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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DH about the treatment of DD?

204 replies

Fionann · 09/06/2011 10:43

It's DS's 3rd birthday so DH promised DD (5) the day off school, not something I would have done but I didn't feel I could say no after he's said yes as they were both so exited.

We got DD a few presents to open as well and for teh first hour everything was fine but then DH started to get in a really bad mood and kept telling DD of for taking the toys DS wanted to play with and generally not playing nicely & being grumpy.

Dh then told her off for the fourth time and said he was taking her into school, she cried and screamed and he made her go and put her uniform on, she then came downstairs and was crying and grabbing my legs and promising she would be good, it was really awful but he took her off to school....DD doesn't handle exitement well and can be bossy to DS but I think DH was overeacted.

AIBU?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 09/06/2011 10:47

You both are!!

FFs!! Giving her a day off school and presents for her brothers birthday???

LaurieFairyCake · 09/06/2011 10:47

I can't get over that he said she could have the day off school in the first place.

And then to take it away Shock - I too think it's an overreaction

LaurieFairyCake · 09/06/2011 10:48

He's made out that school is a punishment - that's really crappy and that is going to be hard for her to get over.

BooyHoo · 09/06/2011 10:49

he was UR for letting her have the day off. but even more so for taking her in when he had lost patience with her!!

diddl · 09/06/2011 10:50

I am disgusted that taking her to school was shown as a punishment tbh.

But am equally Shock at her being given the day off and presents for her brother´s bday.

JanMorrow · 09/06/2011 10:51

You shouldn't be giving her presents on her brother's birthday, it's good for them to realise it's not always about them! Don't spoil her!

She should NEVER have had the day off school for this either.. but then using it as a punishment.. totally unreasonable.. so BOTH of you are being unreasonable I'd say!

HushedTones · 09/06/2011 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Fionann · 09/06/2011 10:51

I don't think he should have ever promised her the day off, I was quite Shock by this too, I pointed this out to him and he said I had every opportunity to say actually no she needs to go into school which in hindsight I should have done.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 09/06/2011 10:52

You are both insane. Try to have a lovely calm chat later and draw up strategies for these sorts of situations or you will all becoem very unhappy.

redwineformethanks · 09/06/2011 10:52

Poor little thing. I hate the image of her screaming and begging to be allowed to stay at home.

takethisonehereforastart · 09/06/2011 10:53

He shouldn't have given her the day off but since he did he was then very wrong to then drag her off to school as a punishment.

I could understand him saying she could have the day off if you had planned a family outing for the day, but what does he expect two excited children to be like at home when they are getting presents etc?

He was mean to her.

ShirleyKnot · 09/06/2011 10:53
Shock
itisnearlysummer · 09/06/2011 10:54

Wow the teachers will be thanking you both. [sarcastic]

And in a couple of years time you'll be lamenting your DCs behaviour and scratching your heads and wondering how/when it all went wrong.

Crazy decision!

MarioandLuigi · 09/06/2011 10:55
Shock

What a Knob!

GeekCool · 09/06/2011 10:55

redwine - I'm struggling with that as well. She is only 5 years old. What a massive over reaction and honestly OP you should have stepped in. The punishment did not fit the so called crime, there wasn't really any, she's 5.
In fact, I think you both set her up for this and when she behaved that way she is dragged screaming and crying to school.

I'm actually quite horrified.

Original poster
Fionann · 09/06/2011 10:55

We were planning to go out on a trip this afternoon

OP posts:
wannaBe · 09/06/2011 10:56

you're both unreasonable. stop treating her like a princess.

fuzzpigFriday · 09/06/2011 10:56

Your DH was ridiculous on both counts. But getting your DD presents is really silly IMO. Maybe your DD was struggling with the idea that the day was about DS because she was getting mixed messages. And unless it was purely down to DH that she got presents, that's partly your fault too.

GeekCool · 09/06/2011 10:56

Are you still planning to go?

saffy85 · 09/06/2011 10:56

YABothBU she should never have got the day off school whether it's her birthday or her brother's and she shouldn't have been dragged their as punishment either. WTF?! Think your husband is a prized twat tbh. And talk about putting a dampner on your DS's birthday. It's his special day and has now been made all about his sister, which is not her fault.

Reality · 09/06/2011 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShirleyKnot · 09/06/2011 10:58

Don't hold back there Reality, tell us what you really think! Grin

AlistairSim · 09/06/2011 10:58

Poor kid.

Allinabinbag · 09/06/2011 10:59

I actually think this is horrible, and that your daughter will remember it, the day she was dragged into school by daddy. I really really think you need to get a handle on this, he needs to get a hold of his temper (how naughty had she really been that she deserved that?) and you need to stop his ridiculousness. If she had the day off (which she shouldn't), then she should have had the day off. It's quite upsetting to read about this, everyone loses their temper from time to time, but I can't actually see what she was doing wrong except being a bit overexcited.

As for taking her back into school late, god only knows what the teachers think now.

Original poster
Fionann · 09/06/2011 10:59

I'm really upset and angry with him, firstly for saying she could have the day off - although yes I realise I could and should have said no to her - and for then taking her into school when she got over exited.

It was a really horrible situation but I didn't want to have a full scale row with him and say no she is not going to school.

OP posts: