to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

[GetOrfMoiCase]

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1222273-Chipping-away-at-abortion-rights-govt-appoints-Life-as-sexual-health-adviser

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

only just got back to this, haven't read much past cushiebutterfield's response to me - it's not "my concern", it actually happens. Next time please read the link before you make comments like that.

I haven't read all 26 pages, just the first few.

A lot of ppl are saying that Op is NBU to not feel ashamed - agree. I am glad there are people who feel that way.

Is abortion treated like a dirty little secret by society - definitely,this only compounds the guilt for some women.

A lot of people are saying this thread is hurtful to women who don't feel as sorted about it as OP. Disagree. I am pleased for her.

I had two abortions, 4 years ago. I had the very worst experience. I was forced (and I mean forced, as in if you continue with this pregancy I will take the baby and kidnap it and remove them from the country out of spite, refusing to leave my house until I went through with it, taking me to the clinic and pinching my arm to sign.) At the clinic, they had to take me out the back because I was hysterical. I was diagnosed with PTSD and acute depression and signed off work for a month. I had a bad reaction to the tablets and had a seizure and was bluelighted to hospital.

I eventually got some proper counselling through Care confidential who saved me. It helped me address all kinds of self esteem issues that got me into that place first of all. Further made me accept that I had taken the at least part of the decision to go through with it to protect my unborn by not giving them a traumatic life. Subsequently I had a miscarriage and an etopic pregnancy and lost a tube, but these were easy compared to the abortions.

I now have two wonderful perfect and beautiful sons for whom I am eternally grateful. i will always wonder if the unborn were little girls but am totally happy with what we have.

SO OP, don't believe that everyone that had a traumatic experience is offended by your post, I'm not, I am so pleased some people can have the peace in the decision that took me so long to get over.

Thanks sparky. I think we can sum it up in her own words- undiluted bilge.

""women like you are ten a penny"
shameful queenmarythegreat!
ive reported youre post."

Ooooooh you reported me!
Good luck with that Sparky.
Women who have had TOPs at 23 weeks are not at all unusual in my experience,
What's the biggie?

silentcatastrophe
"War makes money"
And so does abortion.
Abortion is not philanthropy, it is BIG BUSINESS.

er telling a woman that "women like you are ten a penny"

Ps Michelle seashell, when I was taken to hospital A&E sent a consultant from gynae to see me who when I asked what was going to happen to me: "not my concern, we don't deal with social abortion here". Kick in the guts at the time, in retrospect I want to punch her lights out.

The wars thing is an interesting point. I think many pro-life people are anti-war too, and pro-environment etc etc.

I think i'm deemed to be forever on the fence. Like abortion, for war i'm generally against but can see pracical reasons in a less than perfect world why it is sometimes the lesser of two evils, in which case it should not be done as a guilty thing but with head held high. But I feel more informed about the choices a woman might make about her body, her baby, her health than I do about international politics and whether or not genocide is occuring, can be prevented, or we're just in it for the oil. So I guess that's why i'm more vocal on one than the other.

anyone else got an opinion on the pro life should be anti war idea?

deemed = destined.

"er telling a woman that "women like you are ten a penny""

Settle down Sparky.
Stop trying so hard to be offended.

Swallowedafly
You are being perfectly ridiculous.
A previous 23 week TOP will have no bearing on a womans obstetric care in labour. ( "it may save my life" indeed!) .
Obstetric notes are full of lots of information that we scan but pay no heed to. We are only looking for any relevant information.
Please try harder to find me guilty of being offensive.
And feel free to imagine me as a monstrous midwife who is callous and judgemental and unkind if it suits you.

Have been lurking throughout, thought this was a really interesting post. Shame it's descended into such a bun fight. Really can't be bothered to read anymore of queenmary's repetitive bilge.

I would like to share my personal experience - though I understand the discussion is far removed from that and into the ethical nature of abortion. I had an abortion 7 years ago, at a time when I felt I could not have raised the twins that had been conceived in less than ideal circumstances. It was a difficult decision which took a lot of heartache, but once it was done I moved forward reasonably easily.
5 years on my DH and I decided to try for a baby and I honestly thought it would be easy for me to get pg. Alas it took us about 16 months and a lot of heartache on my part, blaming myself etc. Unfortunately we lost the fetus/baby at 10 weeks and we were both devastated. In my mind it was a baby, not because of the beating heart we had seen two weeks before, but because of the fact that we wanted him/her so much - had planned its future and had givenit a place in ou heart. Each baby born deserves that.

I have now had investigations which show I have thrombophillia, which means that very likely the twins that were aborted would not have made it either. In fact, my gynae looked at my dates to see that they were small for the dates, suggesting that the blood supply could have been compromised already.

I felt at peace with my decision before, but now feel even more so. The fact that so many pregnancies end naturally before the second trimester to me has some significance -albeit it is something I can't readily put into words. I was repeatedly reassured, by the way, that the baby/fetus we lost a couple of months ago did not feel pain nor did it suffer by the lack of oxygen the clotting most likely produced.

I don't think anyone is going to need much imagination for that.

Thanks everybody. I do feel that I need to keep quiet about what happened to me to avoid judgement. It's really nice for me to have people (even people sitting on the fence about the issue) not question me about it or say anything horrid about what kind of a person I must be.

And that consultant who said that about 'social' abortions- what a prick. That must have been upsetting.

Sorry for hijacking btw.
I'm quite shocked at the nastiness towards queenmary.She has come across as very compassionate and professional imo.

Some 'matter of fact' comments towards abortion has really upset me tonight.
Life is extremely precious and the way some of these people have spoken about all of this in such a flippant way has made me feel disgusted.

Life is extremely precious - and that is why every single baby born should be wanted. I'm very pro-abortion for children who are not wanted.

The fact is it's not impossible for anyone, however feckless, to raise a child in this country. The benefits culture bends over backwards to keep a child with its parents. Having known several adopted adults, who were born in an era before being a single mother was acceptable and the handouts that come with it, they all retain an immense sense of "why wasn't I wanted by my mother". And their childhoods were extremely happy and their parents did everything possible to make them happy and feel wanted.

There's no shame in it - I'd far prefer a child was aborted than born into this world without love and to be suffered by its parents.

I just wonder why people think an abortion is going to be/should be a pleasant experience? Netto for example, what did you think was going to happen? Whose fault is it that it was a traumatic experience? Obviously the operation is going to be difficult at that late stage. While we are feeling so sorry for the women experiencing this, please spare a thought for the foetuses being aborted at 5 months.

Or rather than disgusted maybe actually just plain sad

How awful. I sincerely hope you're never in that position and realise how truly cruel what you just said is.

And I spare a thought for my baby every single day. While I'm taking care of her younger brother who now has the life she couldn't have.

The abortion laws in this country are fantastic, nobody is coerced into having one.

Before abortions were legal women still had them but often they died or were seriously injured.
if you don't agree with abortions, then don't have one. But don't stop other womens rights over their own bodies.

I don't see why any medical procedure shouldn't be as pleasant as possible. Few are actually pleasant and as far as I'm aware only the mentally ill actually go out of their way to have a procedure they don't need.

Michelle

That is you. However, there have been posters who have said they have felt nothing for the life that they have terminated. And I mentioned Netto whose description of her abortion (and the self pity) I could really have done without.

Truly cruel? What about the people who seem to have no respect whatsoever for a life they are terminating while talking about it with flippancy and indifference.

No, I have never been in that position. I have always taken care of contraception.

You could easily be in that position. Contraception fails. You could be raped. You could have a child that is incompatible with life or develop a condition that could kill you if you if you continue your pregnancy. I sincerely hope none of these things happen to you. But they could.

And your lack of sympathy on hearing a story of another human being suffering is just heartless. But I guess we can't all be as infallible as you, can we?