To be annoyed my DH had a naked private dance

[maybunny]

OK my DH wasnt naked, but the stripper in the stripclub in Los Angeles was :-(
He went to LA on business (PR - so mostly socialising rather than what I consider 'work'!) last month, and he has only just told me that a colleague paid for him to have a private dance after they all went to a strip club. I was most annoyed because he had kept it a secret from me for a few weeks, and that he had put 'saving dace' in front of colleagues before my feelings.
He said he thought I would be a bit annoyed about it which was why he hadnt told me about it at the time (esp as I was having huge sleep problems with DD - ie surviving on 2 hours a night!)
I am so upset about this and apart from apologising (which he has done now he knows how I feel) I dont know wht he can do to make me feel better. I am realy struggling to forgive him.
:-(

[mauricetinkler]

Did one mean singularly in one's first sentence swc? One wasn't quite sure.
All one was saying is that sometimes one's trust is misplaced. That is all.

[Orbinator]

Trust isn't something you can put down and pick up! It takes a lot of time and work to establish it. If someone is foolish enough to "put it down" for the sake of a few minutes of an expensive stranger's dirty crotch in the face then they have to accept the responsibility they may end up alone because of their actions and that was due to their failure to be trustworthy.

[larrygrylls]

Herbex,

I would wager a fair bit that a very tiny percentage of men have an erection when getting a lapdance. It is normally after a fair few drinks and in front of colleagues/friends etc. I guess it is not a statistic that either of us are likely to prove one way or another but, being a man, I may have a tad more insight than you.

[HerBeX]

Can you address the point Larry?

Let's imagine the man/ woman who is the client, has actually got physically turned on by the experience of watching a lapdance/ cock dance (please someone find me a better phrase than that, it's paining me to type it ). It doesn't have to be to the point of erection.

Do you believe that that is a different transaction from handing over money for a drink? (D'you see what I did there? I asked you what you believe, I didn't tell you.)

[Malificence]

Larry, as you well know, this thread is about a man getting a private naked dance, which is not done in front of friends or colleagues, if a man doesn't want to be physically aroused then why exactly would he pay a naked young woman to writhe around touching herself ( and most likely him) in a sexual way?

And Maurice, 100% trust within a relationship is perfectly possible, I would stake our daughter's life on the integrity of my DH , that's how sure I am.

[mauricetinkler]

Pots and kettles swc.

[HerBeX]

Eh? SWC hasn't indicated that she's got any relationship trust issues

[DancingWind]

No, you are right to be upset. Id be pissed as mighty hell Whereas it is not an act of infidelity, he has broken your trust in a way. The idealist in me would say even thinking about another woman is wrong. But men are not made that way infortunately. I can imagine how angry and hurt you must be. Talk to him, yell at him and try to work through this.So sorry love!

[mauricetinkler]

Who are you HerBeX? swc's gopher?

[HerBeX]

No.

I just don't understand your pot kettle black comment to her.

Feel free to clarify it if you want. Or not if you don't want.

[aliceliddell]

larry - I have not suggested, nor would I support, preventing 'grown women' doing whatever they see fit. However, I am not foolish enough to imagine that the actions of individuals are not both cause and effect of the social situation they live in. Therefore, it is not unreasonable to argue that such actions may affect the social/political status of those individuals and the social group to which they belong. Itfollows that other members of that society can form an opinion on the effects of those actions, and to promote them or not. This is how society works.

[aliceliddell]

I think the whole stripping/lapdance thing is suppressed homoerotica. Why do men want to get sexually aroused in the company of other men? The women are the decoy.

[HerBeX]

A bit like gang rape being a bonding exercise. The women are incidental, it's all about the men.

[aliceliddell]

Anyway, no Maurice - HerBeX and SWC are both my 'winged monkeys'

[HerBeX]

[larrygrylls]

"And Maurice, 100% trust within a relationship is perfectly possible, I would stake our daughter's life on the integrity of my DH , that's how sure I am."

WTF?! I am 99.9% sure that my wife is entirely faithful to me yet my sons' lives are far too important to even gamble at 1/1000. Pretty sick comment, if you ask me.

[VelvetSnow]

astonishing

[Malificence]

I wasn't asking you Larry.

[HerBeX]

D'you fancy addressing my point at any time Larry? Are you still maintaining that from the client's point of view there is no difference between handing over money to be turned on and handing over money for a drink?

Or are you going to continue to avoid it, addressing other people's points and blathering on about equal transactions?

[mauricetinkler]

I agree with your last post larrygrylls. If you visit relationships on MN there are countless posts of women being in absolute shock that their partner has been unfaithful. They just didnt see it coming and I would guess this is not uncommon.

[larrygrylls]

The eponymous Malificence,

Anyone who is prepared to gamble their child's life on anything at all and post it on a public internet thread is deserving of comment.

HerBex,

I will address your question when you phrase it in a more precise manner. Literally, clearly there is a difference in the two transactions. Equally, there is a difference in handing over money for a G&T or a prawn sandwich. If you are referring to viscerally, morally, socio-politically or in some other context, please make your question clear and I will address it, though I do not promise with a one word answer.

SmallWhiteCat,

Lapdancing joints are a complete rip off and anyone who actually pays their own money to go to one needs their head examined. They fill a gap at the end of a corporate evening out as somewhere where a bunch of guys can get into and have a drink and a chat in comfort, plus some attractive company. Yes, they are sexist but they are the flip side of the sexism of most mainstream clubs waving in bunches of women but turning men away or making them queue for hours. Women have no need of a male equivalent as they can go into any bar/club.

Of course there are proper clubs like the Groucho etc but lapdancing is actually for the middle tier of averagely successful salespeople and their clients, not the real top end, who, on average, would not want to be seen dead in them.