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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about OH looking at porn??

342 replies

flamingoagogo · 18/04/2011 17:21

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

OP posts:
Malificence · 18/04/2011 20:45

Talk about denial! The women who are ok with porn use always say that their partner would never use morally dubious porn Hmm

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 18/04/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:47

How many people know that Deep throat, one of the most well known porn titles, was actually rape on film, done with a gun to the actress's head?

Really, where did you find that out? The same website that doesn't believe the moon landing ever happened? You can find out all sort of shit on the internet, doesn't make it true.

PhishFoodAddiction · 18/04/2011 20:47

queenbathsheba yes that seems to be it, replacing natural resourcefulness in order to make money. It's a vicious cycle then, with people more and more to get off, and maybe looking for more extreme (and more expensive) porn once the thrill of the cheaper, more mainstream stuff has worn off.

I watched the video that was linked earlier too and it was horrific. I couldn't believe how easily the girls boundaries were squashed and how she was exploited. Just awful. Was very glad to see she'd given it up.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:48

Talk about denial! The women who are ok with porn use always say that their partner would never use morally dubious porn hmm

So all men who look at porn (and women as well I assume) are all peadophiles and rapists. Seriously is that what you believe?

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 18/04/2011 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:51

Does she actually say a gun was held to her head or does she just regret doing it? MASSIVE difference

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 20:51

Exploitation is exploitation and the fact remains that many women are exploited by the porn industry.

PlopPlopPing, why do you think that "barely legal" is so popular.

As a mother and having been a social worker child protection is possibly more on my radar than most.

If you look up the term abuse in the dictionary you will find that the exploitation of women and cruelty to animals can be covered by abuse. Somehow we only seem to equate the word abuse with domestic violence and child abuse.

Abuse and exploitation of women, children, animals when images of any of these activities appear on film and on the internet so that people get their jollies watching it......pornography.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:51

"I don't think there's much exploitation at all in porn films."

You mean you don't want to think that.

There's plenty of evidence that the whole industry is rotten to the core.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:53

"So all men who look at porn (and women as well I assume) are all peadophiles and rapists. Seriously is that what you believe?"

Where did anyone say that plop?

Try and engage with the arguments we are putting forward rather than the arguments you re pretending we've put forward.

toddlerwrangler · 18/04/2011 20:53

The simple fact of the matter is, there ARE women out there who choose to be in the porn industry, who are glad they are in the industry, and want to stay in the industry.

Likening the lovers guide to child pornography is a stupid and highly offensive way to justify a viewpoint.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:54

Yes of course there are some who choose to be there.

What about the ones who don't?

And what about if the choices are because they have been sexually abused as children or as very young women?

jojowest · 18/04/2011 20:55

but so is x-factor, britains got talent, and all the magazines who take stories and exploit the vulnerable. How many vulnerable people were used then just to boost ratings, make them a laughing stock and dump them

yet plenty of people subscribe to that

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:55

Nobody has likened the Lover's Guide to child porn.

Engage with the arguments we are making not the ones you want to pretend we're making

AyeRobot · 18/04/2011 20:56

Plop, Linda Boreman wrote in her autobiography that her husband held an M-16 rifle to her head and forced her to do porn. I think that's rape.

flamingoagogo, no you are not being unreasonable to feel hurt. I'm sorry he has done this, especially when you are pregnant. Maybe you can start a new thread to get support and let the argument rage on here?

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:56

HerBEggs - here love!

Malificence Mon 18-Apr-11 20:45:19
Talk about denial! The women who are ok with porn use always say that their partner would never use morally dubious porn hmm

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:57

Quite often the porn actresses are told during the scene, that they have to submit to something they hadn't thought they were going to do.

They are told that they will be sued because they signed a contract. Tehy are told they won't work again.

That's coercion at the very least.

You happy wanking off to women who have been exploited in that way?

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 20:58

Engage with the arguments we are making not the ones you want to pretend we're making

You do realise HerBEggs that you are making the same statement over and over?

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:58

Plop love where does Malificence mention the Lover's Guide?

She doesn't does she?

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:59

Well yes I do plop, that's because you're doing the same thing over and over - pretending that those of us who are anti porn, are making arguments we haven't made.

I'll keep saying it if you keep doing it

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 21:00

HerBEggs - I never said they did?!?!?!?!?! Try to c-o-n-c-e-n-t-r-a-t-e!

PeterSpanswick · 18/04/2011 21:01

I will try to give a useful example of why this kind of thing disturbs me so much and how I explained it to my partner before we got married.

My DH is a builder, spends all day in a masculine environment with other men and is a typical "man's man". I have long hair, a slim figure, large chest e.t.c., and fit a general stereotype. When we first met I know he made a lot out of my appearance to his friends, would show them my picture e.t.c. and yes, probably made intimatations about our sex life. (He wasn't terribly mature). However, as soon as we became serious, married, had children e.t.c. his attitude changed. I am not a woman he would like to be discussed explicitly amongst his friends, nor a woman he would like to watch being gangbanged on video, I am his wife and mother of his children. I am human to him and he knows my family, friends, colleagues, the people who care about and respect me. The women in porn are not full human beings to the men watching them. If they had to work with these women or go home to them at night, they would not take pleasure in watching them behave this way. They would feel guilt. That says a lot IMO.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 21:02

pretending that those of us who are anti porn, are making arguments we haven't made.

I've already reposted that message for you once.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 21:02

So what point were you making when you quoted Malificence?

Malificence · 18/04/2011 21:03

By morally dubious porn, I'm not talking about illegal stuff ( I haven't even mentioned child porn etc. in any of my posts) I'm refering to the fairly "mainstream" like airtight/double anal/bukkake/spit roasting/similar overtly degrading material.
You tend to get women who defend their man's porn use saying things like, "my DH only watches normal porn, he would never watch anything like that".
They also never say their partner uses porn, it's always "watches" , quite ironic really.