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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For getting snappy with DP for nagging about sex?

217 replies

tiiredacheyandskint · 30/04/2011 10:02

Last week DP and I had booked a 2 day trip. First day involved a 6 mile walk through the dales - travel lodge - and then 2nd day to be spend in the lake district. So first day we did the 6 mile walk, it was blazing hot, I got quite bad sun burn - when we made it back to the travel lodge I was tired, achey and sunburnt and just wanted to flake out for an hour until we went out to find a resteraunt. DP however began nagging for sex AS SOON as we got back to the travel lodge. He went on and on about it, really presuring and pushing the issue. I told him I was going to get a bath and he kept saying things like "ok, sex first then bath?" or when I asked if he wanted a coffee he said "ok, coffee then sex?" it was really getting on my nerves but I didn't want to snap and end up arguing and spoiling the trip. In the end I gave in simply so we could actually get on with our evening without him nagging at me. So it turns out he couldn't keep an erection anyway!!! we tried twice, he couldn't do it. Finally we went out to dinner.

When we got back I made it clear I was absolutely knackered, so was he thankfully so we went straight to sleep.

5am in the morning I'm woken up by him touching me. I told him I was shattered and to let me sleep. He carried on. 6am I asked him to make me a coffee and so it startd again "ok, coffee first and then sex?" I'm not the most patient of people first thing in a morning so I could feel myself getting extremely irritated almost instantly. He made me a coffee, I began drinking it and he carried on trying to touch me up. I told him to leave me alone whilst I drank my coffee, he said "you don't need to do anything, you just drink your coffee and let me play with you" Hmm eventually I snapped and said "LOOK, WILL YOU JUST LET ME DRINK MY COFFEE???" he got off me instantly and a few minutes later asked "why are you in a mood?" so I replied "because I hate being nagged and presured for sex" he said "but I'm just trying to make the most of it! we don't get to stay out very often" so I said "and you have completely put me off by nagging at me about it". I've warned him before that nagging puts me off.

He later said he was concerned about his failure to maintain an erection the day earlier and wanted to make the most of the erection he developed early that morning. I explained to him that I can't just "be ready" whenever he develops an erection and nagging and pressuring is the worst way to go about it.

We didn't end up having sex at all whilst we were away.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Kentmummy · 30/04/2011 10:07

Nope! Sounds like my DH and I've told him countless times it totally puts me off but he still persists and I, too, have just given in to shut him up and been irritated the whole way through sex!
It is very fooking annoying and yanbu!

amberleaf · 30/04/2011 10:07

YANBU

Is it possible that he thought it was going to be a 'dirty weekend'?

Sounds as though he may be anxious anbout his erection issues as well though but dont think hes going the right way about dealing with it at all.

Def not BU

GypsyMoth · 30/04/2011 10:08

good god!!!

yanbu

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 30/04/2011 10:11

YANBU

What is it with men who pester and nag for sex all the time. Haven't any of them learned that it's one of the biggest turn offs going Confused

heliumballoons · 30/04/2011 10:19

YANBU, my ex-p was similar.

I agree with chaotic its a turn off.

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 30/04/2011 10:29

Yuk. What a loser. Yanbu

Groovee · 30/04/2011 10:37

It is a turn off and DH annoys me when we're child free and starts on with the jokes etc. But then again some men don't know when to shut up.

ccpccp · 30/04/2011 10:44

Sounds like you ruined the dirty weekend with your disinterest.

unsurevalentine · 30/04/2011 10:48

Do you lot not like having sex? Thought that was part of being in a relationship? I can understand not liking being nagged but ffs the man fancies you and wants you?!

Other than the occasions described when do you want a shag?!

colditz · 30/04/2011 10:49

ccpccp - who says it was supposed to be s dirty weekend? Dirty weekends don't start with 6 mile hikes, IME.

i'd have told him to fuck the fuck off and stop acting like a Jack Russell - I actually have a fairly high drive but hate to be mithered./

noodle69 · 30/04/2011 10:49

My first thought was if I had the weekend without the kids the last thing I would want to do was go on a 6 mile walk round lake district. Surely it would of been more fun to stay in and shag?

unsurevalentine · 30/04/2011 10:50

Agree with noodle...

colditz · 30/04/2011 10:51

She had sunburn, people! And then he woke her up at 5 am, and didn't respect her request to let her sleep, because The Great And MIghty Penis Has Needs, doncha know!

If he's actually left her alone, and not mithered her from dawn after she specifically asked him not to, he's have probably got laid.

But who likes being woken out of a deep sleep for whiny demanding sex?

FabbyChic · 30/04/2011 10:52

I agree with the noodle.

GypsyMoth · 30/04/2011 10:54

i want to know how he expects to have sex when you are holding,presumably hot,coffee!!!Confused

unsurevalentine · 30/04/2011 10:57

To be fair to the op my opinion isn't really valid atm as my OH is away till the end of the year so the thought of being pestered for sex is quite attractive Grin

tigerhead · 30/04/2011 10:58

YABU.

You're making him feel unwanted, and by rejecting his advances (even though they seem naggy to you), will upset him.

Instead of shouting at him, explain to him exactly why you're not in the mood at that time, but I think, if you have the intention of having sex with him in the near future, you should say so.

It may seem naggy to you, but some men just don't understand that.

By the way, you said that you can't just be ready when he develops an erection - hence why he was 'playing' with you in the morning. Cut him a bit of slack, imagine how you'd feel if he shouted at you for trying to initiate.

NulliusInVerba · 30/04/2011 10:58

Gosh I am amazed by some of these answers.

Did your DH book this trip by any chance? It appears he thought this was a shagging weekend and nothing more.

Let me say, that this behaviour is not acceptable. Just because you dared go away from home for two days (GASP!) does not mean that you then become a sex toy for your husband.

We are not living in the dark ages and just because you are married does not mean you have to have sex with him. Your body your choice. I can totally understand you not bieng in the mood after the way he behaved.

TheProvincialLady · 30/04/2011 10:59

I wouldn't fancy a dirty weekend with a whiny, bullying bore with erection problems. I would definitely take the 6 hour hike.

YANBU. Nothing could be less sexy than what you describe.

noodle69 · 30/04/2011 11:02

Surely you shouldnt be forced to have sex with him but in any a normal marriage you would be eager to have sex with him the second you get away as you have loads of glorious time for yourselves and thats what those cheap deals at the travelodge were invented for Wink. Sounds like there is more issues behind this.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 30/04/2011 11:02

So a man wants to shag you and you should just be grateful and let him?

Does the OP's needs and wants not come into it? Why is he not respecting her wishes? Why should only she respect his wishes?

Man. Penis. Shag. Woman. Grateful. Compliant.

Lovely.

squeakytoy · 30/04/2011 11:04

I can completely see the Ops point and have had the same issues with my husband. It is very annoying when it is like having a toddler pestering and whinging and it does ruin the moment.

Xales · 30/04/2011 11:04

He woke her at 5am and then after she asked him to stop and let her sleep carried on touching her for an hour until she asked for a coffee and then carried on touching her.

He may have been horney and wanting to make use of his erection but he actually decided that the op wanting to sleep and have her personal space, tiredness and wants respected was not as important as him getting his end away.

Why would she want sex with someone so disrespectful and like a dog trying to hump her all the time.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 30/04/2011 11:04

noodle - there are obviously other things going on as the OP mentions she has asked him in the past not to nag. He sounds like he has a large sense of entitlement.

noodle69 · 30/04/2011 11:05

No I just think if I went away with my husband both of us would be eager to have sex as soon as we get there evenly as each other cause we want to, fancy each other etc. I wouldnt be grateful it would be something both of us evenly would want. If you dont then there must be more issues behind it imo.