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AIBU?

Babysitter having sex?!

210 replies

JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 17:57

This is a long story, I'll try to keep it short.

On Wednesday night, me and DP went out and asked a family friend's DD (17) to babysit for our DS's (7 and 5), we said her boyfriend could come round as well as they are both lovely teens.

Everything seemed fine, until today.

We have security cameras in/around our house and DP was checking them as there has been a group of teenagers causing nuisance around our neighbours' house over the past couple of weeks, so was seeing if any damage was caused, when he called me over.

On the camera, we saw the babysitter and her boyfriend kissing, then beginning to get undressed before disappearing into another room, and coming out some time later. I can only assume they had sex in there, and I feel quite disgusted and as though our home has been violated.

DS's were fast asleep upstairs, so no concern there, but I just don't know what to do. WWYD?

OP posts:
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ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 30/04/2011 23:08

Why on earth do you feel violated because someone had sex in your house? It's not as though they had sex in your bed?

Don't you have sex when your kids are asleep - do you feel it puts them in danger? If not, why is it an issue that a babysitter was having sex?

In the future you need to tell her/other babysitters/guests that you operated CCTV around the outside of the house and the cameras capture 'this area' inside the house.

It is very naive to ask teenagers to babysit and think they wont be having sex!

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bleedingstill · 01/05/2011 00:12

I just fainted at "little tramp"

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aurynne · 01/05/2011 00:33

I think next time you should give the babysitter a number of rules:

  1. No feeding candy to the kids.


  1. Kids in bed by 7:30


  1. No shagging in the house.


4....
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Niceguy2 · 01/05/2011 09:22

I think you (OP) was very naive to think that they wouldnt have sex.

Isnt it like a rite of passage to shag your BF whilst babysitting? I know I slept with my GF at that age whilst we "babysat". It's one of the few times at that age we get privacy from the wrinklies

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neighbourhoodwitch · 01/05/2011 09:26

No you are not being U at all, I think it is appalling and I wouldn't use this sitter again. God forbid, but what if the kids needed help and/or walked in on them? - I think it is not on. Thoughts are with you.

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breathing · 01/05/2011 09:29

I agree with those who think its pretty bad manners to shag in the nhouse of someone who is paying you to mind their kids. Being kid enough to allow company does not mean you have openly invited them to have sex in your home, they should be more respectful. And yes I have been 17 and no I wasnt "shagging" then

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Al0uiseG · 01/05/2011 09:30

Babysitters perks :o

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Bogeyface · 01/05/2011 09:31

It wasnt a rite of passage for me! My BF came with me a few time baby sitting and we never had sex.

that said, the manky pervert husband was more of a risk as far as sex was concerned! He tried it on once and I pushed him off and shouted "PISS OFF!" and went out to the car his wife was waiting in to give me a lift home! Its awful when I think back, I should have told someone but as he was a teacher at my school I was more worried that I would get into trouble for swearing at him, how naive was I? Hmm They went through babysitters like water and that was why. He did actually have a brief fling with one of my school mates (VIth form so she was about 17) and there was hell to pay, so he did get his come uppance eventually!

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Bogeyface · 01/05/2011 09:32

Meant to say, he got a bit "up close and personal" a few times but that was the one time he really tried it on, and the last time I babysat for them obviously!

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SueSylvesterforPM · 01/05/2011 09:33

I would have a word tbh if think its prudent to have cameras where a young child is being looked afterr by someone you may not know terribly well.

may just be me.

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gkys · 01/05/2011 09:38

OP it sounds as if they took full advantage of the situation, tell her no boyfriend next time, i would be a little peeved too, but whats done is done, ignore posters who are ranting about cctv, its to protect your property as you have clarified several times.

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CheerfulYank · 01/05/2011 09:43

YANBU, and I'm astounded at how many people think you are. If DH and I were watching some of our friend's kids, it would be bizarre if we popped off for a quick shag while they were sleeping! Would anyone disagree with that?! But because the babysitter is 17 it's fine? Hmm Yes, I got up to all kinds of nonsense when I was 17 (and it wasn't so terribly long ago), but this I'd never have done. That's what my BF's truck was for.

And the OP has stated clearly that the cameras were not to film people inside the house. Step off!

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Bogeyface · 01/05/2011 09:58

Just asked DHs opinion, which is illuminating to say the least!

"Well, they're 17, its hardly surprising is it? I did when I went babysitting with my GF at the time"

"Ok" says I, "Imagine this was X (our neighbours dd) and her BF babysitting here"

That would be different apparantly, although he couldnt explain why and then he did have the good grace to laugh at his own double standards and admitted that he was a dirty fecker himself who only went babysitting with his GF cos there was a good chance he would get his end away :o

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foreverondiet · 01/05/2011 10:35

OP - I sympathise with you. For me it would depend if I wanted the babysitter to come back. If you do then say you have decided its not appropriate for her boyfriend to come round as one of your friends told you about a babysitter having sex etc and although you know she wouldn't be tempted you'd rather not take the chance as you aren't comfortable with this.

If you don't want to use her again then make an excuse.

I wouldn't care about the distraction aspect - more risk of kids coming downstairs and seeing and also that if she wants to have sex she should have it in her parents house not mine.

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rockinhippy · 01/05/2011 10:56

bogeyface - I've just had pretty much the same chat with my DH - as I too was pretty astounded by the number of people that think its acceptable behaviour Shock

Strangely got the same double standards answer too Grin

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Bogeyface · 01/05/2011 11:23

Rockinhippy, are you a good girl that got led astray by your DH too then?! :o

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rockinhippy · 01/05/2011 11:57

LOl bogeyface .... No, late starter....& maybe brought up with better manners than to think OPs babysitter behaviour is acceptable ........

& though DH is no angel, bI can't blame him for leading me astray, I'd done that one all by myself, before we ever met Blush...lol

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cheesyscones · 01/05/2011 12:07

I do not think it it acceptable behavoir.

I would not use her again and I would tell her why.

Would this be acceptable if it were a child minder or nanny?

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motherinferior · 01/05/2011 12:13

Seventeen. Someone else's house. Opportunity to shag. Er...

When we've had 17 year old babysitters plus BF 'to do some revision' we make a lot of noise coming back in, in order to give them a chance to switch the light back on Wink.

And yes, I do think it's slightly unnerving to think that you and your partner watched this young couple get undressed on film.

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SueSylvesterforPM · 01/05/2011 12:15

I think watching them get undressed is a bit off when it err'became clear' what was about to happen maybe it should have been turned off

but the flipside of that is it shouldn't have happend in your house.

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warthog · 01/05/2011 12:21

yanbu

i wouldn't be happy either.

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clam · 01/05/2011 12:31

"I do think it's slightly unnerving to think that you and your partner watched this young couple get undressed on film."

That's a little unfair, I think. You're implying that they sat down to actively ogle. They were not intending to film the girl. It's a security camera which happened to pick up their movements. So whoever said they'd be straight down to the police station is grossly over-reacting.

I am amazed at how much of hard time the OP has been given. I think it's disrespectful to nip off for a shag in someone else's house, particularly when she's being paid to look after children. I don't see that it's relevant that they were asleep (could have woken and come looking for her anyway) or that the OP and her DP have sex. It's their house!

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Beccabell · 01/05/2011 12:40

This was bound to happen - what an opportunity for them. It's your fault more than theirs - they're just kids.
I would allow her to babysit again, but don't allow boyfriends next time, and don't mention the security cameras!

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rockinhippy · 01/05/2011 12:54

I'm curious Confused

those of you who think that the OP IS being UR -

how would you feel if you invited friends over for, say, dinner, kids tucked up in bed - your then friends ducked off & popped into a spare room for a quick Shag ??? -

yes its what couples do - but would you not find that UR & bad mannered, & that they were using your home as a cheap hotel???

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VivaLeBeaver · 01/05/2011 13:04

I wouldn't like to think that 2 people I don't know very well have had sex in my house. Its one thing thinking that houseguests may have got jiggy in the sparebed - I can change the sheets, etc. These 2 have probably done it in your marital bed though.

But I do think its unresonable to not have thought beforehand that they'd probably do this and I also think you a=outght to adjust your camera so it doesn't film people in the house.

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