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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about OH looking at porn??

342 replies

flamingoagogo · 18/04/2011 17:21

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

OP posts:
PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 19:53

Wow, so photographers are evil and are all men?

MillyR · 18/04/2011 19:53

Well actually it isn't globally breaking news. The amount of porn consumed varies hugely between different countries with the same level of internet access available. Porn use is much more common in the UK and the US than in Scandinavian countries, despite (or maybe because) Scandinavian countries having liberal attitudes to sex.

So it isn't some innate desire all men have to view pornography. It is a cultural issue that has taken hold in the UK.

There was a thread on MN a while back about how people had come to view porn for the first time, and a lot of the people were saying they had seen it because their father had it in the house. That would be one of my major concerns if I was the OP. How well is he going to conceal his porn habit from his children in the future?

PoppyDoolally · 18/04/2011 19:55

you can't help feeling the way ypu do.

i, on other hand, don't mind so long as no animals or other sick stuff IYKWIM. keeps the pressur off my 12 week postpartum fanjo Wink

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 19:55

PlopPlopPing

Why not, surely it's better for the environment, a green revolution in so many ways Grin

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 19:55

NEWSFLASH whatever your take on child porn there is a huge demand for it globally BREAKING NEWS you aint going to get peadophiles to stop banging off to it!!!!!!!!!!

D'you see what a crap argument that is?

MamaMary · 18/04/2011 19:58

Porn is NOT harmless. In my opinion, there is nothing positive to be said about porn. Countless threads on MN have been started by women suffering bc their partners/ DH are consuming porn. It is degrading to women and it harms relationships.

jojowest · 18/04/2011 19:58

has anyone been to the sexshops in amsterdam

now they really do have things that make your eyes water and your jaw drop lol

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 19:59

And I wonder how many men get off to "barely legal" "just outa school" Porn shapes the users brain to go in search of more hardcore material.

Why do we now have so much pornography using children out there on the web. Chicken and egg, supply and demand and don't be fooled that it's a few weedy little men.

PeterSpanswick · 18/04/2011 20:02

And those women are so enlightened and powerful and in control of their own lives. I might start singing the Charlie's Angels theme tune to them now!

michelle2011 · 18/04/2011 20:04

MillyR more men in the uk look at porn? who says?

"no sex please im british"

"i'd rather have a cup of tea than have sex"

the brits are renowned for being prudes and shy about sex (talking about it). perhaps this is why. frankly i dont care what men get up to in their own private moments

if you have a partner who looks at porn and you dont like it then you have to educate yourself about the male species. they are visual animals, they have different brains and porn has nothing to do with sex or emotion. like i said earlier its an outlay (fantasy or a quick wank even), perhaps one which he doesnt want with you

and lets be honest ladies, after a few years together, few kids how many of you are having regular, exciting sex??? does get a bit difficult with three kids under five doesnt it!!! does the women miss it ... maybe she would rather catch up on her sleep ... the man ... well we all know what men are like ... doesnt take much to get them excited now does it

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 20:04

I have been to Amsterdam, I was so stoned I said to my friend "why is the road flooded?"

"because it's the canal"

I did look in some of the shops, at 20 I thought it was all a bit of a giggle.

I disagree though, stuff out there on the web, some of it is far more extreme.

As others have said it's not the 80's anymore or the 70's complete with elavator music. You have to ask yourself to what end is it that pormography is becoming more extreme, with more violence directed at and abuse of women.

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 20:06

Must check before posting!

michelle2011 · 18/04/2011 20:07

HerBEggs porn is not illegal, do you see what a crap argument linking porn with peadaphillia. next you will be say all gay people are kiddy fiddlers, utter nonsense

put a man in front of a porn movie and see him get excited downstairs ANY MAN

PeterSpanswick · 18/04/2011 20:07

Men have different brains and women would rather sleep than have sex? Have I wandered in on an alternative universe?

Malificence · 18/04/2011 20:08

Every cliche in the book Michelle, well done.

MillyR · 18/04/2011 20:08

Michelle, in one of the many previous threads about women who were upset about their partner's porn use, somebody posted a link to a website which had all the stats on it about international use of porn - who was using it, what they were watching, how it differed between countries. If you search MN you should be able to find it.

There isn't such a thing as the male species.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 18/04/2011 20:10

men aren't another species.
they're not animals, they are people, just like us.
this idea that they are helpless little creatures completely subject to their sexual drives is very man-hating.
Do you hate and despise men Michelle?

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 20:12

Michele,

Your argument rests on men being hapless individuals who have very little self control and that they are visual creatures.

Men have been shown to be very good at reading maps and parking cars because they have stronger visual spatial skills. Thats all, not more stimulated by visual stimuli. Anyhow I do maths, I'm a visual spatial and I can read maps, navigate through mazes and parrallel park. I can also choose not to support the making of pornography where this may mean the exploitation of other women, children and chickens.

Self control, men have it too if they choose to exercise it.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 20:12

"put a man in front of a porn movie and see him get excited downstairs - ANY MAN"

What are you , twelve? Hmm

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 20:14

Quite Malificence, thats why I asked her age earlier.

michelle2011 · 18/04/2011 20:15

hhahahahahaha yeah im really going to spend time looking for some dumb stat report. ladies enjoy going round in circles putting the world to rights with your pointless responses. meanwhile hubby is in another room surriptiously banging off to amy with the big bazookas

hahahahahahahahahahhahahaha

Malificence · 18/04/2011 20:15

Funny how she won't answer.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 20:19

Wow Michelle you sound like a real man hater.

Also you obviously haven't understood the point of my post where I transposed the word porn for kiddie porn.

The point was, that just because people want something, it doesn't make it right.

HTH.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 20:19

Do you actually expect people to take you seriously with immature and facile statements like that? Pathetic. Hmm

Actually, my ( non porn using) DH is sat right here watching Gadget show and playing CSI on Facebook.

MillyR · 18/04/2011 20:20

I'm really interested in the idea that there are always a couple of women (not the same ones each time!) who will come on these threads and defend porn by making out that every man watches it.

I'm not sure why there is a psychological need to believe that. I don't know if it is a general issue of people being fearful of anyone who isn't exactly like them, or merely how they manage to accept their own partner's porn use.

Do they feel that the only way it is possible to have a heterosexual relationship is by having one with a porn user? And that if they didn't accept it no man would want them? Why do they feel the need to make other women they don't have a choice? Is it that deeply ingrained?