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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh want's me to take kids on hol with His family without him

337 replies

CoffeeDog · 11/08/2011 12:23

Had a chat with DH last night and he thinks IABU

Due to go on a week long caravan hol with DH entire family next week...

MIL booked it as a 'treat' for us back in jan as we cannot afford to go this year.. she annouced last month that she her DH - her mum and dad will also be sharing the caravan with us making 6 adults and 3 kids in one caravan - with all our kids squished into the little room and me and dh on the fold out bed bit in the living room.
SIL & her DH have a caravan there and will be there with therir 7 kids - shes 7mth pregnant and isnt very mobile so MIL idea is that we entertain the kids while SIL has a break..ermmmm what about me?

DH isnt really good at speding alot of time with his own family (due to probs when he was a kid) as said last night that he thinks he will stay home and decorate for a few days while me and the kids go and have fun...... I have told him NO way i am spending a week being the glorified au par with no sleep(Dh grandad gets up at the crack of dawn and his mum with be at the bar till late )
I have said if he want the painting done i will happily stay behind on my own and paint the house whilst he takes the kids after all its HIS family and he has never had the kids on his own and just come back from a fishing trip with his dad - would be lovly to have the house to myself!

He thinks i ABU as i get on with his family better than him..???

OP posts:
Ormirian · 11/08/2011 12:39

"He thinks i ABU as i get on with his family better than him..???"

You won't do after this 'holiday' Hmm

GypsyMoth · 11/08/2011 12:39

So what will you do?

I suspect you will comply with everyone's plans for you

MorelliOrRanger · 11/08/2011 12:40

NO NO NO WAY.

I'd tell him we all go or none of us go.

YA SO NOT BU.

EldritchCleavage · 11/08/2011 12:40

It has been sold to you as a treat, but actually you are being asked along to do the childcare, aren't you?

Either boith you and DH go, grit your teeth and support each other for the sake of wider family unity, or it's time to pull out, I think.

pinkthechaffinch · 11/08/2011 12:40

So your SIL is expecting her 8th kid Shock

I'd run a mile, no way would I want to potentially be looking after 10 plus kids on holiday.

HPonEverything · 11/08/2011 12:41

There's no way on god's green earth that you should allow this to happen.

I've already done the 'enforced holiday with in-laws' once in my life, and that was with no kids and own hotel rooms. It was still hell on earth and I have categorically said it won't be happening again but he is welcome to go on his own.

On what planet is he living that he thinks this is in any way a holiday or a break for you!! It sounds like torture.

megapixels · 11/08/2011 12:41

What a joke. A nightmare holiday with the ILs and your DH gets to miss it?! Yeah right.

I'd rather paint the whole bloody house and even all the neighbours' houses than go.

skybluepearl · 11/08/2011 12:42

yes what you going to do. what a mare

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING · 11/08/2011 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

skybluepearl · 11/08/2011 12:45

i wonder if this was planned all along? They booked the caravan giving you the impression that it was a quiet holiday for yourselves but secretly planned an extended family knees up.

kenobi · 11/08/2011 12:45

What everyone else has said WITH BELLS ON.

I like my in-laws very much and I would rather spend a week locked in a box with rabid snakes than spend a week with them without my DH.

Because at least once I'd killed the snakes I'd have some peace and quiet and no-one would put me in jail for murdering them.

I don't often say this but I think this is one of those times when you need to show your DH the thread...

megapixels · 11/08/2011 12:46

Btw, I think some men expect that the wife has to do all the socialising with their family, even if they themselves do none. My dh is the same, he never spends any time with his family on his own, makes up all sorts of excuses and would even leave town to avoid it, but he'll insist on dragging me and the kids in spite of all my protestations. Hmm

MsAnnThroppy · 11/08/2011 12:48

This sounds like a chapter from Dante's Inferno. YANBU, tell your DH you all go or nobody goes.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 11/08/2011 12:52

Nope, he has to go and you are being so unselfish and letting him go with his family.

PIL's are a pain in the arse sometimes, let him go

smurfling · 11/08/2011 12:52

I think I'd be tempted to come down with a terrible S&D bug the night before you are due to leave Grin.
Sounds like my idea of hell.

ImperialBlether · 11/08/2011 12:53

Grin @ Dante's Inferno. Only on MN would you get that answer on a thread like this!

DogsBestFriend · 11/08/2011 12:57

The words you need are these.

Fuck.

Off.

Joker.

Nothing else is required, just repeat until he gets the message.

Yama · 11/08/2011 12:58

Snowball's chance in Dante's Inferno I'd go.

bonkers20 · 11/08/2011 12:59

Holiday: a time or period of exemption from any requirement, duty, assessment.

Nope, what you describe does not sound like a holiday! Your DH has the right idea, stay at home!

I stayed in a static caravan with my sister. There were 5 kids (from 11-1). We get on very, very, very well, but even so, with that many children and the weather being grim tensions rose now and again.

evenlessnarkypuffin · 11/08/2011 13:04

Wow. So MIL booked you, DH and the DCs a week in a caravan 8 months ago as you couldn't afford a holiday. And then one month ago announces that she and your FIL will be sharing the caravan with you and your SIL and BIL will be coming with their 7 children and as she's pregnant you'll be 'giving her a break' by looking after her children????

I don't blame your DH at all. I'm stunned that you are still going. She's gone from Fairy Godmother to making you Cinder-fucking-rella pre ball.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 11/08/2011 13:07

Don't go. I would suggest none of you go. Six adults and three children in a caravan is insane even if you all get on.

giyadas · 11/08/2011 13:08

Send your DH and stay at home yourself. As he's just come back from a break he should now step up and let you have yours.

Merrin · 11/08/2011 13:08

How awful you all came down with a D&V bug the night before - I bet you were all gutted to miss the holiday!

QuintessentialShadow · 11/08/2011 13:10

wow. just wow.

evenlessnarkypuffin has got it SPOT ON.

dont go.

Not being able to afford a holiday does not mean you have to be free childcare providers for the whole family!

nocake · 11/08/2011 13:10

A week in a caravan with that many people in the UK sounds like my vision of hell. It's easier in a country where the weather is predictable but not here. I don't blame your DH for trying to get out of it but neither would I blame you for trying to do the same. How about you get your heads together and come up with a good excuse for neither of you going? A nasty, infectious illness perhaps? A visit from a long lost relative from Australia? A sudden and mysterious wardrobe fire that destroys all your holiday clothes?