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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about OH looking at porn??

342 replies

flamingoagogo · 18/04/2011 17:21

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

OP posts:
PoppyDoolally · 18/04/2011 20:20

CAN THE PHRASE CHILD PORN PLEASEW BE BANNED.

there is aworld of difference between pornography involving consenting adults and photographic or visual depiction of child abuse.

the sooner the language changes the better - it does child victims of sexual crime NO FAVOURS to call videos of child rape, bestiality or bondage 'porn'.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:22

Ah yes that old chestnut about men being visual.

Because women are all blind aren't we? I never notice if a man has pecs, or if he has a nice tight little arse or broad shoulders, or firm thighs, or beautiful eyes or a sensuous mouth, or rippling arms.... and teenage girls only have pictures of JLS on their walls because they like their music.... Hmm

MillyR · 18/04/2011 20:22

But it is porn. What else are people meant to call it?

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 20:24

Mine is checking his emails and I am off to find Michelle some evidence and stats should I find the time.

In the meantime Michelle have a look at the film in sethstarks post and grow up a little.

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 18/04/2011 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 18/04/2011 20:26

maybe all the dh's are not looking at the films??

maybe they are on webcam with a woman down the road??

all the free 'meet for sex' sites make it easy.....

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 18/04/2011 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:27

I don't suppose she actually thinks they are a different species does she. But then you all know this and are looking for an excuse to jump on anyone who disagrees with you.

CheerfulYank · 18/04/2011 20:27

Mine is at the playground with DS. Hmm (Only 2:30 here)

Before I left I asked him how he would feel if, in fourteen years' time, our little niece starred in a film called "young slut throat-fucked until she pukes." He said he was going to be sick.

The women in those films are someone's nieces, daughters, sisters.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 20:27

Yes, I watch Spartacus: Gods of the Arena for the authentic historical content, nothing to do with muscly men wearing next to nothing Wink.

They would have to accept that their man is doing something morally bereft, that's why it's easier to bury their heads and spout the toxic myths like "All men do it", or "it's harmless fantasy".

Only in rags like Cosmo would you see utter crap like "men are visual", still, if it's easier to pretend rather than confront.

PoppyDoolally · 18/04/2011 20:28

you could call it what it is.

eg, video of 8 year old child being raped by 2 male adults. its shocking isn;t it.

to callit kiddie/child porn almost sanitises it thrugh its association with the huge legal adult pornography industry, and arguably legitimises it to users of it by the umbrella term.

STOP THE TERM CHILD PORN in media especially

prosperina · 18/04/2011 20:29

"I'm really interested in the idea that there are always a couple of women (not the same ones each time!) who will come on these threads and defend porn by making out that every man watches it."

Jimmy Carr made a joke on twitter the other day. "Men voted the computer as the best time saving invention. True that, the amount of time I used to waste going to the newsagent to buy Razzle"

It's funny, because in part, there's a big dollop of truth there.

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 20:30

I think saying men are subject to physical urges they have no control over infantalises them, makes them sound like toddlers grabbing toys. Men can be every bit as sensitive and emotionally intelligent if they care to try. Many are and anyone who just dismisses any questionable behaviour as male behaviour doesn't respect men very much.

PeterSpanswick · 18/04/2011 20:30

My DH is obviously a deviant. He is of the opinion that he would rather have sex than watch other people have sex. He is evidently a danger to society and needs locking up!

MillyR · 18/04/2011 20:31

But it is called child pornography by many children's charities and government agencies. It also doesn't to involve any actual children. It is an offence to view computer generated child pornography in the UK, despite there being no actual children in it. And not all adult pornography is legal.

I think adult sex is fine. I don't need people to stop referring to a child sex offence as a child sex offence, just because it has the word sex in it. I am still able to understand that it is wrong and illegal.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:31

Why is this being turned into a discussion about child sexual abuse? That in no way can be compared to consenting adults making a sex film and it disgusts that anyone would would think it could be.

MillyR · 18/04/2011 20:32

I missed the word 'have' out of the second sentence.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:34

I can also choose not to support the making of pornography where this may mean the exploitation of other women, children and chickens.

I am shocked at you queenbathsheba! Please do not compare child sexual abuse with adult porn or lump them together. Incredibly offensive!

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:35

Well why not call some adult porn "video of woman being vaginally and anally raped by 2 men"

Lots of porn is simply women being raped. If you bothered to read the links and watch the video, you'd know that.

Have you read the links and watched the video, all those who are saying porn is fine?

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:36

Why is it incredibly offensive to link them plop?

The pornographers do. Some of the most popular sites on the internet boast: "barely legal"

What's the difference between a human being being raped at the age of 15 and one day later when she's 16? Or 17 and then one day later when she's 18?

theinet · 18/04/2011 20:37

i'm sure most of the women in the porn films choose and like being there, they look happy enough on the screen, and probably are well paid, what's the problem?

i don't think there's much exploitation at all in porn films.

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 18/04/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 20:40

What if that consenting adult is a victim of child rape and is so damaged that she lives in a drugged haze, not caring what is done to her in the name of legal, consenting porn? She's signed her body away , so that's fine right?

Jenna Jameson, a huge porn star, was gang raped at a young age, how many of the men who have sat wanking to her films even know that?
How many people know that Deep throat, one of the most well known porn titles, was actually rape on film, done with a gun to the actress's head?

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:43

Everyone has the choice whether or not to look at "barely legal" sites! If my DH was doing that he would be beaten, dumped and set on fire. But that's not what we are talking about. Did the OP say her husband is looking at child films? I think not. It just what you have decided. He may well be looking at the legal soft porn type but you have all decided he is watching videos of women being raped and children!

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:44

um, they look happy because they're acting!!

Then if they are acting then they are not being raped.