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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed my DH had a naked private dance

371 replies

maybunny · 03/07/2011 22:03

OK my DH wasnt naked, but the stripper in the stripclub in Los Angeles was :-(
He went to LA on business (PR - so mostly socialising rather than what I consider 'work'!) last month, and he has only just told me that a colleague paid for him to have a private dance after they all went to a strip club. I was most annoyed because he had kept it a secret from me for a few weeks, and that he had put 'saving dace' in front of colleagues before my feelings.
He said he thought I would be a bit annoyed about it which was why he hadnt told me about it at the time (esp as I was having huge sleep problems with DD - ie surviving on 2 hours a night!)
I am so upset about this and apart from apologising (which he has done now he knows how I feel) I dont know wht he can do to make me feel better. I am realy struggling to forgive him.
:-(

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 03/07/2011 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flipthefrog · 03/07/2011 22:05

don't forgive him then, i find this lap dancing stuff really distasteful and kind of thick to be honest

BulletWithAName · 03/07/2011 22:05

Me either BeerTricks.

YANBU OP at all.

turdassmuthafukka · 03/07/2011 22:08

A bit annoyed????? If my Dh was off getting someone's fanjo waved about over his face I would throw him out. Seriously. To me that is betrayal. (Although I appreciate everyone has their own dealbreakers regarding their relationship).

Pandygirl · 03/07/2011 22:08

YANBU, he didn't tell you because he knew it was wrong.

squeakytoy · 03/07/2011 22:09

He looked at a naked body.. he didnt touch it, he didnt have a one night stand with another woman.

He hasnt been unfaithful to you.

If my husband were to tell me that he had done this on a mens night out, I honestly would not be bothered.

Georgimama · 03/07/2011 22:09

How would he be with it if he found out that whilst he was in LA a naked man came round and danced for you in private? Not too happy I should imagine.

Just because he has apologised (belatedly,after concealing it from you) doesn't mean you should forgive him. It's not obligatory. I wouldn't forgive it either.

smartyparts · 03/07/2011 22:10

Of course you're not BU!!

Unforgivable!

bushymcbush · 03/07/2011 22:10

FFS, is the private dance really any worse than the fact that they were in a strip club? What's the difference?

YANBU by the way, I'd be fucking furious if my DH considered socialising in strip clubs to be an essential part of his work. In fact, if going to strip clubs was expected of him I'd be asking him to make a stance against it or change his career.

Wrong on so many levels.

flipthefrog · 03/07/2011 22:11

if my dp (of 20 years) did this, i would punch his lights out, sorry

ChaoticAngelinLimbo · 03/07/2011 22:11

Your H is a misogynistic wanker and a pathetic, inadequate twat, if he can't say no. I wouldn't be annoyed, I'd be bloody furious and chucking his stuff in bin bags and then out the door with him following.

Oh, and YANBU

Original poster
maybunny · 03/07/2011 22:11

We have since had the conversation to say what is a dealbreaker and what isnt (I didnt think it necessary after being together 13 years, I thought it was pretty obvious that nakedness was off limits!)
In his defence he did say that he left after a couple of minutes, told her not to touch him (!!!!!!!) and he sat in the loo for the rest of the time, again to 'save face'. I really thought he had more backbone than to worry about things like that. Men can be such cowards!

OP posts:
MorelliOrRanger · 03/07/2011 22:12

I agree with Squeaky, although he's made it worse for himself for not telling you straight away.

jenny60 · 03/07/2011 22:12

YANBU

DogsBestFriend · 03/07/2011 22:12

Agree with Beer. How big, independent and clever are these successful businessmen if they can't do anything other than follow the crowd like sheep?

On a slight aside, when this is raised on MN is it not almost always the case that the man in question claims that "a friend" or "a colleague" paid for the lapdance? Hmmmm.... there are a lot of generous friends and colleagues out there, that's all I can say.

LittleWhiteWolf · 03/07/2011 22:13

YANBU. I'd be livid, personally. Shows he doesn't have the courage of his convictions to stand up to peer pressure (is he 12 FFS?) and more worrying it shows a distinct lack of consideration to you, your daughter and every other woman on the planet.

But the way these threads go, many will think I'm a prude because I don't like the idea of lap dancing/strip clubs and that its an overreaction to be upset by it Hmm

NormanTebbit · 03/07/2011 22:14

He's a dick.

BelfastBloke · 03/07/2011 22:15

bushymcbush "FFS, is the private dance really any worse than the fact that they were in a strip club? What's the difference?"

Yes I would view the private dance as a step up in seriousness from just being in a strip club. The clue is in the word 'private'.

jenny60 · 03/07/2011 22:15

So he is a coward, a liar and a misogynist. What a catch. Sorry OP Sad

BimboNo5 · 03/07/2011 22:15

I'd have been peed off too tbh, but if one of my colleagues got me a dance off a male dancer i'd have just shrugged it off and told DH at once. It wouldnt be a turn on in the slightest to me though

BelfastBloke · 03/07/2011 22:17

Don't lap-dances involve contact with the punter, while he can't touch with his hands? That's what it looked like on Channel 5 years ago, anyway.

flipthefrog · 03/07/2011 22:17

these threads are becoming so common now, i find it really depressing

Original poster
maybunny · 03/07/2011 22:17

DogsBestFriend - I understand what you are saying, but I do believe that his colleague paid for it.

OP posts:
jenny60 · 03/07/2011 22:18

Yes wolf, you're right, I'm waiting for that too because of course those of us who object to lap dancing are prudes or jealous. Gee, I wish I could dance naked in front of people like the OP's DH Hmm

ledkr · 03/07/2011 22:20

Too much of this sort of shite goes on imo. Why dont men get this sort of thing out of their systems before they get married,did you ask him if he'd be happy with you doing similar?I wouldnt end my marriage over it but i dlet him think i was going to for a good while.

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