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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about OH looking at porn??

342 replies

flamingoagogo · 18/04/2011 17:21

Caught him out the other night, its not the first time either. Have been v.pissed off each time & always results in a row, but just so happens i am PG atm so feels worse. I hate the thought of it, like he's cheating (i know its not as bad as that but he is kind of 'being intimate' with another woman, even if shes not really real). Makes me feel inadequate etc etc. AIBU to feel so hurt?

OP posts:
PeterSpanswick · 18/04/2011 19:01

I have urges and sometimes I need a "dirty outlay" but none of the more traditional female equivalents, vibrator, erotic literature e.t.c. involve a strange man degrading himself for my pleasure. My partner wouldn't feel insulted and hurt by my doing either of these things. And them's the breaks, I'm afraid.

TidyDancer · 18/04/2011 19:01

Can't say this would bother me in the slightest. Only way it would, was if DP left the porn in reach/sight of the DC.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 19:01

Michelle, men don't need porn at all Hmm , I'm sure a blind man is able to masturbate just fine.
People always seem to suggest that the issue is really about women wanting to control/stop men masturbating, it's not about that at all.
Porn does more harm than good, if the hundreds, if not thousands, of posts on MN are anything to go by.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 19:02

Yawn's a really good argument.

For those who think that women in porn are there because they want to be:

Kacey Jordan

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 19:03

LOL at men needing porn.

What do people think men did for millions of years before the porn industry existed?

jenny60 · 18/04/2011 19:03

YANBU and you shouldn't be the one who has been made to feel inadequate. Men who like to look at women being degraded are inadequate.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 19:04

Bully for you tidydancer.
Would you like it if people thought you were silly for being upset about something that caused you great pain because it "didn't bother them"?

worraliberty · 18/04/2011 19:06

To all the people saying he shouldn't watch porn in private because the OP doesn't like it...do you all immediately stop doing things that your DP's don't like? Shock

He's an adult and if he wants to view it in private then he should be able to do just that.

It's not like he was dangling it in front of the OP's nose or forcing her to watch it too.

PlopPlopPing · 18/04/2011 19:07

Porn doesn't bother me at all. Its just images.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 19:08

Jesus, that girl Kacey looks just like my DD's best friend in that photo of the porn DVD. Sad

michelle2011 · 18/04/2011 19:08

Malificence where did i say men need porn, i said men need a dirty outlay and porn fits that crieria. women dont need chocolate do they? well a diabetic wouldnt. And women are adults too you know if a grown women wants to enter the industry then thats up to her.

youre not all sitting there in your twin set and pearls are you horrified ahhh gasp its a penis!!! hes touching it and looking at those big boobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the shame!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahha

michelle2011 · 18/04/2011 19:09

worraliberty exactly private

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 18/04/2011 19:09

but how did the images get there PlopPlopPing? they're not animations or animatronics puppets (obviously) - there are real people involved.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 19:11

Don't be stupid of course it's not just images. There are real women, on screen, being abused.

As for the idiotic twinset and pearls we don't like cocks reference - that's just very very stupid. Porn and sex are not the same thing and anyone who thinks they are, has had their sexuality (not to mention their brains) hijacked by the pornograpy industry.

queenbathsheba · 18/04/2011 19:12

BerBEeggs they painted pictues on the walls of their caves. I wonder what the women folk thought?

But then women were possibly more enlightened even then. And porn isn't about masturbating is it. It's a feable excuse to say men need it.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 19:13

Yes, just images, images of young women being degraded for mens' pleasure.

Those of you that it wouldn't bother, how would you honestly feel if your husband's prefered viewing had titles like "18 and abused", "young slut throat fucked till she pukes", Watch Kacey, 18, in anal gang bang" , "Drunk teens fucked unconcious" ? You would be totally ok with that?

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 18/04/2011 19:14

you're missing the point Michelle. It's not about shame, it's about exploitation.

consenting adults doing something they both want to do and neither has been coerced or pressurised or is doing it as a result of being on drugs or having been abused - fine. An industry which exploits the drug addicts, the victims of childhood abuse, which tricks and coerces vulnerable people - that is something we should not be supporting.

I wouldn't look down on a woman who told me she was a porn actress. I would look down on a man who didn't give enough of a shit what happened to those women, to be happy to use porn without being certain about its provenance.
And I would definitely not think much of a man who used it despite it upsetting his partner.

PeterSpanswick · 18/04/2011 19:15

Where is my dirty outlay? I DEMAND one to satisfy my womanly needs! Women are apparently not visual like men (we are different species don't you know?) so porn is no use to me. Can I then have sex with somebody else as long as I do it in private? If DH objects then surely he is just denying my sexuality. After all, I am an adult and don't need to listen to him. We are only equal partners in a marriage.

michelle2011 · 18/04/2011 19:15

yes real people being forced all of them yeah right sigh! will leave you too it ladies enjoy yourselves

and you dont like cock references what .... ever?? haha get a sense of humour ... HerBEggs i can imagine you saying that in a school matron voice hahahaha

anyhow things do

Malificence · 18/04/2011 19:15

You got me Michelle, I'm a frigid prude who hates sex. Wink

jojowest · 18/04/2011 19:17

Yes, just images, images of young women being degraded for mens' pleasure.

what about the women who enjoy porn?

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 19:20

michelle you are incoherent.

Your cock reference was just not very clever that's all. You've bought into the stupid argument that anyone who is politically anti-porn, must necessarily be anti-sex and not like the mention of cocks.

Are you actually reading the posts properly or just imposing your idea of what women who don't agree with porn think, on our posts?

I've got no objection to cocks or cock references in the right place. I'm just trying to draw to the attention of anyone who thinks that porn and sex are the same thing, that they are not. Sex is much much nicer than porn and more fun. And if it's good, less exploitative as well.
HTH.

TidyDancer · 18/04/2011 19:20

Oh FFS Malificence. I said it wouldn't bother me, I didn't say the OP was silly, just that it wouldn't bother me. Stop distorting my comments for your own agenda.

Malificence · 18/04/2011 19:21

I would hope they (men and women) have enough integrity to source non-coercive, ethically made porn, rather than clicking on redtube and it's ilk, like unthinking sheep.

HerBEggs · 18/04/2011 19:21

jojowest the women who enjoy porn have had their sexuality shaped by our culture and the porn industry within our culture.

The more you learn about porn, the less you enjoy it whether you are a man or a woman, because you are unable to divorce the knowledge of the exploitation of that industry, from the sexual manipulation of the images.