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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh want's me to take kids on hol with His family without him

337 replies

CoffeeDog · 11/08/2011 12:23

Had a chat with DH last night and he thinks IABU

Due to go on a week long caravan hol with DH entire family next week...

MIL booked it as a 'treat' for us back in jan as we cannot afford to go this year.. she annouced last month that she her DH - her mum and dad will also be sharing the caravan with us making 6 adults and 3 kids in one caravan - with all our kids squished into the little room and me and dh on the fold out bed bit in the living room.
SIL & her DH have a caravan there and will be there with therir 7 kids - shes 7mth pregnant and isnt very mobile so MIL idea is that we entertain the kids while SIL has a break..ermmmm what about me?

DH isnt really good at speding alot of time with his own family (due to probs when he was a kid) as said last night that he thinks he will stay home and decorate for a few days while me and the kids go and have fun...... I have told him NO way i am spending a week being the glorified au par with no sleep(Dh grandad gets up at the crack of dawn and his mum with be at the bar till late )
I have said if he want the painting done i will happily stay behind on my own and paint the house whilst he takes the kids after all its HIS family and he has never had the kids on his own and just come back from a fishing trip with his dad - would be lovly to have the house to myself!

He thinks i ABU as i get on with his family better than him..???

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 11/08/2011 13:10

If I were you I would also call MIL just to check all this out, because it sounds as if some wires have got crossed:

'MIL, you know this unpaid babysitting week you're getting me to do? You do realise that those are the dates for the HOLIDAY you booked for us? I'm just checking, because as those two experiences are basically diametrically opposed, you must have the weeks mixed up. They can't exist together, right? When exactly is the unpaid babysitting week?'

:)

superjobee · 11/08/2011 13:11

i'd neither of you go!!

MsAnnThroppy · 11/08/2011 13:14

I was thinking anger, violence and treachery. But perhaps "Holidays with In-laws" is the un-written 10th circle of Hell Smile

Anyway, I'm revising my advice, I suggest that you tell your DH you are having the week off, OP, he is a cheeky fecker for trying to pull off this one and needs punishment.

bonkers20 · 11/08/2011 13:15

Oh and I don't think you can actually fit three people in the small room. You can't even walk between the beds can you? You walk in and then have to reverse out!

LolaRennt · 11/08/2011 13:17

ha ha hell no. fucking hell no with bells on and a cherry on top

bonkers20 · 11/08/2011 13:18

Gotta love all the IL love in this thread!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 11/08/2011 13:18

Doc izzy''s prognosis is that the queasiness you are currently feeling at the prospect of a holiday in hell is a prelude to a severe case of diplomatic d&v that will seriously afflict you the day before your proposed departure.

As it would be undersirable and impractical for all concerned for you share toilet facilities with 5 adults and 3 dc, I prescribe one week of home rest for you while your dh either gets on the with decorating and minding the dc, or takes them to join his rellies for at least part of the week. Grin

MorelliOrRanger · 11/08/2011 13:18

Missed the bit about SIL and 7 kids. Shock

I wouldn't go.

If I go on holiday (free or not), I don't expect it to be harder work than when at home.

LolaRennt · 11/08/2011 13:18

actually I've never said it before- but leave the bastard!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 11/08/2011 13:20

You won't get three children in the small bed room, as the beds are too tiny to share. One of them will have to sleep on the floor between the beds.
Sleeping on the pull-out sofa thing will be miserable, as you won't be able to go to bed until everyone else does, and will be up as soon as the first child or old person gets up.

Is pregnant SIL with all the children bringing her husband too? Can he not look after his own children?

If you do go, you'll have to set out expectations from the start and do not take on extra childcare. Who's going to do all the cooking?

plupervert · 11/08/2011 13:21

I want to know what role the ILs are planning for their contribution during the week. Surely they aren't going to "babysit" kids in the pub and take them off at early morning reveille, are they? If not, they are still planning to have a holiday, at someone else's expense.

LolaRennt · 11/08/2011 13:24

WHat about politely saying no to the babyaitting, and then offering to stay in a cheap nearby travel lodge. the two of you obviously

LolaRennt · 11/08/2011 13:25

I don't mean to be unfair to large families, but if you choose to have children, can't you kind of expect to lose free family baby sitting?

LolaRennt · 11/08/2011 13:26

I don't mean to be unfair to large families, but if you choose to have eight children, can't you kind of expect to lose free family baby sitting?

bonkers20 · 11/08/2011 13:26

I was the person in the pull out sofa. It was fine because I WAS the first one up with the baby. Without the baby I would probably not have been quite so delighted to see nieces 1,2 and 3 pile in at 6.30am.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 11/08/2011 13:27

Not a chance in hell should you let your DH do this.

I'd go on holiday with my MIL but then I love my MIL.

DH & I went with my parents, brother and my DN to a caravan in June. NEVER A-FUICKING-GAIN. DH was fab but I was the unpaid cook, cleaner and childcare for my DN cos my brother is a fuckwit lazy twat. On top of keeping my brothers nasty dog away from the kids as he thinks his dog is nice and good. Don't get me wrong I love dogs, have 2 of my own (who went to IL's) but his dog is horrid and he has no control over the dog at all.

We came home a day early as DD2 had a slight temperature (she was fine BTW Wink ) and I said I needed to get her home ASAP Grin

Mum rang me once they had got back and said oh we had a lovely time,shall we do the same next year, I said no not for us thank you.

MsAnnThroppy · 11/08/2011 13:27

Bonkers, I always think the term "In laws" is a euphemism for "people with whom you would never associate in a million years but for them being inflicted on you by dint of your marriage". I love my husband's family, but I love them as people in their own right, not because they've been inflicted on me. My poor husband, by contrast, definitely has "In laws" Grin

It sounds like the OP's MIL is taking the piss, never mind her DH.

MerylStrop · 11/08/2011 13:28

So MIL booked it for you as a gift.....and has now decided to join you?

How very awkward. And sneaky. And really tight of them to let you tell the kids they are getting a holiday and bank on you not wanting to disappoint them. Mega controlling.

Your DH just needs to tell them there just isn't enough room for you all in the caravan so you've decided to let them take the kids on their own.

You and he can stay behind and paint together.

olibeansmummy · 11/08/2011 13:48

YADNBU!

jugofwildflowers · 11/08/2011 13:49

HA HA HA!

Sorry.

Coffee you must be a very doormat like but lovely lady because a respectful dh wouldn't in a MILLION YEARS think this was acceptable, my oh my.

You are going to go on this holiday because you won't want to let anyone down, and as you know, you'll be deemed the Wicked Witch spoiling it for everyone if you did pull out.

Before you go, check with MIL what the rota will be with regards meals and activities for everyone, also laundry, washing up, cleaning, cooking etc, nights out, babysitting etc.

Check there are clubs for the dc to go to.

If they are paying for babysitting, all meals, activities etc then you will be able to enjoy yourself.

Wine

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

IAmTheCookieMonster · 11/08/2011 13:52

oh no! That sounds like HELL (and the sort of thing that my DH's family would organise). My suggestion is to give yourself food poisoning so you can't go.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 11/08/2011 13:54

haha, izzy has already suggested it!

LordOfTheFlies · 11/08/2011 14:02

So, the upshot is:

You and three children
Your MIL and FIL -presume 50s/60s
Your DHs GPs -presume 70+
In one caravan.
Then an extra 7 to mind?

I've spent a week in a 3 bed caravan- and don't underestimate how small the rooms are!- with my 2 DCs sharing (they are 9 & 11) and my parents (74 and still fit and active)

Sharing a bathroom with 4 other adults, cooking meals, even making tea is a logistical nightmare.
My parents take my DCs off hand to beach or town while I cook and then they have some explore time alone.

You would be barking to goShock. After 24 hours you will be frazzled.

BTW I do take my DCs up to see ILs without him.Usually when he's working.

giyadas · 11/08/2011 14:03

I think she only suggested pretending, CookieMonster. Your suggestion shows a far higher level of commitment. Grin

Jackstini · 11/08/2011 14:03

YADNBU!!!!
Marking my place to see what you do.
This is a very rare event on AIBU - MN massive completely agreeing.....!! Grin