For getting snappy with DP for nagging about sex?

[tiiredacheyandskint]

Last week DP and I had booked a 2 day trip. First day involved a 6 mile walk through the dales - travel lodge - and then 2nd day to be spend in the lake district. So first day we did the 6 mile walk, it was blazing hot, I got quite bad sun burn - when we made it back to the travel lodge I was tired, achey and sunburnt and just wanted to flake out for an hour until we went out to find a resteraunt. DP however began nagging for sex AS SOON as we got back to the travel lodge. He went on and on about it, really presuring and pushing the issue. I told him I was going to get a bath and he kept saying things like "ok, sex first then bath?" or when I asked if he wanted a coffee he said "ok, coffee then sex?" it was really getting on my nerves but I didn't want to snap and end up arguing and spoiling the trip. In the end I gave in simply so we could actually get on with our evening without him nagging at me. So it turns out he couldn't keep an erection anyway!!! we tried twice, he couldn't do it. Finally we went out to dinner.

When we got back I made it clear I was absolutely knackered, so was he thankfully so we went straight to sleep.

5am in the morning I'm woken up by him touching me. I told him I was shattered and to let me sleep. He carried on. 6am I asked him to make me a coffee and so it startd again "ok, coffee first and then sex?" I'm not the most patient of people first thing in a morning so I could feel myself getting extremely irritated almost instantly. He made me a coffee, I began drinking it and he carried on trying to touch me up. I told him to leave me alone whilst I drank my coffee, he said "you don't need to do anything, you just drink your coffee and let me play with you" eventually I snapped and said "LOOK, WILL YOU JUST LET ME DRINK MY COFFEE???" he got off me instantly and a few minutes later asked "why are you in a mood?" so I replied "because I hate being nagged and presured for sex" he said "but I'm just trying to make the most of it! we don't get to stay out very often" so I said "and you have completely put me off by nagging at me about it". I've warned him before that nagging puts me off.

He later said he was concerned about his failure to maintain an erection the day earlier and wanted to make the most of the erection he developed early that morning. I explained to him that I can't just "be ready" whenever he develops an erection and nagging and pressuring is the worst way to go about it.

We didn't end up having sex at all whilst we were away.

AIBU?

To me that reads "what is the point of men"

The point of men is the same as the point of women! To live lives as healthy, happy and fulfulling as possible and to try to contribute to the happiness of others. Regardless of their genitalia. That surely is quite simply to understand?

Pingu- I'm really sorry but you dp's behaviour is unacceptable and incredibly selfish. To be honest with you, I wouldn't put up with this at all. You're worth so much more than that, and as your husband, he should fully understand that and treat you accordingly. It's not about him being a 'man' at all, its about him being manipulative and disrespectful!!

Why do people need to patronise, flaunt their education and and accuse others of being thick when they disagree with another's POV

Kind of like bullying or abuse really

'Why do people need to patronise, flaunt their education and and accuse others of being thick when they disagree with another's POV

Kind of like bullying or abuse really '

No one is doing that.

I disagree.

Perhaps bullying or abuse are harsh words, but unsurevalentine has a point. What is the motive behind doing that, if it doesn't add value to the advice you give?

Pingu, that's horrible. You might find it helpful to look into all the practical information about how to leave this this tosspot: knowledge is power and when you know that it's possible to leave, how much money you will be able to get, etc, then that will help you feel stronger and help you decide whether you want to give him a final warning or whether you just want to get the hell out.
Again: in a happy, healthy relationship, one partner will often ask for or suggest sex, sometimes when the other partner is doing or thinking about something else. And sometimes the result will be that the other partner says 'Ooh, yes, actually, what a good idea, let's have sex'. But, in a happy, healthy relationship, if the partner says, 'No, not right now, I'm not in the mood' then the other partner doesn't sulk and certainly, absolutely, doesn't start trying to have sex anyway. ie groping, fumbling, kissing or saying, 'Go on, just let me.'
If the partner who wants sex has repeatedly been turned down, then it's understandable that this person is unhappy, and perfectly reasonable to ask to talk about it and try to identify the problem and work on a way to solve it, of course. And if you are the partner who is being repeatedly rejected, it's ultimately OK to decide to leave the relatiosnship if the other person won't discuss it or doesn't agree that it's a problem.

unsurevalentine "Why do people need to patronise, flaunt their education and and accuse others of being thick when they disagree with another's POV

Kind of like bullying or abuse really"

Is that aimed at me? I made my [previous point] because the attitude that some posters have, that its somehow a woman's duty to have sex with her DH whenever he demands it, strikes me as more suitable to a time when women could not viably work to support themselves, and therefore perhaps had less choice about how they could react.

To me, its illogical to endanger the main source of your income by being too tired from constantly running after your man so that your work is affected. And any woman who has ever had to work to provide for herself would, I'm sure, appreciate such a view.

nonooksky I'm - are you saying as a working woman you can never have sex the night before you go to work the next day incase it compromises your working ability??!! [laughing out loud emotion] much fun to be had in your house then!

Is that even worth replying to?

Then please don't - I can't take any more... most women do or have worked to support themselves, you keep repeating this mantra that you have to work to support yourself and obviously don't need anybody else - good for you - some people like to be in a partnership whether working or not and are very happy!

Pingu I really feel for you. You need to have another chat with DH. When the time is right, I would sit him down and explain right from the beginning that this issue is getting you down. As others have said he is not respecting you at all. You said he does so much for you and your family - do you feel somehow as though you should be grateful and therefore compliant? You also said you adore him so he must have some good qualities but he is a total shit in the bedroom. Does he ever just concentrate on you? And if my DH EVER threatened to find sex elsewhere I would tell him where to go and not to ever come back. You should not have to live with that disrespect or threatening behaviour and you need to set him straight and start a new set of rules in the bedroom. Not every session needs to be a full one but you both deserve to be happy.

...evidently not.

I can't believe how many women think its ok for their husbands to sexually assault them, and guilt them into having sex with them.. It breaks my heart.

Pingu i dont think id bother attempting to talk about this any more , id just make plans to leave him . You dont have to put up with being abused like this.

I work full time to support myself bring up my kids alone and have loads of sex (willingly) with OH when he is around?!