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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babysitter having sex?!

210 replies

JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 17:57

This is a long story, I'll try to keep it short.

On Wednesday night, me and DP went out and asked a family friend's DD (17) to babysit for our DS's (7 and 5), we said her boyfriend could come round as well as they are both lovely teens.

Everything seemed fine, until today.

We have security cameras in/around our house and DP was checking them as there has been a group of teenagers causing nuisance around our neighbours' house over the past couple of weeks, so was seeing if any damage was caused, when he called me over.

On the camera, we saw the babysitter and her boyfriend kissing, then beginning to get undressed before disappearing into another room, and coming out some time later. I can only assume they had sex in there, and I feel quite disgusted and as though our home has been violated.

DS's were fast asleep upstairs, so no concern there, but I just don't know what to do. WWYD?

OP posts:
FannyNil · 30/04/2011 21:11

Would you feel violated if anyone staying in your house had sex? If the children were asleep, what's the problem? It's what teenagers do - you gave them a great opportunity.

worraliberty · 30/04/2011 21:15

Which room did they end up disappearing into then? Confused

ilovepancakes · 30/04/2011 21:17

I dont think it was right what they did but i cant understand why anyone should have to explaine about OUTDOOR cctv?

Original poster
JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 21:18

"But supposing it was a warm night and they had been sat out in the garden?

How fecking big is your house that you dont expect them to be in certain "corridors"..."

It never crosses my mind to inform people of outside cameras, because they are there for SECURITY purposes and not for spying on people.

And, not that the size of my house has ANYTHING to do with this thread, the utility room is part of an extension, and the utility corridor leads to that. Problem?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 30/04/2011 21:21

So you have told your babysitter which rooms she is and isnt allowed into then?

Obviously your bedroom would be out of bounds, and that would go without saying, but as for the rest of the downstairs of the house?

280169 · 30/04/2011 21:22

i do think yo are a bit u.They are 17 so not under age , your dc were asleep and you said he could come round.What do you expect from teenagers.....you offered it on a plate.What harm did they do?

surely you have sex in the house when dc are asleep.

marmaladetwatkins · 30/04/2011 21:24

"Marmalade, I wouldn't expect someone to tell me if they had CCTV on the side of their house, so I don't think I should have 'warned' my babysitter, especially considering they don't film anywhere that I would expect her to be."

You said you have cctv inside and outside of your house. I confess to not having read every single post so I am guessing you are claiming that the cctv cameras outside your house managed to film inside the house?

How odd, if this is the case.

administrator · 30/04/2011 21:26

Disregarding all the issues on here, some I agree with and some I don't, if my daughter came home and said that the lady whom she regulary babysat for had told her that there was footage of my daughter kissing and getting partially undressed with a boyfriend, I would go to the police. End of, no questions asked.
Think about it- I understand where you are coming from but you need to think about this from the girls point of view.

TheSecondComing · 30/04/2011 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AppleyEverAfter · 30/04/2011 21:28

I just wouldn't hire her again. Don't like the idea of people having sex in my house. It just freaks me out! Apart from me and DH of course, but then we pay the mortgage.

Find someone else and make it clear they are not to have friends/boyfriends around and that you have cctv. Also, you should probably have a sign in your window warning people coming into your house or onto your property about the CCTV. This is only fair, don't think it's a legal requirement though. And it may stop those pesky hoodies from hanging around too close to your house.

Original poster
JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 21:28

Oh FGS, stop trying to make out like I'm a creep - the issue is NOT about the cameras, it is about the fact that I felt uncomfortable that people I was paying to look after my children were shagging in my house!

Would you be focussing so much on the cameras if they were both 15?

I really don't see how it is a relevant point at all.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 30/04/2011 21:29

Maybe they knew, and are going to sue you for covert filming?

Original poster
JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 21:30

TheSecondComing - oh do be quiet. It faces across the garden, not specifically IN the house.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 30/04/2011 21:31

but the OP didnt intend to film them having sex Administrator, or at least that is what I understand from her posts.. and you wouldnt expect to see them bonking in a corridor...

rushing to the police would be a bit extreme...

lets play devils advocate though here...

supposing the girl had invited her boyfriend over, and he had been forcing her into something against her will ... and the film showed that...

AppleyEverAfter · 30/04/2011 21:32

Sorry OP but if I came to your house for a brew and a chat then found out after the visit I had been on camera, even for part of the visit, I'd be a bit annoyed that you hadn't mentioned it. It's not a normal thing to do, even though I know people who have CCTV at home, it's not a given. You should have told her and then this whole situation would have been avoided.

marmaladetwatkins · 30/04/2011 21:32

Yes, I would be focussing on the cameras if they were both fifteen. You're on shaky ground and you know it, that's why you're getting defensive/changing tack when people have probed into the positioning of your cctv.

But the thing is, they're not fifteen. They're seventeen. They're ok to have sex. It's a matter of taste, granted, whether you'd do it in someone else's home but they're not actually doing anything wrong, illegally or morally (unless you're of the Victorian persusaion and don't much like sex out of wedlock) Whereas your filming of people who don't know they're being filmed could be called into question...

Zimbah · 30/04/2011 21:32

I definitely wouldn't use her again. And I would be pretty shocked if a babysitter had sex in my house - it's not the fact she's 17 etc, that's not really relevant - I wouldn't expect to ask a any couple, married, whatever, round to babysit and them to have sex in the house. Now if it were a couple who were actually staying the night (whether to babysit or just friends staying over) then I don't care what they get up to in their bedroom, but I wouldn't want them going into random rooms in my house and having sex, it icks me out.

I would never have dreamed of having sex while babysitting, it's really disrespectful.

280169 · 30/04/2011 21:36

but if it were not for the cameras oyu woul have no i dea they had been at it.

who cares there 17 for goodness sake
you said the bf could come round

dont be so naieve

your kids were asleep

you said yourself they are nice teenagers

the cameras are a problem they are the issue

if you dont want teenagers shagging in your house dont employ them as sitters
at least she didnt sneak him in, you invited him

Original poster
JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 21:38

Marmalade, of course I'm getting defensive - people are accusing me of ulterior motives for having CCTV to protect my family after THREE break ins.

And yes, I do think there is something morally wrong with having sex in someone else's house while being paid to look after their children.

OP posts:
maxpower · 30/04/2011 21:38

OP I think you're getting sidetracked by the number of posters who have gone on about the cameras. That aside, have any of the response that haven't just gone on about the filming helped you decide what to do?

Serenitysutton · 30/04/2011 21:39

I can't believe so many people don't care about people shagging in your house! It's not a knocking shop.

Nixea · 30/04/2011 21:41

sigh Yet another case of an OP posting on AIBU when they're so certain that they're not being....

If you're just going to snap at everyone who doesn't agree with you then why post at all? Is it for sympathy? Justification? shrug

marmaladetwatkins · 30/04/2011 21:43

No, no-one is worrying aout you having ulterior motives. It's up to you if you wish to use cctv in and around your own home BUT it's bad form not to tell people they're on camera, whether you think they should be in a certain part of the house or not. I would be really embarrassed if I discovered I'd been filmed without my prior knowledge.

Plus, you're assuming they had sex. You don't know for definite that they did. Chances are that they did, but you don't categorically know.

IgnoringTheChildren · 30/04/2011 21:43

If you're being paid to babysit then you shouldn't be shagging your boyfriend! (I'm slightly concerned that I appear to be in the minority with this opinion! Confused ) It is possible for a 17 year old to spend time with her boyfriend without getting naked, however clearly not this 17 year old. Delete the film. Find a different babysitter if you don't feel happy about this happening again.

BitOfFun · 30/04/2011 21:43

What is the issue with the sex exactly? What is it about that which you are objecting to?

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