To tell my best friend's DH that he has two days to tell her what's going on or I will?

[Megatron]

I really don't know what to do.

I was in a park with DD today and saw my best friend's DH out with another woman (I know he works with her). They were having a picnic together and were kissing, holiding hands. feeding her (boak) and he was running his hand up and down her inner thigh. He turned and saw me and nearly crapped himself, scrambling to his feet and pretending to answer his phone (wanker).

I fucking hate him. They've been married for 2 years and have a 10 week old DS. Her last relationship was horrendous (DV) and she thought she'd found the man of her dreams (we all did). She told me yesterday how lucky she felt to have met him - I love my friend and I know this will destroy her and I don't know how to deal with it at all. He's been trying to ring my mobile but I'm not picking up.

What the hell do I do? Do i pretend it hasn't happened (I can't do that, I know I can't). Do I tell her? Do I give him the opportunity to tell her?

I want to trap his balls in a vice. Please folks, can you give me some guidance?

[jasper1980]

.

[WolfShapedBullet]

You are a good friend and definitely doing the right thing, difficult as it may be. I feel for you being in this position at all. What a rat!

[UnsureRightNow]

Give him a chance to tell her but if he won't then you need too. All these people saying wait i have to disagree. If he is sleeping with someone else and then his wife he is taking risks with her health, I speak from experience having been infected with an STI by XDH

Sure it will be a horrendous time for her but she has a right to know. She can then make an informed decision about what she wants to do.

[CurrySpice]

Oh lord OP wha a vile situation. I don't envy you that decision :(

[troisgarcons]

Cannot be arsed to scroll through pages ... its none of your business. keep your beak out of other peoples relationships. The messenger always gets shot. Even if he outs himself, you get amnesia and just listen and comfort your friend.

[madhousewife]

what would you want your friend to do if this were happening to you?

[fedupofnamechanging]

The husband made it her business when he was seen in a public park with the other woman. Like it or not, the OP is involved and whatever she does now, she is fucked. If she tells, then yes sometimes the messenger gets shot. If she doesn't then she is complicit in the deceit of her friend and if/when the friend finds out later she'll feel doubly betrayed.

It could just as easily have been his wife out in the park today with the OP and the baby, coming across her husband touching up some other woman in public.

He is a scummy bastard and the friend is owed the truth

[ChocolateTeacup]

I hope it has all gone as ok as it can x I would want you to tell me if you were my friend fwiw

[mummakaz]

Agreed, such a shit situation to be in :( I think you have done the right thing op. If I found out my BF knew my DH was having an affair and never told me she would no longer be my friend but that's jmo.

What a wanker

[FebreezeYourJeans]

I honestly don't know what I would do. I think I'll be asking all my close friends what they would want me to do in this situation, so I would know in the future. Horrid situation for you all.

[ashamedandconfused]

I had this situation when I was a teen - saw a friends fella out for a walk with another girl, all lovey dovey, arm in arm giggling etc. he did not know I had seen him though

I spoke to another friend about it and we agreed she must be told, so I told her - I knew she was seeing him the same night!

she had it out with him

he sweet talked her into believing it was his long lost cousin visiting from australia and there was nothing going on just me jumping to conclusions

she later found out I was right and got rid of him, thankfuly our friendship survived, I just had to live with the fact that she was glad i had wanted to tell her but i really had got it all wrong, and accept her choice to believe him

OP, you are doing the right thing - its up to her what she does with the knowledge but either way she will need good friends around her

[stella1w]

how will you know if/what he tells her?

I'd just tell her what you've told us.. you saw something, it made you uncomfortable, you thought she ought to know..

but be prepared to be disowned as a friend..

[HeadfirstForHalos]

I hope it went okay. If it helps I think telling her is the right thing to do. Don't feel bad about it, HE is responsible for the hurt that will be caused not you.

[IRCL]

Hope it went OK (well as expected obviously!) OP. Shit situation to be in.

I do feel your friend deserves the truth and think you were right to tell her. I would always want a friend to tell me personally.

He sounds like an utter piece of shit.

[Megatron]

Well I told her. Felt like the biggest shit imaginable when I saw her face smiling at me at her door knowing what I was about to say. She knew straight away something was wrong because I was obviously not my usual self. I told her I loved her and that I would never lie to her and just told her what I saw, exactly as I saw it. I didn't embellish the situation at all. She knew I was telling her the truth though, she didn't doubt it thank god.

It was fucking awful awful awful. She was just stunned and sat there saying nothing for ages then she was sick on the spot. She had a major freak out (obviously) and said she thought it was strange that he hadn't been answering her calls that afternoon. I waited with her til he got home, he walked in saying 'Hi, Megatron' like nothing had happened, the bastard and went to put the kettle on. She was so calm by this point, she really was unbelievable. I think she was in shock actually. She asked me to go then so she could talk to him so obviously I did and she promised that she would let me know how she was. He sent me a text saying 'I knew you'd tell her' WTF?

She rang me at about midnight saying that he admitted it in the end. Been going on since before she was pregnant with her DS. He says he still loves her and doesn' t want to leave - she doesn't know what she wants at the moment. I don't know what she'll do, all I feel I can do now is be here for her and her DS when she needs her and support whatever decision she makes.

I feel shattered and like a nasty bitch for breaking her heart.

[podsquash]

HE is the nasty shit. You are a good good friend she can trust.

[Liliesandveuve]

Well done megatron, bloody hell you must be drained.
The poor woman, I hope she gets through it ok.

But what a bastard sending you that text, obviously not taking a lot of responsibility himself and blaming you.

Did you reply? I would ask him to put himself in your shoes, what else were you supposed to do?

[Leverkusen]

Well done megatron. That must have been so hard, but she is lucky to have such a good friend in you, especially when she has such a shit of a husband.l The text he sent is almost like he's trying to blam eyou- what a horrible man.

[cannydoit]

awwww hun i am sooo sorry he put you in that position, of course you feel shit you wouldnt be human if you didnt. well done for telling her you are so brave. amazing its been going on so long and you just know he has been saying to the other woman i can leave yet shes just had a babt etc. what a wanker. try and pamper your self today you deserve it even if you dont feel like you do. remember you didnt break her heart he did. your the one that gave her control over the situation.

[Megatron]

I didn't reply to it, I didn't wanted to get started in a 'tit for tat' conversation with him. I know things will be difficult if she stays with him because we actually got on very well together but it can never be the same again. My priority is her and their DS so I don't really care if he hates me.

Surprisingly my DH who always says keep your nose out, is with me on this one. He's really fond of her too so he's not impressed with her DH either.

I'm still off work today so I'll see if she wants me around or not, she probably needs some time to herself suppose. I know it was the 'right' thing to do but I feel like I've done something really really awful to someone I love like a sister.

[Buda]

YOU didn't break her heart. HE did. Well done for telling her. I would HATE to think that my DH was carrying on with someone and a friend knew and didn't tell me.

I think you did completely the right thing. And she knows that you told her from love.

[pingu2209]

Well done Megatron. Did you say to her, I will support you no matter what decision you make, to stay with him or go?

What a total bastard!

I just don't think you can trust any man whatsoever. I knew my dad was having an affair. He had been with a woman I liked for about 8 years and I found out he was having an affair with someone else. I remember driving home with my dad after he had left his mistresses house and him phoning up his girlfriend from the car phone (shows how long ago it was) and said to her "I love you more and more each day". If I was his girlfriend I would have believed him, it sounded so sincere. He had just left his mistresses bed ffs!!!

From that day on I vowed I would never ever totally trust a man. I wouldn't say I was controlling or clingy - but I have been with Mr Pingu for 15 years and if he 'works late' or comes home later I always ask where have you been? He knows I don't trust any man because of my dad.

[TheOriginalFAB]

You have not broken her heart, he has.

You did a very admirable thing and didn't just take the easy way out and stay quiet. My advice would be to text her, tell her you will stand by her whatever she decided and if she does chose to stay with him it will never be mentioned again unless she chooses to talk to you about it.

Well done.

I would like you as a mate.

[TheOriginalFAB]

As you are off work maybe offer to take the baby for a bit so she can have some alone time?