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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh want's me to take kids on hol with His family without him

337 replies

CoffeeDog · 11/08/2011 12:23

Had a chat with DH last night and he thinks IABU

Due to go on a week long caravan hol with DH entire family next week...

MIL booked it as a 'treat' for us back in jan as we cannot afford to go this year.. she annouced last month that she her DH - her mum and dad will also be sharing the caravan with us making 6 adults and 3 kids in one caravan - with all our kids squished into the little room and me and dh on the fold out bed bit in the living room.
SIL & her DH have a caravan there and will be there with therir 7 kids - shes 7mth pregnant and isnt very mobile so MIL idea is that we entertain the kids while SIL has a break..ermmmm what about me?

DH isnt really good at speding alot of time with his own family (due to probs when he was a kid) as said last night that he thinks he will stay home and decorate for a few days while me and the kids go and have fun...... I have told him NO way i am spending a week being the glorified au par with no sleep(Dh grandad gets up at the crack of dawn and his mum with be at the bar till late )
I have said if he want the painting done i will happily stay behind on my own and paint the house whilst he takes the kids after all its HIS family and he has never had the kids on his own and just come back from a fishing trip with his dad - would be lovly to have the house to myself!

He thinks i ABU as i get on with his family better than him..???

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 11/08/2011 12:26

We went on hols with pil and slept on sofa bed etc. It was fine as it's just a base then we visited beaches etc. However, dh came with me. Your dp needs to put his kids and you first and definitely should go with you!

reelingintheyears · 11/08/2011 12:26

I can think of nothing worse.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/08/2011 12:27

YANBU. Doesn't sound like a holiday to me. Suppose it's too late to pull out of the whole thing?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 11/08/2011 12:27

YANBU - he should go with you!!

From experience family holidays can be a nightmare at the best of times, no matter how well you all get it and it sounds like it will be very cramped - if you have to suffer it, he should too!

MonsterBookOfTysons · 11/08/2011 12:27

How awful! Your Dh has to go, if my dh tried that.... Shock

AppleAndBlackberry · 11/08/2011 12:28

Could you do half and half so you both get a break?

fluffyanimal · 11/08/2011 12:28

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable in not wanting to go, either on your own or together, as it sounds like my idea of hell! I think you should go together or not at all. it sounds like your MIL's initially kind gesture has morphed into a poisoned chalice, so if you can't back out graciously without offending her, you and your DH should stick it out in solidarity with each other.

lifechanger · 11/08/2011 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirstyJC · 11/08/2011 12:28

Wow - sounds like hell on earth!! Why on earth does he expect you to do this? More to the point - why on earth did you agree to go in the first place?!?!

They are your family as well as his, since you married into his family, but no way would I be going without him.

Actually, no way woud I be going at all.

NotActuallyAMum · 11/08/2011 12:28

My answer would be something like: HA HA HA HA - nice try!

Flisspaps · 11/08/2011 12:28

YANBU. Can you send the kids off with the ILs, you can do the painting and have a break from the kids and DH can stay out of your way for the week?

Miggsie · 11/08/2011 12:29

This sounds like you won't get much fun on this "treat" and the children's enjoyment will be questionable as well.

Stay home and take the kids out during the day so your DH can paint. If he can't stand to spend time with his family I don't know why you should. Or go to your own parents?

KristinaM · 11/08/2011 12:31

No you should stay and do the paintimg. Allow your dh to have some quality time with his family. And there will be more space in the carvan without you there

ExitPursuedByAGryffin · 11/08/2011 12:32

Sounds like hell. YANBU. Make him go.

MamaChoo · 11/08/2011 12:32

DC and I go and stay with the ILs without DH but go on holiday to a caavan with his extended family while he stayed at home and watched the golf with a paintbrush in one hand and a beer in the other (projecting, but you know that's how unsupervised decorating gets done...)? No Way!

PicaK · 11/08/2011 12:34

You are sooo nbu. Sounds hideous. He is having a laugh.

bellaisgoingtoHawaii · 11/08/2011 12:34

Sounds like a holiday from hell to me.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 12:34

I screamed 'What?' when I read your op.

Of COURSE he'd rather be at home on his own. Wouldn't anyone?

It is tough on your children if you have to cancel the holiday but really, what were you thinking letting your ILs go ahead with all these plans? It would be an awful holiday! The kids will probably enjoy it. Your SIL will enjoy it if she's got others minding her children. But you? You won't enjoy it. Not a bit. Why did you let them book it?

AMumInScotland · 11/08/2011 12:34

It sounds like utter misery to me - why exactly is this meant to be a "treat" for you if you'll be expected to look after 10 DC?

I would be saying to DH "Look this is going to be a total nightmare. Either we both go, and you do your share of the work, or else we don't go at all."

Getting to stay home and paint sounds a much better treat than going on this supposed "holiday" and he'd better understand that!

ShoutyHamster · 11/08/2011 12:35

Sorry, I would laugh in his face if my DH tried to pull this.

Neither of you want to go. It sounds like hell on earth. So don't. And if your DH thinks that pulling out now won't be fair on his family, then he can go with the kids. BECAUSE THEY'RE HIS FAMILY.

You could point out to him that, given that he has just been away WITHOUT the kids himself, you could have just insisted that he does go without you, so you get the same amount of kid-free time. Instead, you are being kind enough to give him the option of pulling out too! He should be very, very grateful :)

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 11/08/2011 12:35

HA HA HA HA HA

HA HA HA HA

HA HA HA

HA HA

HA

He has to be fucking kidding right? He would be lucky if I was going with him let alone going so he can stay home alone and 'decorate'

Either you all go or he goes with the kids or none of you go - make it crystal clear that you going with the kids, without him is NOT an option.

bellaisgoingtoHawaii · 11/08/2011 12:37

Sorry, pressed post.

I would say to him, either you all go or none of you go. How much decorating will he actually do whist you are away? Wink

Why should you look after someone else's DC? I am sorry but if SIL and BIL have their 8th child on the way then they need to bloody well look after them themselves.

skybluepearl · 11/08/2011 12:37

hell on earth! can you just send the kids and let MIL doing the child minding or send DH to spend time with his family. maybe just ring MIL NOW and say you are planning to stay at home and decorate but are not sure about what DH plans to do.

MigratingCoconuts · 11/08/2011 12:37

NOOOO WAAAYYY!!!

you'll kill the in laws within 48 hours...mark my words!

DoMeDon · 11/08/2011 12:38

I don't think either of you are BU TBH. This treat was given when neither of you really wants it. He doesn't want to go, he doesn't egt on with his family. You don't want to go because you feel put upon. I would either make let DC go without you (bliss!) or do half/half.

I think I would go for the sake of the DC having a break though and let him get on with the DIY.

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