Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 24 25

Original poster

To be upset that a restaurant asked me to take my crying baby out ofthe restaurant

606 replies

40Weeks · 13/04/2011 11:32

went for a meal yesterday eve at a local Zizzi's restaurant. Ds3 is 6 weeks and was a bit restless, crying on and off. The restaurant was quiet as it was 6pm and was there with dcs (mine and dsis) kids had eaten most of their meal and we had not long started ours (ordered it a bit later than the kids meals) and were taking it in turns to soothe him and dmum and dbil were there too. Apparently some customers complained about his crying so the manageress came and asked us to quieten him down or take him outside!

Aibu to think this is disgraceful?

I had breadtfed him but was facing away from other customers so don't think it was because of this. The complaining customers said that their daughter took their dgc to the ladies in such situations. Nice.

I am still reeling from this and not sure if I am bent oversensitive or if it's really weird to be offended by a baby, crying or not!

OP posts:

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 11:55

I wouldnt personally feel comfortable bf at a table in a restaurant, but I would if it shut the baby up

However if FIL was there - no chance! He would come across all unnecessary

gorionine · 13/04/2011 11:55

EvenLessNarkyPuffin, agreed!

atswimtwolengths · 13/04/2011 11:55

OP, think about what you were like ten years ago, or before you became broody/pregnant.

Did you go for a meal hoping for the chance of a nice quiet conversation? Or did you hope to hear the sound of babies wailing?

What if ten other diners had had their babies with them, all crying? Would the other diners be unreasonable if they didn't like it?

I don't want to hear babies crying when I'm eating a meal I've paid for. It's hard to focus on a conversation with that background noise. I would feel sorry for you, but unless it was pouring with rain, I'd expect you to go outside with the baby until he/she was quiet.

GemmaPomPom · 13/04/2011 11:55

We always took bottles of expressed milk to restaurants. If I needed to feed my baby, I would ask the waiter/ress if there is somewhere I could do so in private.

I hate the attitude of "I will feed my baby where I damn well please. Bollocks to everyone else". Consideration needs to come from both parties. This is also the reason why I never bf'd in front of my Dad. He was obviously very uncomfortable with it and I didn't want to upset him.

WoTmania · 13/04/2011 11:56

I'm all for taking babies with you when at restaurants etc and have done myself but i always took the baby out if they were really crying because I don't feel it's fair for other diners. I also don't think you are meeting your baby's needs if he/she is crying lots and just shushed/jiggled by everyone and they still aren't happy.

colditz · 13/04/2011 11:57

It's not that a crying baby is offensive, it's intrusive. the sound of a crying baby gives me indigestion. I go to restaurants for a nice meal in a nice atmosphere, not for indigestion with added screaming.

YABU - as you said, it was nothing to do with breastfeeding./

Topspin · 13/04/2011 11:58

I agree with those who have said it would have been better to take your baby outside (or given up and gone home) if he was disturbing other diners.

WRT breastfeeding at the table - of course it's the best way to settle a bf baby if they are hungry or need comforting. I've done it loads of times without a second thought. Everyone else eats at the table so why not a breastfed baby? Odd that anyone would find it strange!

WoTmania · 13/04/2011 11:58

I nursed them lots though because usually that quitened them down. You wouldn't have known I was doing anything other than cuddling them. If it's a BF thing then YANBU. If you are BF and people have a problem they have a neck and can look the other way. You're baby can't wait for food.

TheseThingsAreGoodThings · 13/04/2011 11:58

YABU

I dont want to hear a baby cry when I am in restaurant

And whenever I was in that position - I took them out for some air.

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 11:59

DP took me to Pizza Hut at 6pm the other week - we had babysitter and everything - cheapskate twat, all I could hear and see were other peoples kids climbing everywhere and screaming - obviously everyone had the same idea as OP! Clearly eating out is not what it used to be for adults.

Changing2011 · 13/04/2011 11:59

Topspin - I dont find it strange for others, I just dont want to do it myself.

Innishvickillaune · 13/04/2011 12:00

Ah fuck off Gemma, you big prude. It's legally acceptable so what you would or wouldn't do is irrelevant.

OP, it sets my teeth on edge to hear a tiny baby's cry. I'm not the only one. At Christmas dinner, SIL's little baby (8 weeks) was "crying on and off" in the other room and I swear my boobs started to leak. I can't bear to hear little babies crying. If you are actively engaged in soothing a very young infant, it doesn't make much difference if you do it at the table or take it for a walk. It sounds like you wanted to carry on as if you didn't have a tiny baby with you and chat etc. I assumed when I skim-read first that you were talking about a pfb but as this is your third child (at least), I am surprised that you don't realise that others may have a different reaction to a tiny baby's cry than you do. I am all for kids in places and hate it when people myther about children being seen in public but a tiny baby provokes an elemental reaction in me and I can't STAND listening to the cries. They have a very high-pitched, urgent cry at that age. If they are very fractious and unsettled, sometimes you just need to get up and go and I'm a bit bemused that you don't realise that as an experienced mum.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/04/2011 12:00

And that's the reason bf rates are so low in this country. Where is the consideration for the baby from your dad? A grown man who can't cope with something so simple, it's ridiculous.

Morloth · 13/04/2011 12:00

It is quite easy to not look at a BFing baby if it makes you uncomfortable, but it isn't possible to not hear one that is crying.

gorionine · 13/04/2011 12:01

"Consideration needs to come from both parties." cosideration for people looking at my breast when they should not be and then complaining it is offending them? really?

TeddyMcardle · 13/04/2011 12:01

I don't think this is about bf. I have bf in restaurants and never thought anything of it.
I wouldn't have complained but I would have silently seethed, I hate listening to a baby crying and would think you very inconsiderate not to take the baby for a short walk to calm down.

BalloonSlayer · 13/04/2011 12:03

Since having DCs I find it agonising to hear a newborn crying, I'd feel really agitated if I was in a restaurant and there was a crying newborn baby.

I am not sure I would complain though, as my feelings would be all tender and protective about the baby, so complaining wouldn't sort of go with that, IYSWIM?

CheeseandPickledOnion · 13/04/2011 12:04

Christ. The OP already said it wasn't about BF.

YABU. People out for an evening meal don't want it ruined listening to a baby scream the place down. Step outside or pack up and go.

Topspin · 13/04/2011 12:05

Fair enough, Changing. I was responding to this: 'I hate the attitude of "I will feed my baby where I damn well please. Bollocks to everyone else."'

It's perfectly possible to feed discreetly in public if you're so inclined.

Topspin · 13/04/2011 12:05

But yes, this situation wasn't about breastfeeding!

PinkPussyCat · 13/04/2011 12:06

I had PND and was very anxious when out + about with ds generally, never mind worrying whether I'd be asked to leave if he dared cry... an incident like that (at 6 weeks) would have finished me off tbh. And we probably would have cut our stay short.

These days if I'm eating out and there is a child crying, I am just grateful it's not mine, and exercise a wee bit of tolerance. I wouldn't dream of complaining!

dearyme · 13/04/2011 12:08

nothing worse than a bawling baby when you are trying to have a nice conversation or even trying to do your shopping

i wouldnt have been happy having to sit there and listen to it either

violethill · 13/04/2011 12:08

I'm not dismissing the seriousness of PND, but I really don't think it's relevant.

And for all any of us know, other diners may have had mental health issues, depression or whatever, and really needed a calm and relaxing evening out, so a screaming baby could have exacerbated any problems.

JazzieJeff · 13/04/2011 12:09

OP I'm really sorry this happened to you. Life with a young baby is hard at the best of times, without having to hear this kind of thing for you. FWIW, I think this country is pretty child intolerant; on the continent they take their young children our for food in the evenings all the time; children are accepted as part of life which of course they are. Here, you're made to feel like a bad parent if you do!

Zizzi is a family restaurant and it wasn't as if it was late. I think the bf remark was unnecessary and just goes to show why rates are so low in this country. Hope you're not too put off by this.

PinkPussyCat · 13/04/2011 12:10

That should say 'we would probably have cut our stay short had it just been DH + I'. It's a bit harder to escape when it's a meal with extended family etc who you don't see much of.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 24 25