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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Babysitter having sex?!

210 replies

JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 17:57

This is a long story, I'll try to keep it short.

On Wednesday night, me and DP went out and asked a family friend's DD (17) to babysit for our DS's (7 and 5), we said her boyfriend could come round as well as they are both lovely teens.

Everything seemed fine, until today.

We have security cameras in/around our house and DP was checking them as there has been a group of teenagers causing nuisance around our neighbours' house over the past couple of weeks, so was seeing if any damage was caused, when he called me over.

On the camera, we saw the babysitter and her boyfriend kissing, then beginning to get undressed before disappearing into another room, and coming out some time later. I can only assume they had sex in there, and I feel quite disgusted and as though our home has been violated.

DS's were fast asleep upstairs, so no concern there, but I just don't know what to do. WWYD?

OP posts:
JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 21:44

"sigh Yet another case of an OP posting on AIBU when they're so certain that they're not being....

If you're just going to snap at everyone who doesn't agree with you then why post at all? Is it for sympathy? Justification? shrug"

Not at all, it's opened my eyes to how many people see this as acceptable, maybe I was BU to be disgusted.

I'm annoyed by how many people think I'm some sort of paedo for having cctv to protect my house.

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 30/04/2011 21:44

"I can't believe so many people don't care about people shagging in your house! It's not a knocking shop."

A knocking shop? Isn't that a brothel? How does engaging in sex with your boyfriend equate to using the house as a brothel?

squeakytoy · 30/04/2011 21:45

and yes, I do think there is something morally wrong with having sex in someone else's house while being paid to look after their children.

If the kids had been locked into a room with a fruit shoot and a dvd then yes, but as they were fast asleep in bed, then no harm has been done at all.

A bit of sneaky bonking is quite difficult for teenagers, hence why babysitting has always been the easiest excuse in the book for a bit of illicit activity once the kids are asleep.

usualsuspect · 30/04/2011 21:45

Its perfectly normal to shag your boyfriend at 17 at every given opportunity Grin

280169 · 30/04/2011 21:46

its not a knocking shop she invited bot of them into her home and left them alone

kids were safe and asleep

teenagers were just teenagers ffs just dont ask her again end of....

Nixea · 30/04/2011 21:49

"Not at all, it's opened my eyes to how many people see this as acceptable, maybe I was BU to be disgusted."

I think this is one of those areas where everyone has their own standards, which I would imagine many base of what they got up to at that age. I can understand being frustrated that the thread has focused on the CCTV aspect though, although I think the confusion between whether the camera's are interior or exterior probably contributed towards that.

To be honest, it doesn't really matter what any of us think. If you're uncomfortable with the situation then either find another sitter or in future make it clear you'd prefer her not to bring the BF. As for the WWYD aspect - personally I'd ensure I deleted the footage and mention it to the girl next time. Although I'd probably lie as well as say it's just been installed - making sure to explain why (burglars, trouble, etc.).

Whatever you decide, best of luck.

marmaladetwatkins · 30/04/2011 21:49

"I'm annoyed by how many people think I'm some sort of paedo for having cctv to protect my house."

FGS woman, stop being hysterical. Where did "paedo" come into it?

Serenitysutton · 30/04/2011 21:49

Engaging in sex with your boyfriend in someone elses house? Which you are in to do a job?

I'm not surprised 17 yos do it, but that's because teenagers and hormone filled and immature. I wouldn't, as an adult, condone it, because I know better.

FabbyChic · 30/04/2011 21:50

I wonder if the OP was ever young once? Or perhaps she waited until she was 25 and married before partaking in some shagging.

Nixea · 30/04/2011 21:50

When I say mention it, I mean the CCTV being in place rather than the "event". Sorry, that wasn't so clear.

JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 21:53

"FGS woman, stop being hysterical. Where did "paedo" come into it?"

In previous pages, people have said I filmed them to get some sort of enjoyment out of it.

OP posts:
ilovepancakes · 30/04/2011 21:53

I think you should end this thread now coz you evidently cant win.
Hope you get it sorted janefonda Smile

TheSecondComing · 30/04/2011 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneFonda · 30/04/2011 21:56

"I wonder if the OP was ever young once? Or perhaps she waited until she was 25 and married before partaking in some shagging."

Well, obviously not, considering I have two children and a DP. I never had sex at anyone's house that i was babysitting at.

OP posts:
rockinhippy · 30/04/2011 21:56

YANBU - you trusted her & she broke that trust .....

more than a bit Hmm at some of the replies you've had .... & yes of course its what teens DO, but FFS, why does the OP have to be happy about that in HER house

you asked her to babysit your kids, which no doubt you were paying her for.......not pop round & shag her boyfriend in your house ...maybe you should be charging her knocking shop rates for the use of your roomGrin

I'd be p'd off too, & I wouldn't have her baby sit again either .....

marmaladetwatkins · 30/04/2011 21:56

Well even so, it wouldn't make you a paedo as they're seventeen. More like a weirdy peeping Tom.

Not saying that's what I think you are, just clarifying about the paedophile thing.

Look, you don't think you were being unreasonable. Don't use her again. You're not obliged to if for any reason you are unhappy with her services.

ilovepancakes · 30/04/2011 22:00

YANBU! AT ALL!

HeadfirstForHalos · 30/04/2011 22:00

I thought 17 yr old babysitters were supposed to shag their boyfriends on the job?! So long as the dc were tucked up asleep in bed, I can't see the problem.

280169 · 30/04/2011 22:03

rokinhippy

why how did she break trust, she never left the kids alone or unsafe
the bf was invited

op-i would let it lie,you may not like it but its happened move on

annsmum · 30/04/2011 22:11

disrepectful of them to have sex-if they actually did- in your home. I wouldn't ask her to babysit again. However you should have told her about the camera. Why was your DP checking the film anyway? seems you were checking up on them which doesn't seem right.

rockinhippy · 30/04/2011 22:17

&2080169* Its obvious from the OP that the babysitter was TRUSTED to behave in a respectable manner & respect the OPs property - which she hasn't done

& FTR , being caught shagging at work, is legally an instant dismissal offence ...not quite the same thing granted, but the OP is employing her to BABYSIT

topknob · 30/04/2011 22:21

ah whatever, baby sitters invite bf's round for sex, it is known unless you are stupid...I can't believe you filmed them without informing them though, that is more wrong.

FessaEst · 30/04/2011 22:28

The thing is - you can't really do anything. You don't know they had sex, you have a suspicion. That suspician is no more than anymore than anyone else would have on hearing a 17 yr old and her boyfriend were babysitting together for an evening. Therefore, your only option is to say that she must babysit on her own from now on. It seems a little odd (imvho) to be totally fine about them being on their own in your house, but feeling violated by them having intimate physical contact in that time. Would you be ok with just kissing, sitting on the same sofa, holding hands? Everyone has different boundaries, so it would be safer to just say no to him coming round, no?

I do find the whole camera thing a bit strange (completely understand your rationale etc), and would be v uncomfortable to know that I had been filmed when babysitting (though, I never did wnything more daring than nick a biscuit or naughty can of coke). My Dad had an outside camera installed after break-ins, but it really couldn't possibly see inside the house. I would consider moving the angle slightly if I were you.

Most importantly, this is someone you have entrusated the care of your children to, because you felt she was responsible enough to deal wiht situations relating to them as they arise. Not sure any of this should change that, and it would be a shame to never have someone you have found and felt able to trust with your children (a rarity) to babysit again, when it could all be avoided by her not having her bf in your house.

takethisonehereforastart · 30/04/2011 22:35

OP YANBU to feel they shouldn't have had sex in your home but you were perhaps naive not to consider that they might.

Also I think it's unfair that you are getting all these negative comments about the cameras.

I grew up living on the premises where my parents work and got used to having cameras, locks and alarms all over the place.

We/they often get visits from both the police and neighbours on the street if something has happened, asking if they can check the cameras to see if they picked anything up.

We don't have cameras on/in our house or garden now but every so often I do consider getting one for the front porch and one for the parking area at the back of the garden. My friend has a system that works through her TV and if someone knocks at her door she just changes the channel to see who it is before she answers.

As someone who is frequently stalked by my IL's I would love that system, I just can't explain why to DH Grin.

I don't think you are voyeurs to have some home security or to check it when asked, and lets face it, if one of the cameras is picking up footage inside the house it's you and your family that are mostly being filmed.

It's also unreasonable to think you still have the film or assume you were using it to check up on the babysitter.

And nowhere did you say that the problem you have with this is that your children were in the house. You actually said they were upstairs asleep and so no complaints there.

They were there to take care of the children but that doesn't give them the free run of your entire house.

Living room, kitchen, bathroom and kids bedrooms (and whatever corridors they need to use to get there) are fair enough but the rest of it should be off limits.

If they hadn't wandered out of the areas you rightly expected them to stay in then they wouldn't have been caught on the film, as you say it's at the other side of the house.

I can also believe they were stripping off in a corridor. If they are young enough to have sex whenever and wherever they get the chance why wouldn't they be stripping off and leaving a trail of clothes through the house on the way to the bedroom (or the dining room table, wherever they did it?). We've all done that haven't we? Blush

I might feel a bit violated if someone I trusted was roaming around my house when they were there in a position of trust, with or without the sex.

Although I would actually expect babysitting teenages to get up to something, with or without permission for the boyfriend to visit too (which is why my fifteen year old neice is never asked to babysit LO).

cityangel · 30/04/2011 23:02

I am confused as to what you thought she would do if you allowed the 'nice' boyfriend over. Have you not been 17 yourselves? Had you even met the boyfriend before to allow him close proximity to your children?! Trust is introduced gradually had she babysat on her own before?

IMO - They were just having some fun knowing the kids were asleep upstairs. You still need to have confidence that they could deal with kids waking up/ ill/ coming downstairs. Fire/ net door issue/ burglary etc.

If they're not up to the job its ultimately your challenge for having thought they were in the first place.

As for filming in the home if they have nothing to hide and you're not explicitly filming undressing then there's no issue in my mind.