if you could help out in term-time'. But NO, because they are inherently selfish and want it all their own way. (DH and I have always agreed anyway that we wouldn't want this couple to look after our DC, 1 or 2).
(and she IS using Lunch hour to collect at 12).
Last comment made by ODW was 'It's a lovely day and we are free to do as we please aren't we DCs?'...took that as my cue to reply 'OH, you're incredibly lucky, we^ are SO busy today aren't we DCs?'
.... and that my friends is damn well that. I'm 100% pure Balls.
I fucking LOVE you all. Thankyou.
