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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 11:34

Its not exactly the most peaceful experience, listening to crying baby when out for a meal - you cant stop people complaning - they are not in love with the baby like you are!

LaWeasel · 13/04/2011 11:34

I don't think that's awful.

If you were taking it in turns to soothe the baby, why couldn't you have taken it in turns to take baby outside for a walk. (Change of air temperature can be quiet a good trick.)

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/04/2011 11:35

What did they actually say to you? If it was because of the crying then I guess it might get on people's nerves, although personally it wouldn't bother me. But if it was because you were feeding him then that's not on. Was the other customer suggesting you should feed ds in the toilets? Shock

Bucharest · 13/04/2011 11:35

If you were asked to leave because of breastfeeding then YANBU and should complain to the management/head office.

Not sure if it was because of this, or because the baby was disturbing other customers. Your OP doesn't make it clear.

I wouldn't have complained about a screeching newborn, but I have to say I would have been a bit rolly-eyed and "why don't they just take the poor little bugger home and put him to bed".

I think, whilst, obviously, newborns cry (a lot) we do have to remember that for biological reasons, it's only those of us with bloodties to said newborn that think it's OK. I wouldn't want to inflict my dd's scrawching on anyone tbh.

TheSmallClanger · 13/04/2011 11:36

They weren't BU. Crying babies aren't nice to listen to. They didn't ask you to leave, either.

compo · 13/04/2011 11:36

Yes it's not much fun eating dinner with a six seeker 'crying on and off ' sorry

TattyDevine · 13/04/2011 11:36

If the crying was prolonged, yes, I dont think it is unreasonable to take the baby out or decide its not working for you that night and go home.

If its a couple of minutes here or there of grizzling that is being dealt with effectively, then its a bit oversensitive. It sounds as if it was more prolonged than that, though.

6 week old babies are not great during the "witching hour". Perhaps next time you could consider going to lunch until the baby is a bit older and more predictable?

The other patrons were paying for their dinner too, and its only fair to expect a certain amount of peace and quiet and an ability to have a conversation over their dinner, etc.

Sorry but YABU

charitygirl · 13/04/2011 11:36

Well I wouldn't have complained, annoying as a crying baby can be. That's because I'm not a dick.

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 11:37

Your OP seems clear to me - it was nothing to do with the breastfeeding and everything to do with the crying!

Toughasoldboots · 13/04/2011 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diabolo · 13/04/2011 11:38

Mine used to cry whenever we tried to eat out, so I stopped taking him.

I couldn't enjoy a meal while he was crying and it must have been awful for the other diners.

Sorry.

Whatevs · 13/04/2011 11:38

I understand that not everyone wants to hear a baby crying when they are out for a meal, but I think those diners acted in a cowardly and mean spirited manner. Especially considering your baby is newborn, not an unruly 2 yr old having a tantrum. What were you supposed to do to stop the crying? Sad.

Having said that, I think maybe if a baby is very fractious it probably isa good idea for one of you to pop outside with him for a bit and take him for a bit of a spin to send him off to sleep. Wouldn't have been too much trouble. It's important to be aware that not everyone loves babies and children, I think.

ScarlettWalking · 13/04/2011 11:38

Why didn't one of you take the baby outside for a little walk if he was crying?

Sounds like it was bloody loud if someone complained and you were asked to leave, not on to create that much disturbance. If you were BF at the time that is another matter and you should not be asked to leave to simply feed your child. But a constantly crying baby in a restaurant at dinner - why would you do it?

HappyMummyOfOne · 13/04/2011 11:39

YABU, other people must have been pretty mad to go out for a meal and then have to listen to a baby cry all evening. It was fair enough of the restaurant to ask you to quiten the baby or pop outside to sooth him. It appears to have nothing to do with the breastfeeding.

violethill · 13/04/2011 11:39

I don't think its disgraceful. Other customers have a right to enjoy a meal without screaming babies around them. It sounds as though this was the issue, not bf. Babies can make a hell of a racket, and sometimes at a pitch which is really quite unpleasant, and as changing2011 says, no one else is going to be enamoured of your baby like you are

twolittlemonkeys · 13/04/2011 11:39

I'd be upset in your shoes but I suppose it's difficult to tell how much of a disturbance your baby was making. On the whole I don't mind crying babies in restaurants but when you finally get the chance to go out for a meal without children it's really nice to be able to enjoy it in peace without screaming infants. I rarely take my children (now 3 and 5) out to eat a) because we can't afford it that often and b) because I am well aware that however endearing my children are to me, if they are ruining someone else's evening it's not very fair. Mind you we did go out when DS1 was a baby but he mostly slept or I BFed him whilst eating to keep him quiet.

On the whole though YANBU - I'd be upset too, especially as only 6 weeks after giving birth your hormones make everything seem worse than it really is!

GemmaPomPom · 13/04/2011 11:40

Sorry to say this, but bf'ing at the dinner table in a restaurant and not taking your DC outside when it cries are not on, I'm afraid.

everyspring · 13/04/2011 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 11:40

I was shopping the other day and there was a baby really crying, to the point of being sick, absolutely purple in the face. There was a long queue for the till and I saw nothing but sympathetic faces for the mum who was doing all she could to comfort him whilst single handedly trying to load the conveyor and push a double buggy through checkout. I dont think people in that scenario are mean, we have all been there.

But a meal out at 6pm for most people is chill time and their idea of relaxing may not include your crying baby. You are understandably indignant because you were doing all you could to comfort your baby so I can see your side as well.

Morloth · 13/04/2011 11:40

Sometimes you just have to bail on stuff when you have a baby.

Kids/babies making noise and the occassional cry is fine, but not 'on and off' for the whole dinner.

We have done the tag team thing where one of us takes crying baby outside when necessary. It is a PITA, but he is our PITA.

TheSmallClanger · 13/04/2011 11:40

Charitygirl, wanting to enjoy a restaurant meal in peace does not make anyone a "dick". It's not like they threatened the OP.

everyspring · 13/04/2011 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

discobeaver · 13/04/2011 11:41

I would grumble to myself as well, I don't think if you go go out for an evening meal it's really ok to have to listen to a crying baby. Ok for a bit but obviously it upset the customers enough to complain.
So sorry, I don't think it's disgraceful. But you should be able to bf, no- one should complain about that.

gorionine · 13/04/2011 11:41

If unable to calm my baby after a couple of minutes, I would have taken him/her outside without being asked TBH.

ON the BF issue though, if customers at another table are nosey enough to notice that you are nursing your baby and are offended by it, it is their problem, not yours! To people (once only) who dared making a similar to "their dgc to the ladies in such situations." comment to me, my answer was to ask them to go and have their meal in the toilet and see if they enjoyed it!

AxisofEvil · 13/04/2011 11:42

YABU