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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:

frantic51 · 14/04/2011 02:25

Diggs

Diggs · 14/04/2011 02:35

Scrap that , ive had a rethink . The lockers like what they have at the swimming baths would be big enough for very small babies , bet you could get a few in each one . The asda type ones could be reserved for annoying older children and mils .

missslc · 14/04/2011 02:35

Good on you for B feeding at the table. The more people do this the more people will have issues with seeing mothers simply feed their baby...gemma....what matters more a baby being fed or the comfort of people who need to take responsibility for their own issues with seeing someone b feed?Look away if you feel uncomfortable. There are many things that potentially make people feel uncomfortable but part of being a developed human is being tolerant and learning to manage your little neurosies....and I do think it neurotic to have a reaction to a mother feeding a baby.

I understand people complaining on the crying front-you are sharing a space so out of respect I would just walk the baby outside as I would feel uncomfortable seeing all the peed off faces around me.I do not expect people to be tolerant of my crying baby if I can find a way to remove him from a space we find ourselves in.

missslc · 14/04/2011 02:36

typo

the more people will get over their issues with b feeding. Gemma people doing what you used to do just perpetuates this bizarre reaction that a small number of people seem to have.Expose them to it I say.Exposure therapy is very effective apparently.

frantic51 · 14/04/2011 02:38

Roseflower re-read your post and mine and decided I was hasty. Apologies for the "whiney and selfish" comment. Didn't mean it to come out quite so nasty"

frantic51 · 14/04/2011 02:40

Diggs lockers for MILs!! PMSL Good idea!!!

Roseflower · 14/04/2011 02:47

No worries Frantic51. Its quite hard to get your tone across in writing anyway!

frantic51 · 14/04/2011 02:49

Roseflower gracious as always. Thank you.

differentnameforthis · 14/04/2011 04:52

GemmaPomPom Is is OK to give a baby a bottle at a table in a restaurant?

AngelsOnHigh · 14/04/2011 07:12

The OP has already said that BF wasn't an issue as she was facing away from other customers. Why does everyone always zero in on the BF/FF issue?

Must admit I was having lunch today. Beautiful sunshine, sitting at a nice table by myself reading my book.

The constant screaming of a (sounded like newborn) baby ws driving me nuts. I didn't complain but it sure did spoil my lunch.

Went on for about 15 minutes and was still going on when I left.

exoticfruits · 14/04/2011 07:46

I think that it all goes to show why we are not a child loving nation when parents have such a sense of entitlement. Having a DC means that you have to put yourself out a little and make an effort-not just say the baby is crying and you must all put up with it!

Casserole · 14/04/2011 10:53

All the posts saying "Go easy, she's post partum" are really pissing me off.

I have a 2yo and a three week old. If we went out to eat and either of them kicked off, I would consider it my responsibility to sort them out. I'd feel very conscious of not disturbing other diners and I would be MORTIFIED if I had let it get to the point where people had had to complain about us and the restaurant had had to come over.

Your ability to show respect for others doesn't stop just cos you've had a new baby, and I resent the implication that it does.

IHateLivingHere · 14/04/2011 11:05

I know this is not a thread about bf in public, but I have a question...

Why do mums bf in a place like a restaurant, instead of feeding expressed breast milk from a bottle? I'm not for or against doing it in public, but did share a table with my friend who bf her baby at the table and I was horrified (on her behalf) when her milky nipple was on show to not only me, but others at the next tables as well!!

I never asked her and assumed she didn't care, but not all bf mums can feel like this, surely?

Don't want to start another bf/ff fight, but thought that bf mums expressed milk anyway. Or am I wrong?

JuicyOlive · 14/04/2011 11:16

"Don't want to start another bf/ff fight, but thought that bf mums expressed milk anyway."

But you are starting another fight by stating how you were horrified at her milky nipple on show. BTW, I was never very good at expressing anyway, and if I didn't feed regularly my boobs would get very uncomfortable. It's also possible to feed fairly discreetly but in any case, what's wrong with a bit of nipplage.

frantic51 · 14/04/2011 11:19

Who wants to faff about with sterilising bottles, using pumps, carrying unnecessary paraphernalia around when you've got a perfectly natural, sterile, convenient way of feeding your baby are attached to your chest and you have to take them with you anyway?!

Get real, I'm less offended by the accidental glimpse of a milky nipple than I am by page three of several popular publications, and so should all decent, right minded folk be!

And why did you see it anyway? IME you would have to be looking pretty hard to "see" anything specific anyway!!

LetThereBeRock · 14/04/2011 11:19

Because there's absolutely nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public.Not all babies take bottles,not all mothers want to feed their babies from bottles,and expressing milk isn't easy for many mothers. Besides why go to the trouble of expressing milk,sterilising the bottle, and remembering to pack the bottle when they could just latch the baby on.

And your friend's 'milky nipple' must have been exposed for a few seconds at most if she was breastfeeding her baby. I don't see why women should feel obliged to use a bottle when they and their baby would rather breastfeed, because it makes some prudes people feel more comfortable.

I've seen far more flesh on the cover of many mainstream magazines than I've ever seen when I've been in the presence of a breastfeeding mother.

GeekCool · 14/04/2011 11:20

Not all BF babies will take to a bottle though will they?

These are boobs, we see them everywhere these days, why should someone have to remove themselves to a bathroom to feed a baby or use a bottle to placate someone else?

LetThereBeRock · 14/04/2011 11:22

Here's a novel idea. If the tiny area of flesh exposed,if there's even that much,when a mother is breastfeeding,offends you, look away.

YouaretooniceNOT · 14/04/2011 11:30

BF - again - wow

do what you like Mother's

scottishmummy · 14/04/2011 11:51

isnt a bf topic,and gleaning word bf from op doesn't make it so either

IHateLivingHere · 14/04/2011 11:52

Hang on! I never said it 'offended' me - I said I was horrified on her behalf, because it was on show - and not for a milli-second!

I said I don't care either way. She's my best friend and I was fine with it!

It was the stares from the people on the surrounding tables I was on about! I wanted to reach over and cover it up for her, to stop them looking!

That was all.

YouaretooniceNOT · 14/04/2011 12:02

feel better now scottishmummy? [doughnut]

pingu2209 · 14/04/2011 12:07

BF at the table is totally fine - to do it in a loo is discusting!

If I went out for a meal and there was a baby crying for a prolonged period (ie over 5 mins) or on an off over a prolonged period, I would be really pissed off.

I would feel the same way about parents who think it is acceptable to let their children run around a restaurant once they had finished eating but the parents were still eating.

We went to Pizza Express and the parents were still eating their food but their dc had finished eating - they let their dc run around the restaurant because "it is too much to expect a 3 year old to sit at a table for over an hour". I know it was only Pizza Express but nobody wants a child running around the table and chairs when they want to relax.

LetThereBeRock · 14/04/2011 12:13

Your post regarding the bottles did seem to suggest that you feel the onus is on the breastfeeding mother to make people feel comfortable,by using bottles instead,and not on the prudes who are staring in apparent disgust,to avert their eyes.

thebody · 14/04/2011 12:23

bf is fine, done it myself in restaurants.. crying baby for prolonged time then no. i would have left or taken baby outside... thats the deal with parenting, sometimes the kids get in the way of your life.. personally it would have got on my nerves...suprised that you didnt leave really..

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