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to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

1000 replies

GetOrfMoiCase · 26/05/2011 13:00

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

OP posts:

tallulahxhunny · 26/05/2011 13:02

Yabu to brag about it


TheRhubarb · 26/05/2011 13:06

I don't think you need to boast about it love. It's never a nice procedure to go through and I don't think that women are plied upon with guilt from well meaning people either. Most people mind their own business.
Saying you had an abortion and don't give shit is almost as bad as the guilt brigade you are trying but failing to shame. It's an emotive subject and some women feel enormous guilt about it and spend weeks agonising over it, so don't treat it as though it's a shopping trip.

I personally feel that abortion is treated sensitively and there are more than enough charities that help both sides of the argument. There's plenty of choice in this country too, so we've nowt to moan about.


miniwedge · 26/05/2011 13:06

YANBU to feel however you feel but I think it is innappropriate to put a discussion thread on such an emotive subject in AIBU.

AIBU is a popular topic because there are so many rucks and a lot of people use it as a vehicle to be a bit more twattish than they would in real life. I think this thread being in this topic area will end up being more of a shit storm than a reasonable discussion about a subject that affects a huge amount of women.


DuelingFanjo · 26/05/2011 13:06


I feel the same. I have never regretted the decision I made 15 years ago and I did not suffer emotionall from myy informed choice. My story is condom failure and MAP failure in fairly new relationship. I was with my then partner for a further decade.


sockonmyhead · 26/05/2011 13:08

I don't think there can be a positive side of abortion, only a negative side to continuing pregnancy, iyswim. And to walk away from an abortion with no guilt seems very wrong to me, in most circumstances. It ends at least the potential of life and to do that without emotional fall out is heartless I feel. Abortion maybe the best choice in many situations, but it surely shouldn't be an easy thing to do?


lowercase · 26/05/2011 13:08



limitedperiodonly · 26/05/2011 13:09

tallulah She's not bragging, she's stating a fact and saying that she's not ashamed.

What is unreasonable is expecting her to be ashamed.

No, Get, I haven't had an abortion but thank you for this thead.


knittedbreast · 26/05/2011 13:09

i dont think you are being unreasonable to not feel guilty for having an abortion. i think its quite healthy to start hearing from women who have done so, most people seem to think that those who have had them should feel shame and regret, it makes society feel apeased to see a woman regret it every day and to say how they wouldnt ever again.

I dont have one single friend thats had an abortion and regrets it. but that view isnt a popular one.


porcamiseria · 26/05/2011 13:09

YANBY to feel like this

but YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU to post in this rather boastful fashion, really distatseful I think

but hey, its a web forum, post what the fuck you like


OnlyWantsOne · 26/05/2011 13:10

YANBU if thats how you feel.

I think you are being extremely insensitive to effectively brag about your experience when they are many many women who do not, and possible will never be able to view their own experience of abortion in the same care free way you say.


swallowedAfly · 26/05/2011 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

charitygirl · 26/05/2011 13:11

She's not bragging or boasting. The fact that posters use these words says A LOT about them.


OnlyWantsOne · 26/05/2011 13:11

(and what sockonmyhead said)

... but this all boils down to a debate on abortion...

YABVU to post it here


ShirleyKnot · 26/05/2011 13:11

How is the OP "boasting"?

Stop being so ridiculous.


beesimo · 26/05/2011 13:12


I wonder if you would actually feel, shame, guilt or regret about anything?


LiliesandVeuve · 26/05/2011 13:12

What d''ya want?
A badge?



ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 26/05/2011 13:13

I get what you're saying, but it's maybe not coming across quite as you'd intended.


Katiepoes · 26/05/2011 13:13

I feel no regret, perhaps a little shame that I put myself into the position that led to needing one. I'm not supposed to fell like that though, according to media articles I should be struggling with a crippling guilt.

At the time I felt more crippling rage that I was unable to have this done at home and had to travel to England, just like many many other Irish women STILL do. Another topic though that one.


swallowedAfly · 26/05/2011 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MooMooFarm · 26/05/2011 13:14

I don't think YABU to feel fine about it - it was clearly the choice that was right for you.

But I feel uncomfortable about you talking about it in AIBU - maybe it trivialises the subject or something? I don't know.


wowwowwubbzywubbzywubbzywowwow · 26/05/2011 13:14

YANBU. I don't see this thread as boasting - just putting another side to the commonly held view that having an abortion will ruin your life, you will always wonder what might have been etc. It's like that for some people but not all.


TheRhubarb · 26/05/2011 13:14

Ok, so why does she feel the need to come on an AIBU thread about her abortion that happened 5 years ago? Who is making her and her fellow abortees feel guilty? If it was related to a MN thread I could understand, or if it was in chat under a more sensitive topic.

HOWEVER there are women who do feel a great sense of shame and regret and by continuing with this aggressive and vulgar thread you are actually harming them.

So what is your motive for starting this thread exactly other than to cause a ruck?


SuePurblybilt · 26/05/2011 13:14

I don't see it as boasting, more having the confidence to say that abortions don't always have to end in regret.
I haven't had an abortion but I've had one glorious DD and one MC and am not offended that some people make the decision to end their pregnancies.


swallowedAfly · 26/05/2011 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RockOnMrs · 26/05/2011 13:15

No, YANBU to feel the way you do - they are your feelings and you own them - no problem. Nobody has the right to judge you for making the decision that you made.

But it is insensitive to post it on here in the way that you have, especially in AIBU which is the most highly-viewed topic on MN, and where there are loads of women who are struggling to conceive, or who have had miscarriages or lost children or any number of other things going on who will find your post very upsetting. (I can't imagine that many people hide the entire AIBU topic, which means that just the title of your post is going to really, really upset an awful lot of people). It is an inflammatory post, and you know it. What exactly where you hoping to achieve by writing it? Validation for your own lack of guilt? Validation of your right to speak freely? Just because you have a right to say what you like, doesn't always mean that it is the "right" thing to do - in this case, it seems very unkind.

If you're doing it because you don't like being made to feel guilty about your abortion and you're trying to redress the balance - well, you've already said that you don't feel guilty, so I'm still not sure what the purpose of your post is!

But yes, you have a right to post whatever you like, and stuff everyone else's feelings, I suppose Hmm

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