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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to buy my dh clothes.

193 replies

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 17:21

I work in clothes retail and the amount of women that buy clothes for their other halfs and say ''can i bring it back if they don't like it?'' amazes me. Is it a power thing?

Why do women buy their mens clothes? I have been with my dh for 24 years and never bought him so much as a sock, he is a grown man for gods sake not 4.

Please tell me I am not on my own here.

OP posts:
MissPenteuth · 05/04/2011 20:48

I buy DH's underwear and jeans because he always gets the same type and I'm at the shops more often than he is. I'll sometimes pick up a T-shirt or shirt that I think he'd like. But he's perfectly capable of buying clothes himself, and frequently does.

I don't really see why it's anyone else's business if women want to buy clothes for their partners, if their partners are also happy with the situation.

MissPenteuth · 05/04/2011 20:49

sm if DH saw something he thought I'd like and bought it, I'd be dead pleased. If, however, he bought all my clothes and demanded that I only wore things he had chosen, I'd be creeped out.

Mumcentreplus · 05/04/2011 20:56

I don't think it's about picking clothes per ce...more about if you pick the clothes yourself is important to you...to me I want to pick my own garments..to my DH ...not so much..I buy his pants..if I see a nice shirt or jeans/pant/suit on special offer ..it does not bother him if I buy his clothing..but it bothers me..he has tried a few times and it went pear-shaped Grin

megapixels · 05/04/2011 21:01

Well, each to their own but I don't think YABU as I see your point.

I don't see anything wrong with buying the odd piece here and there for the dh. If you see something you think he likes/needs/will look good in etc. That is normal. However, being the designated clothes shopper for your dh I think is a bit, well, odd. I don't buy the idea that a man will spend all his life wearing the same clothes if his wife didn't buy him any - it's because his wife buys that he probably doesn't feel the need to do that chore.

Dh was telling me that when his sister got married she asked him to give a list of good shops to get her new husband clothes. She was thinking of it as a wifely duty Hmm [boak].

Lovecat · 05/04/2011 21:03

I buy DH many of his clothes because he has no sense of colour or style and if left to his own devices when not in a work suit would look like this 24-7. As I occasionally like to go out with him to nice restaurants, theatres, etc., I purchase him some nice, relatively stylish things to wear to places where the faded band t-shirt and sweatpants won't cut it. I don't see how that's infantilising (or 'unacceptable', tbh - who died and made SM the arbiter??)

And what Pagwatch said. All of it.

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 21:09

you see thats the point of online rattle tattle.oppositional stance taken on some whimsy topic eg women who feel it necessary to chose their dp clothes.for example

and given you feel you have to chose clothes for an adult,well you would dispute my pov

Perpetuallypregnant · 05/04/2011 21:10

My dh is a total scruff when he's not at work. He looks lovely in his suit and shirts etc.. But has practically no non work clothes that he has bought himself.
Now i don't even iron his clothes for him - he's a grown up and is perfectly capable, but I will buy him clothes simply because I love shopping - for anyone, me, dcs, I really don't care, I enjoy it. He despises it.

I don't buy him loads but if I see something I will get it. Sometimes if I'm going shopping he'll ask me to get him some socks or something. Like others said, he works long hours and I currently don't so I'm happy to.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:10

Well, I buy DH clothes, but would never ask to bring them back if he doesn't like it. Is that OK? Or is that a power thing?

Not really. I do go shopping with him though. I like shopping for clothers, he likes the feedback and would buy trousers too short if I wasn't there

scottishmummy · 05/04/2011 21:16

some of you paint a pitiful tale of dh too feckless too shop
..wrong size
..wrong colour

dear god can they get on a bus unaided?cope with vending machine?negotiate internet? Yes i expect so,and bet they can buy clothes to.if you'd leave them to it

TheFallenMadonna · 05/04/2011 21:21

I'm using an evidence-based approach here. When alone, DH buys trousers that are too short. With me, he doesn't. The data is highly reliable.

AyeRobot · 05/04/2011 21:23

I agree, sm.

Always find these threads very odd. And I admit to judging both parties deeply.

Those of you who buy, when did you start buying? Were they badly dressed when you met? Do any of his friends know? Do you buy their work gear? Is there any item they refuse to allow you to buy? Do you still have an active sex life? Grin

DuelingFanjo · 05/04/2011 21:23

see, as one of those couples who have separate bank accounts and our 'own money' it's common sense to buy our own clothes imo.

forwantofabetter1 · 05/04/2011 21:32

@ AyeRobot

questions answered
a) starting buying clothes as presents but now buy most stuff as I work part time
b) Not badly dressed at all just not many choices
c) Yes friends know some have wifes/partners who do same others enjoy the shopping experience
d) Yes work gear too
e) No item refuse to buy though there are some thigs he wont wear that I quite like so he doesnt
f) Sex is great thanks!

I think the "mummy" idea is daft and some of you guys seem to not like doing things for each other.
My OH works hard, hates shopping and taste doesnt really change much I on the other hand work part time LOVE shopping and like to buy different things even if he does sometimes laugh at my choices.

To futher infuriate all you "let them do everything themselves" I choose buy and wrap ALL presents (apart from my own) because it is something I enjoy doing even for "his" side of the family xx

Mumcentreplus · 05/04/2011 21:39

As one of those couples who all the cash is paid into my bank account..it makes perfect sense to do what I want ...[grin ]..but seriously I see no harm at all..he trusts my judgement I don't trust his...lol

Mumcentreplus · 05/04/2011 21:39

My DH wear a uniform..problem solved

mitochondria · 05/04/2011 21:47

Laughing at the very idea of husband buying me clothes.

Those of you who buy, when did you start buying?
When we were students.

Were they badly dressed when you met?
Yes. He was once given money by several passers-by under the assumption that he was homeless.

Do any of his friends know?
It's not a secret. His friends don't really talk about clothes. They talk about computers and kung fu.

Do you buy their work gear?
He's a website designer. Work gear = home gear.

Is there any item they refuse to allow you to buy?
Not so far. As I've said, I make him come with me to see if things fit.

Do you still have an active sex life?
Yes.

CotswoldCountryMummy · 05/04/2011 21:53

i have given up buying for my DH. Invariably, i get so excited about whatever it is i've bought him, that giving it to him is an utter let down.
I can only remember once buying him something he actually liked/wore.
The last thing i bought him for Christmas was a beautiful Jumper. He opened it, and said "Wow, thank you treacle - it's lovely!" ..then i accidentally overheard him on the phone to his Friend " hmmm, got a few new C.D's, an i pod, new wellies, and the most hideous jumper..."
i never bothered after that......

megapixels · 05/04/2011 22:21

Well I have a question for those who buy all their dh's clothes.

Would you be happy to do the same for an adult son or daughter of yours? Say you have a 25 year old son or daughter who works full-time and isn't bothered about clothes, so quite fine with mummy's choices - would you be happy to buy their clothes for the rest of their/your life (or even in the short-term, say only while they are single)? If not, why not?

mumeeee · 05/04/2011 22:25

YANBU. I've also thought this was odd when friends have said this to me. \although I do sometimes buy DH clothes but this would be for a present. DH likes to choose his own clothes as I do and would never ask me to get him something

mitochondria · 05/04/2011 22:33

megapixels - I wouldn't pay for an adult son's clothes, no.

If they said "mum, here's some money, buy me clothes" I'd tell them they'd still have to come with me to try things on. I'm a big believer in trying stuff on. Comes from being a funny shape.

lazylula · 05/04/2011 22:38

I do not get the whole assumption that if you buy your dh's clothes it is because you do not like their dress sense or you think they are not capable. For some that may be the case but not for all. I can shop for my dh because I know his taste. I would not dream of buying him something I like, knowing it was not something I would choose himself. If I am unsure of something I check with him first (he asked me to get him a shirt and tie for a Christening and I liked a purple one but wasn't sure he would so I phoned to ask him, he said he liked the sound of it, job done). He wears the same style jeans that he wore when we met, as they are the only style that fits his chunky thighs. Work clothes I buy too, as I know where to get the cheapest joggers from as he is a painter so no style needed really. He does buy his own clothes if we are out and he sees something he likes. I am more than happy for him to go and get all his own clothes, it is his choice to ask me to get them.

sue52 · 05/04/2011 22:43

I buy all Dh's clothes as he has zero interest in his appearance apart from showering and shaving. I even put his shirt and tie out in the morning as he would look a complete mess without me to dress him. That being so he is a wonderful man and apart from a total lack of vanity, pretty damn near perfect.

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 06/04/2011 07:23

Some men only have zero interest in shopping because some other mug is doing it for them.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 06/04/2011 07:34

Really Sue52?!

I put my kids clothes out, there is no way I would do it for my DH! If he looks a mess then thats up to him surely?!

I buy DH the odd thing if I see it and think he will like it but that is mainly T Shirts or occasionally a jumper as a gift. I only buy his work trousers and that is because they get in a state and dont last long so he gets the cheapy Asda ones and every few weeks will ask me to pick him up another pair, so I dont really class that in same way as "buying his clothes".

I am not keen on some of the things he wears but he is an adult and at perfect liberty to wear what he likes, and I dont think he would be happy if I started buying everything for him!

ceres · 06/04/2011 07:36

'It is mummying, no doubt about it................some say they do it because dh detests shopping well i detest cleaning the oven but I do it.'

i buy dh clothes because i love shopping and he hates it. he also buys himself clothes on rare occasions.

he does jobs i hate - like cleaning the oven. there are other jobs that we both hate, but we both get on and do them because that's life.

i find the attitude of many women on here strange - they won't do their partner's washing, packing, whatever because that is somehow 'mummying' them. in our house we both do these things, however there are some jobs that i do more often than dh or vice versa.

i can't think of anything that dh has never done, i however have never mowed the lawn or done anything to a car (other than driven it) and in fact every weekend dh even fills my car up with fuel as i hate doing it.