To tell my best friend's DH that he has two days to tell her what's going on or I will?

[Megatron]

I really don't know what to do.

I was in a park with DD today and saw my best friend's DH out with another woman (I know he works with her). They were having a picnic together and were kissing, holiding hands. feeding her (boak) and he was running his hand up and down her inner thigh. He turned and saw me and nearly crapped himself, scrambling to his feet and pretending to answer his phone (wanker).

I fucking hate him. They've been married for 2 years and have a 10 week old DS. Her last relationship was horrendous (DV) and she thought she'd found the man of her dreams (we all did). She told me yesterday how lucky she felt to have met him - I love my friend and I know this will destroy her and I don't know how to deal with it at all. He's been trying to ring my mobile but I'm not picking up.

What the hell do I do? Do i pretend it hasn't happened (I can't do that, I know I can't). Do I tell her? Do I give him the opportunity to tell her?

I want to trap his balls in a vice. Please folks, can you give me some guidance?

[Sqee]

You are doing the right thing. Just remember to not be offended by anything she may say in the moment. Your job right now is to be honest and loving. Hug her if she needs hugged, Be slapped if she needs to slap someone.

I understand the women here saying sometimes it's best not to say anything but I think that only counts if you find out about an affair that happened years ago and is well and truly over. This affair is happening right now. He is wrong, and if he has behaved like this with a 10 week old baby god knows what he is capable of doing. You are being a good friend.

Good luck!

[CoffeeIsMyFriend]

oh jesus! megatron good luck this afternoon - If I were you I would be doing the same thing.
My BF would want to know - and she would do the same for me. Like you we've been friends for too many years, have lived together and have had the same discussion that you have had.

Never a nice thing to do and no doubt there will be some fallout from this. Just be there as best as you can for her.

Poor woman to hear this, especially so soon after having a baby.

[Sassybeast]

You are an amazing friend and you are doing the right thing.

[pingu2209]

I have to advise caution on this one. Be careful. Your friend is vulnerable right now and will be looking for stability for her as well as her child. I say this, because the likelihood is that she will forgive him and take him back.

It could well be that her (not so) dh will turn the tables and say he was feeling left out, that your friend hasn't given him the attention he needs because of the baby, that he needed to see he was still attractive now he was a dad... blah blah blah and all the crap that men spout over these totally unforgivable things.

Be careful not to say anymore than you actually saw (which I realise is a lot). Don't start saying, what a wanker etc. as it will be very difficult if (more likely when) she takes him back.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

I don't envy you megaton, but for the record I'd have to tell her too. I couldn't let someone I love be deceived this way and say nothing.

[fiveisanawfullybignumber]

Good luck Megatron. I've been in the same position as your friend with my ex, and I wish someone had the guts to be honest with me.

[ArthurMcAffertyandhisCat]

My soon to be ex husband did just this with a colleague when dd was about three months old...unfortunately no one saw them and it went on for three years until he walked out on us all last year. If any

[Sqee]

That's awful Five :(

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

My advice is to do nothing in haste.

If you don't speak to the H and studiously ignore his calls, my guess is that he will say something to his DW if only to find out what you may have told her.

If this is the case, chances are that she'll will be straight onto you and then you can (very gently) tell her what you saw.

[MoChan]

IMO, you are doing the right thing. Very hard for you. Good luck.

[ohfuckohfuckohfuckduck]

Good luck Megatron.

[Jemma1111]

Your'e a good friend Megatron

Let us know how it goes, I hope your friend kicks the cheating twat into touch!

[flyingspaghettimonster]

The more I think on it, the more I think it is absolutely the right thing that you get there asap and good luck to you. I had a nasty thought if he got there first he might tell her not to listen to you, that you had come on to him and when he rejected you you made up the whole thing, so great that you rejected his calls. Men can be devious when caught in a lie! (Women too of course)...

[Gillybobs]

This is truly horrendous for you.

But please proceed with caution.

I know two people, one colleague and one family member, who made the stupid decision to cheat, got a HUGE fright (for whatever reason) and it changed them as people, made them better spouses and parents as they realised what they almost lost.

I know for a fact that neither of their spouses found out about the cheating and whilst you might think they got off very lightly given their selfish, disgusting behaviour, I can now see several very happy strong families who probably wouldnt have survived the heartache/doubt/recriminations

Please dont think Im either condoning his behaviour or doubting your motives, I definitely am not, its just an observation Ive made that I thought Id share.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

[fiveisanawfullybignumber]

Thanks Squee, but it was along time ago, happy with new DH (of 11 years) now, but I wish someone would have told me the truth.

[Rannaldini]

Don't tell her

[ArthurMcAffertyandhisCat]

stupid iPhone
If anyone had told me what was going on I wouldn't have blamed them. And I certainly would have expected my best friend to tell me.

What a cock he sounds

[AnonymousBird]

Oh OP, an utterly unenviable situation. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. No one wins here.

Good luck and wishing your friend lots of love and strength, which she will get from you, at this very difficult time for her.

[hulababy]

I would have to tell if it was me. It's too big a secret to keep from a best friend of several years.

Good luck. Not a nice position to be in, nor a nice conversation to have to have. But remember it is NOT your fault. This is the husband's doing, noone else's.

[chipmonkey]

Good luck Mega, you are doing the right thing.

[MollysChamber]

Good luck Megatron.

In light of the fact that you are long term friends who have discussed what you would do in this situation I think you're right to tell her the facts and let her take it from there. Also to tell her you will support her whatever happens.

What a horrible situation to be put in.

[overmydeadbody]

Good luck Megatron. You're doing the right thing. Your poor poor friend.

[Theantsgomarching]

You are a great friend, she is lucky to have you

[Bogeyface]

How did you get on? Hope it went as well as such a horrible thing can, you definitely did the right thing.