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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 13/04/2011 13:07

That was me Hammy02 who mentioned complaining about a loud drunk.

My point being in lots of restaurants of an evening, there are loud groups and my guess is more people would tolerate loud, braying drunks than they would a baby crying. But which is noisier? It seems that some noise is ok but not others!

For what it's worth, I would not let my baby cry like that, but I wouldn't be that bothered about it either.

Now, screaming toddlers .....

Grin
Blu · 13/04/2011 13:07

40Weeks, really sorry you had such an upsetting experience, and it all went wrong.

Unfortunately, I think it is reasonable, and pretty usual practice, to take a crying baby out of a restaurant in the evening if it is crying persistently.

Other people find crying babies very intrusive - of course the cry of a newborn is meant to be attention-stealing, it's their survival mechanism!

Breastfeeding is OK anywhere, of course - it's a shame your baby wasn't up fo being comforted and settled last night. I speak with many disrupted meals behind me - it's very tricky until they are 'settled'.

In a few months you may well find that he will sleep peacefully in his buggy from a certain time onwards in the evening which will give you an opportunity to go out uninterrupted. Meanwhile, expect to do a bit of strolling up and down the pavement outside if he won't settle.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 13/04/2011 13:08

YABU It's an adult environment, and it's horrible listening to anyone's baby crying when you're paying good money for a nice evening out. I never bring my DC to adult restaurants after lunchtime. I just don't think it's dignified.

violethill · 13/04/2011 13:08

Agree Hammy. Many people would complain about drunken noisy customers, or people swearing, or young groups of people shrieking excessively or babies or young children screaming or crying and not being taken out.

All of the above are unacceptable noise, and can spoil other people's evening out.

Nothing to do with 'British attitudes towards families'; everything to do with respect for others.

And FWIW, anyone who complains about the UK not being family friendly - bollocks. There are numerous types of family friendly places, for eating out, for days out.... it is totally normal to see high chairs in various establishments these days, and kids' menus no longer consist of fishfingers and chips - it's totally normal to see smaller portions of adult meals, or healthy lunchbox type options. Think back to how it was 20 or 30 years ago - there wasn't half the family friendlyness that there is now.

The problem is, some people seem to be confusing 'family friendly' with 'the right to do as I damn well please and inflict my children's noise on everyone else'

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 13:09

Is it legal to place a notice on the dor of the restaurant - no new born abbies or children under the age of..these days?

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 13:10

door

YouaretooniceNOT · 13/04/2011 13:10

babies ooh gosh - sorry peeps

exhausted2011 · 13/04/2011 13:11

OP, you are not being unreasonable to be upset.
I would have been very upset
It was obviously a bit distressing for you at the time, and you probably are a bit sensitive, cos it's seems like a slight against your precious little baby
FWIW, I think the posts on here are really harsh
Yes, maybe you could have gone outside, but I would never think about complaining about a baby crying in a family restaurant at 6pm.

Summerbird73 · 13/04/2011 13:11

gemma in the brief 3 week period i BF'd DS; my dad saw more of my baps than is considered decent. he is an old fashioned chap but got over the initial Blush you and your dad need a stern talking to!

OP - i agree with the majority - being a mother of a 2yo - my heart sinks when i get a rare evening out with DH and find i am sharing my meal with screaming babies. and 6pm is too late to be out with a newborn - DS was getting ready for bed at that age.

Lollypolly · 13/04/2011 13:11

Nothing worse than paying for a babysitter for a very occasional night out and eating your meal next to a crying baby. Very annoying. Sorry but I would have said something once the volume / duration reached a certain level.

dearyme · 13/04/2011 13:12

the Me Myself and I brigade

you could say the OP belonged in this category, couldnt give a flying duck who was upset by the baby's bawling as long as she got her dinner

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 13:13

OP you might have been less upset if you had stayed at home and put your feet up! I feel you have overreacted slightly.

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 13:13

LOL at flying duck.

chicletteeth · 13/04/2011 13:13

Just a quick question here, what kind of environment are people used to when eating out then?

I just don't believe that the crying noise of a 6-week is that loud; that said I wasn't there!

I expect it to be noisey, but then I rarely go to places other than Pizza Express or the Harvester with my kids and it's LOUD in both of these all the time!

Summerbird73 · 13/04/2011 13:14

and the volume must have reached a certain level for customers to complain

dearyme · 13/04/2011 13:15

if the bawling baby is on a table three feet away from you, its bound to be loud and uncomfortable

tbh i am glad i no longer have to go to these places and can do something a bit more grown up :)

chicletteeth · 13/04/2011 13:19

'Tis true Summerbird73 if they were reasonable people.

I was once in a soft-play type place for lunch with my first DC (who was 4 weeks old give or take) and my SD who was playing.

It was quite empty!

An old couple came in and orderd some lunch and a couple of pints, and then the old man proceeded to tell a lady off because her toddler was having a mini-melt down about ketchup and chips or lack thereof.

I was Shock at his aggressiveness towards the parents and the little boy. It was not at all reasonable and actually quite out of order!

My thoughts were, soft-play place, you want peace, why come here?

Not saying that the people in the OP's restaurant did this, seems they did not, but I don't make the assumption that all others are reasonable when complaints about children are made!

crunchbag · 13/04/2011 13:19

YABU
Someone complained so the manageress had to follow it up and I think she handled it very well. She didn't ask you to leave, she just made a suggestion to take him outside for a bit.

You said you all took it in turns to soothen the baby, did this involve walking up and down the restaurant, because that would annoy me more than the actual crying.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 13/04/2011 13:19

"The problem is, some people seem to be confusing 'family friendly' with 'the right to do as I damn well please and inflict my children's noise on everyone else'"

Agreed. As a country, we are INCREDIBLY kiddie-orientated compared with others, and compared with the past. Nowadays some people seem to expect every public place to be a big safe playground just for them and the kiddywinkies. My DC comes out a lot, but he knows that some places are just for grown ups at the moment.

bemybebe · 13/04/2011 13:20

You can bf your baby anywhere it is comfortable for you and her, however, if the baby is persistently crying I think YABU not to cut your dinner short and sort it out so she is comfortable. For your baby's if not for the other customers' sake.

bemybebe · 13/04/2011 13:22

BTW, your post title is very manipulative.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2011 13:28

It's not just you, OP, there are a large segment of the UK's population that are not interested in anybody else's babies, DDs/DSs, any other family members or whatever reason it is that has brought somebody to a restaurant or wherever they are.

They just want to do their own thing with their own people and they don't want their space, time or enjoyment encroached on by anybody else.

Crying baby noise is like nails on a blackboard to me... I might be sympathetic to you but only if you do the decent thing and take the baby out, I don't want to hear it. I would do the same with my own babies, I think most people would. I personally wouldn't take a baby of less than 6 months to a restaurant but then again if it were a fussy, screechy baby, I'd wait longer if necessary because it's easier to pacify them at home in comfort in their own surroundings, I find.

Don't take it to heart but remember it for next time. :)

Vallhala · 13/04/2011 13:31

YABU. Your baby is the centre of your world, not everybody else's and no-one else should have to be subjected to the noise whilst they were in a restaurant. They didn't go there for that nor did they go there in anticipation that someone would disturb their peaceful enjoyment of a meal with a crying baby. They might have if they'd decided to eat in a children's playground or soft play area, but not in a restaurant.

jeckadeck · 13/04/2011 13:34

It depends on whether they were offended by the breastfeeding or the crying. If its the BF then they are uptight w***s and you should complain to head office or say you'll go to the papers with it. If its crying, I'm afraid I do think YAB a tad U. I really don't understand why people take newborns out to adult situations and then get irritated when other people complain. I'm a new mother but I would complain if someone had a wailing baby in a restaurant and didn't take steps to calm it. If you think that your right to take your child anywhere and everywhere, regardless of how appropriate it is, trumps the right of others to have a stress-free evening it suggests you have a lack of empathy for others. There are some situations which are better child free, and a restaurant - unless its an explicitly child-friendly one or your children are reliably well behaved - is one of them.

springlambkin · 13/04/2011 13:39

I think YWBU, althought I wouldn't have complained myself.

I've always, always taken my DC out in this situation - it makes me really uncomfortable. I think it also makes it harder to settle the baby because you are stressed yourself about bothering other people (although maybe you weren't if you think they were wrong to be bothered by it?)

My toddler fell over in Tesco yesterday and landed really hard on her face and I got filthy looks off people because she was sreaming. She was screaming in pain ffs and only for about two minutes. We still made a hasty exit!