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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do people with so many problems still go on to have so many kids?

175 replies

sundayrose10 · 10/07/2011 02:39

Often there is a thread on here regarding severe hardship on relationship, crowded unfit home, NO money, kids playing up...and the op will mention she is pregnant with the 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on.

Having more kids on top of major problems = hell

There may not be a right time to have children but there is definitely a better time. And if there is no better time, accept that you don't have to have more kids and be happy with the ones you have. Life is unfair but it's especially unfair to bring more kids into very complicated set ups.

It's a trend I see even in real life. Madness.

OP posts:
RetroHousewife · 10/07/2011 11:38

I agree OP.

The problem is that there is no disincentive to having loads of kids whatever your situation. The taxpayer will house them, feed them and educate them.

Peter Connolly's " mother" had four or five kids. And why not? There are loads of broken, damaged and disintegrated " families" like that having more broken and damaged children. And those children will be in your communities and your classrooms with their problems and their behaviours impacting on your children and being paid for by your taxes. So yeah, it is your problem and your issue and you have a right to have an opinion on it.

Sadly, most of these children are not an investment in Britain's future but will end up in the same cycle of misery and deprivation and child rearing that was their parents legacy to them.

mollschambers · 10/07/2011 11:39

I think there is a massive disincentive. Who the hell wants to be reliant on the state?

I can't say I find myself admiring that lifestyle.

To tackle the problem you need to raise aspirations and show young people there is an alternative.

RetroHousewife · 10/07/2011 11:42

FPMSL mollschambers!

Thousands upon thousands are dependent on the state and seem quite happy to remain so .

In our family, more kids = less cash to go round. We don't get a payrise with each new baby.

In benefit families, more kids = more CB, more dole money and eventually a bigger house. Jeez, what's not to like?

mollschambers · 10/07/2011 11:47

What's not to like about living in poverty? Really?

Or do you believe the Daily Mail reports about families living the high life on your taxes?

BelleDameSansMerci · 10/07/2011 11:47

I agree with mollschambers.

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 11:48

All the people kicking off about the "cuts" seem to be perfectly happy to be reliant on the state.

RetroHousewife · 10/07/2011 11:52

Mollschambers, if you live in poverty then why in gods name exascerbate that by having more kids?

Or do you not believe in personal responsibility?

Birdsgottafly · 10/07/2011 11:55

TheFalco- do you mean by 'those kicking off about the cuts' such as Mencap, Scope, Welfare rights organisations, charities, anyone who works in social care and know the reality of the situation.

How are the reliant on the state. My Disabled people are reliant on the state, through no fault of there own.

My DP is waiting to hear wether he has a job next week, him and the other 4000 people, many who realistically will not work again, because of the way that the retail sector (and thus, warehousing) is at present.

Birdsgottafly · 10/07/2011 11:56

Retro- read my post 9.49 and others.

Birdsgottafly · 10/07/2011 11:56

Sorry for typos.

tethersend · 10/07/2011 11:58

And here we are.

What the thread was really about.

Enjoy- I'm off.

TheFalcon · 10/07/2011 11:58

"How are the reliant on the state. My Disabled people are reliant on the state, through no fault of there own."
Are your disabled people having children?

"My DP is waiting to hear wether he has a job next week, him and the other 4000 people, many who realistically will not work again, because of the way that the retail sector (and thus, warehousing) is at present."
Why will they "realistically not work again"? If the retail and warehousing sectors are down, they can always retrain and do something else. They don't want to end up like the miners, crying into their beer about pits that closed nearly 30 years ago.

tethersend · 10/07/2011 11:58
tethersend · 10/07/2011 12:02

"They don't want to end up like the miners(sic), crying into their beer about pits that closed nearly 30 years ago."

Before I go, I would like to explain why to belittle the emotional and sociological impact having whole communities ripped apart by the death of their only industry in such a way speaks volumes about the poster, but I won't.

mrsbiscuits · 10/07/2011 12:03

YANBU I seriously think that some people don't think through the long term implications of having more children than they can handle.

Finance is only one aspect though I think that being mentally able to cope with multiple children is also of paramount importance. I've posted before that in an ideal world I would have liked 4 children but this was before I had 2 and realised that enough was enough.

We are relatively well off financially and probably could afford to do it but I would be a mental case ! I have friends who hand have 4+ and less money than us but they seem to live for their kids (nothing wrong in that I just can't do it. ) They look forward to school holidays, and enjoy softplay whereas I dread both. The thing is I know my limitations. I love my boys but know that they are much better off being looked after by other more child centred people than me some of the time. I am also firmly of the belief that having children solves nothing so if you already have problems be them financial, emotional or mental more kids is not a solution and more often than not it is the small people that suffer

tethersend · 10/07/2011 12:03

ignore (sic)

lubberlich · 10/07/2011 12:03

YANBU.
Children are not an entitlement. They are not a compulsory part of life.
I know women who feel compelled to breed with every new bloke they are with regardless of the stability of the relationship or the financial situation they are in.
Actively deciding to have a child when the shit is hitting the fan in your life is idiotic. And selfish.

Birdsgottafly · 10/07/2011 12:05

TheFalcon- the miner did retrain, to call centre opperatives, then the call centres went to India.

At the moment our own government is giving contracts abraod and not to UK firms, who aren't undercutting us, why?

Exactly what does a over fifty retrain into especially when he is competing with another at least 5000+ workers. Do you not read the papers, who are announcing mass redundancies daily?

The recent report into employment showed that at least 30 people was chasing each job, in some cases over 200, but of course just tap into the propaganda that the Brits are workshy, makes you wonder who powered the industrial revolution, fought wars etc.

You've showed what you are by putting the miners down. They did bloody hard, essential work for over a century to be kicked in the teeth, as did the merchant navy.

TheLadyEvenstar · 10/07/2011 12:11

I know a woman who has 9 children by 6 different men and wants more. She has never worked and just keeps popping babies out. 8 of them never see their fathers, 1 is lucky enough to have him living there.

The older 2 siblings now have 5 children between them these girls are just into their 20's the next eldest who is about 16 has one on the way.

Its sad to see, for many reasons but one of them is each of the dads is a different nationality and the locals (I no longer live in the area and haven't for 14 yrs) ridicule this woman, they call her names. There has been graffitti on their door.

She is a classic example of the OP's discription. BUT tut us also very sad as she seems to love having babies just to feel wanted.

I have had 2 "accidents" hence having my 2 sons. HOWEVER both times I was on the pill. I have not used any contraception for 4yrs now (since having DS2) and have not fallen pregnant. I can garentee if I went back on it I would fall pregnant again. I have a hormone inbalance and it seems the pill sorts that out.....but doesn't stop me getting pregnant.

TheLadyEvenstar · 10/07/2011 12:11

BUT tut us also = BUT it is also

RetroHousewife · 10/07/2011 12:13

There is a culture in this society of entitlement and it depresses the fuck outta me.

GiddyPickle · 10/07/2011 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RetroHousewife · 10/07/2011 12:18

Applauds Giddypickle

I have a big family but I also have a big house, a big salary and if they get on my tits I pay for them to have extra nursery time.
The thought of my lot on a low salary in a small house turns me terrified.

mollschambers · 10/07/2011 12:22

RetroHousewife Sun 10-Jul-11 11:52:25

Mollschambers, if you live in poverty then why in gods name exascerbate that by having more kids?

Or do you not believe in personal responsibility?

Perhaps you missed my previous post:

mollschambers Sun 10-Jul-11 11:01:49

Absolutely agree Birds

Personal reponsibility is obviously very important.

So is tackling poverty and social deprivation. That's where money needs to be spent. It would be money very well spent if the government could actually make a difference. Not that this government seems interested in tackling poverty.

RetroHousewife · 10/07/2011 12:24

The previous Govt did pretty much nothing else ( well, apart from starting illegal wars ) but throw money at those in poverty.

It didn't make life better or help people make better choices or make their lives less difficult.