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AIBU?

To tell my best friend's DH that he has two days to tell her what's going on or I will?

210 replies

Megatron · 19/05/2011 15:10

I really don't know what to do.

I was in a park with DD today and saw my best friend's DH out with another woman (I know he works with her). They were having a picnic together and were kissing, holiding hands. feeding her (boak) and he was running his hand up and down her inner thigh. He turned and saw me and nearly crapped himself, scrambling to his feet and pretending to answer his phone (wanker).

I fucking hate him. They've been married for 2 years and have a 10 week old DS. Her last relationship was horrendous (DV) and she thought she'd found the man of her dreams (we all did). She told me yesterday how lucky she felt to have met him - I love my friend and I know this will destroy her and I don't know how to deal with it at all. He's been trying to ring my mobile but I'm not picking up.

What the hell do I do? Do i pretend it hasn't happened (I can't do that, I know I can't). Do I tell her? Do I give him the opportunity to tell her?

I want to trap his balls in a vice. Please folks, can you give me some guidance?

OP posts:

Report

SeymoreButts · 20/05/2011 08:04

"I knew you'd tell her" What the effing eff???? This man is a cold, heartless bastard, I hope she has the strength to leave him.

You've done the right thing Megatron, she needed to know the truth about him now.

Liliesandveuve · 20/05/2011 08:04

Megatron, can I ask, were you in a park miles away? How could he be so blatant? Or did he just think everyone would be at work? Or maybe he just thinks he is untouchable. I don't get how he thought there was no possibility that anyone would see him.

Megatron · 20/05/2011 08:10

Lilies it was a semi local park I suppose about 6 miles away from us. It's not a huge park so he was being bloody stupid to think it was impossible he would be seen.

Have just spoken to her, she's bringing her DS over to me for the day and she is going to spend the day with her mum. She sounded totally exhausted.

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 20/05/2011 08:10

You did absolutey the right thing Megatron and you are not responsible for her heartbreak at all, he is.

Had it been something you 'heard' I'd have said stay out of it, but you saw him and couldn't not say something.

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 20/05/2011 08:14

megatron you poor thing. HE broke her heart, not you.

I really feel for you telling her, but you are a good friend who will be there for her.

WTF was the text about? "I knew you'd tell her" to make you feel guilty? well dont you dare. He is a bastard of the highest order of bastardly bastards.

And its been going on for ages.

weak, pathetic man.

spidookly · 20/05/2011 08:15

He's been cheating on her for at least a year of their 2 year marriage?

Ouch. She picked another bad one.

geordieminx · 20/05/2011 08:20

I think you have done the right thing.

It has been going on for over a year, it's unlikely that he would have ended it with her because you saw them... And threatening him would have just pushed him to be even sneakier about it.

Tbh the fact that it's been going on for such a long time isn't s good sign.... It's obviously not just a fling.

Your poor friend and her ds.

geordieminx · 20/05/2011 08:21

I'd want to rip the OW a new arse hole too. What a complete and utter bitch.

stickytoffeepud · 20/05/2011 08:27

the OW is of no consequence, she didnt make commitments and vows to the wife , she is a free agent to act as she sees fit

its the man who is at fault here, he made the baby, he made the commitment

geordieminx · 20/05/2011 08:30

Sticky, that as it may be, but come one, what sort of woman gets involved with a man who is just married/trying for a baby/pregnant wife/newborn.

SomebodyNew · 20/05/2011 08:34

OP, you sound like a really good friend.

2cats2many · 20/05/2011 08:35

Megaton- you've done the right thing and you've been a good friend.

fedupofnamechanging · 20/05/2011 08:35

Megatron, please keep in mind that he is entirely responsible for what has happened here and he put you in a position where you really couldn't have done anything different to what you've done.

I echo the point about telling her that you will support her no matter what she decides and that you will never mention this again if that's what she wants.

I think you are a fab friend because you didn't take the easy option but did the right thing by your friend even though you knew it would be hard for you both.

I'll never 'get' some people. The OW knows he was sleeping with them both, you can't ignore the evidence that is a new born baby can you? who'd want a man like that?

Megatron · 20/05/2011 08:41

Actually it turns out the OW is married too.

I'm signing off for the day now but I really wanted to thank all of you for your advice and support. It really has helped make a really shitty situation a little more bearable. Embarrassed quick hugs in a totally non mumsnet way

OP posts:

PinotGrigiosKittens · 20/05/2011 09:09

Megatron give that little boy a massive squishy hug from me x

TobyLerone · 20/05/2011 09:14

It makes me smile a lot inside when I think of how much he must have shit himself when he saw you there when he got home, OP.

Well handled. She's lucky to have you.

dinkystinky · 20/05/2011 09:28

Megatron - I'm proud of you for telling your friend and for being there for her. She's very lucky to have such a good friend in her life.

ChippingIn · 20/05/2011 09:31

Karma - exactly, you really do have to be a complete and utter bitch to sleep with a married man whose wife is carrying their child, going through childbirth, early baby days. Lying in the park cosying up with a bloke who, if he had that much spare time in his working day, should be at home with his wife & baby... it really does take a special kind of bitch to do that :(

thumbwitch · 20/05/2011 09:31

Megatron - as everyone is saying, you have done a great thing for your friend, even if it feels horrible now. I'm sure that she will be grateful that you were brave enough to tell her the truth and I hope she works out some way to deal with her H.

I can't understand people who do this, from either end - him for shagging two women, her for knowing that he's doing so. Ugh. But then that's them, not me - and at least your friend knows what she's up against with him.

Hope she is ok, and you. You are the best kind of friend to have.

MoChan · 20/05/2011 09:33

Well done. I would like to have a friend like you. xxx

lachlanbella · 20/05/2011 09:33

Maybe him seeing you will give him such a fright that it makes him re-evaluate things, realise all that he's risking, and realise he loves your friend?

Maybe you could tell him that he either stops it now - and gives you evidence to confirm that - or you tell her?

I'm not sure you should tell her or force him to tell her. Not sure that is the right answer when she's so vulnerable, with a new baby.

lachlanbella · 20/05/2011 09:34

oh sorry only read the last page. Good luck with everything.x

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ChippingIn · 20/05/2011 09:35

Megatron - you did the only thing you could have done. I'm sorry you had to be the one to see it and tell her, but if it's got to come from someone, from her point of view, best it was you. She trusts you, she knows there's no way you'd lie to her and you are close enough that she doesn't feel humiliated that you know - if it had been a friend she's not so close to it would have been even worse because she'd also feel humiliated and probably worried who else knows & who else is talking about it/her.

I am impressed she has told her Mum already - that's a good sign, she's not protecting him.

Does she MN? Would you introduce her to MN? There's a lot of support on the relationships section and it might help her through it, it might help her to know what he's likely to do/say next & why.

Have lots of lovely baby snuggles today
x

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 20/05/2011 09:36

well done that was very brave of you, you are a great friend.

verytellytubby · 20/05/2011 09:51

Very brave. I would have done the same. She's lucky to have you as a friend.

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