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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to buy my dh clothes.

193 replies

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 17:21

I work in clothes retail and the amount of women that buy clothes for their other halfs and say ''can i bring it back if they don't like it?'' amazes me. Is it a power thing?

Why do women buy their mens clothes? I have been with my dh for 24 years and never bought him so much as a sock, he is a grown man for gods sake not 4.

Please tell me I am not on my own here.

OP posts:

maypole1 · 06/04/2011 19:18

my dh would rather stick a pin in his eye than shop and if he had his way he would wear his moring wood t shirt and doggey shorts to every occasion so i shop for him hell yeah

TeaOneSugar · 06/04/2011 19:32

Works both ways, I very rarely buy clothes for DH, my DH is more likely to buy clothes for me if he sees something I'd like, or for my birthday/valentines etc.

hugereductionsinstore · 06/04/2011 19:33

There is a huge distance between 'complete outsourcing' and the OPs attitude of "I have been with my dh for 24 years and never bought him so much as a sock, he is a grown man for gods sake not 4." and I suspect the majority of people are firmly in the middle.

Both extremes are slightly odd but if I had to pick one for my own relationship it wouldn't be hard. I couldn't bear it if DH wouldn't do anything for me that I was capable of doing myself on the basis of being grown up.

I would like to know why the OP assumes the mens clothes women buy are for their DHs/DPs, rather than their sons, fathers, brothers and aren't gifts or requested items but the entirety of the man's wardrobe.

scottishmummy · 06/04/2011 20:05

this oft touted excuse
dh would pick wrong size/colour/dress like fell out bin
is another example of infantalising an adult whom you consider too inept for all reasons stated in posts

mitochondria · 06/04/2011 21:12

I don't pick for him, as such. I escort him to a clothes shop, say "pick some trousers and try them on". He does. We buy them.
Looking like tramp averted.

I cut his hair, too.

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 06/04/2011 21:20

Because the women that come into my shop tell me who they are buying for and seem proud that their dh are incapable of going to the shops themselves.

OP posts:

hugereductionsinstore · 06/04/2011 21:38

If the OP read something like "AIBU to think this woman is odd to buy all her DHs clothes and be proud that he is incapable of shopping for himself" then I would be on board with you. More for the pride bit than the buying bit because clothes shopping, unlike checking tyre pressure and cleaning the oven is a thing lots of people genuinely like doing.

Its the idea that if you buy even a sock then he is taking the piss and you are mothering him and you shouldn't do anything for anybody if they are capable of doing it themselves that I find a bit extreme. If your DH asked you to get him some socks when you were next in wherever he gets his socks from would you do it?

NinkyNonker · 06/04/2011 21:50

I think your OP was misleading then. You imply that any woman who buys clothes for their other half is a control freak on a power trip to infantalise their other half, which has been proven to be false. If you had included the (vital) info that these women take pride in the infantalisation of their other halves you would probably have received more agreement...I'm sure you agree that it is a different proposition altogether.

Bubbaluv · 07/04/2011 00:04

I think it's even more amazing that the OP won't buy clothes for her DH when she works in a men's clothing dept! That's just mean in my books!
OP - do you never see something at work and think that your DH would look nice in it? Do you then think "F him, he's a grown man not a child"?
Seems an unnaturally militant line to draw.

Bubbaluv · 07/04/2011 00:09

Oh, and the women who seem proud that they are buying for their incapable husbands are probably just making small talk. Reminds me of the other thread criticising PIL for "categorising" a baby as a bubble blower when they are really just scraping the barrell for something to fill the conversational gap.
There's often not much to say while making a transaction in a shop so people fall back on old cliches such as "DH is hopeless at shopping so I have to do it all for him".
Doesn't mean it's true.

Skinit · 07/04/2011 00:17

My DH buys clothes for me! He's so gay styish that he wipes the floor with me when it comes to taste. He also loves shopping and buys better quality than I do...I just can't bring myself to spend more than 50 quid at a time.

scottishmummy · 07/04/2011 00:21

really?plenty wife's on this thread swear dh cant shop.they cite
wrong size
wrong colour
look like tramp
doesnt care about clothes
too busy
...id say these wife's regard their husband as hopeless at shopping judging by the comments made

Skinit · 07/04/2011 00:24

He knows what size I am top and bottom and also what suits me! He buys me coats in the winter, dresses, cardigans and jackets....he's bought me some good jeans a few times. I by contrast have bought him a few vanilla jumpers...I'm crap with mens clothes.

startail · 07/04/2011 00:51

DH is just not interested in clothes for himself. He'll go shopping for things for me or the DDs and make perfectly sensible suggestions.
But I'm not sure that left to his own devices he'd own much more than 1 suit, a tie, two white shirts (he does understand that things require to be washed and dried), a scruffy pair of trousers, a warmer casual shirt, a couple of t shirts and pair of shorts and various pairs of sandals. I hope he'd remember to own a pair of work shoes, but I wouldn't bet on it.

His clothes are just not important to him, they don't form part of his view of himself. His self image and worth revolve around his ability to sort out technical things that tie other people in knots.

Morloth · 07/04/2011 03:31

DH works 12-16 hour days. I think I can find it within myself to pick him up some clothes when his wear out.

Mon-Fri he wears a white shirt, black trousers with white boxers and black socks. Weekends he wears jeans and a t-shirt. This is not hard to cater to especially as I get him the same brand/cut everytime to just replace it.

Clothes are not important to either of us and the buying of them is just another job to get done.

I get his trousers dry cleaned as well, I wonder if this means I am down trodden in some way?

I like running the house and having everything my way, it probably is controlling but it certainly works very well for us so am not looking to change anything.

Bubbaluv · 07/04/2011 05:12

ScottishMummy, I have no doubt that a lot of men are hopeless shoppers. Mine isn't great.
I'm just saying that it it's a cliche (I guess cliches are cliches for a reason) and so people use them to fill conversational gaps with retail staff. They don't say it because they are "proud" that their husbands are not good clothes shoppers.
I just don't understand why it's a problem to divide household tasks so that each partner does the jobs they prefer and avoid those they aren't good at (as far as possible). How is that anything other than a healthy functioning relationship?

LtEveDallas · 07/04/2011 05:41

I buy all DH clothes, incl underwear. But then he only has new clothes on birthdays or Christmas.

Actually, that's not quite true. He does get new tshirts, shorts etc before holidays, but he buys them himself (with DD trying to persuade him to buy pink tshirts, usually!)

I really don't get why this is a problem?

esselle · 07/04/2011 06:31

I never buy Dh clothes. He has always worked in clothes retail and picked up what ever he needed. Staff discount is pretty useful too.

He buys about 80% of the DCs clothes too - and has excellent taste.

With his current job he actually gets a big fat clothing allowance so he is very well dressed.

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 07/04/2011 07:41

If I see something my husband might like I will tell him and then if he is interested he will pop in and have a look.

My dh would not ask me to buy socks for him. I have actually just told him about this thread and he said

''what am I 4''

So indeed we are on the same wavelength.

OP posts:

Morloth · 07/04/2011 08:52

Well most 14 year olds don't leave home at 8 and not have a lunch hour (except something at his desk) and not get home until 9 most evenings. We have better things to do on the weekends than go shopping.

As pagwatch says, sensible division of labour.

Why waste time going shopping in precious family time when I can pick up stuff when I am already there? I just don't see the point.

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 07/04/2011 14:50

I said ......what am i ....4?

but your answer would of been the same, maybe he needs to work less then and you more.

leave at 8am and home at 9pm...thats not a life it is an existence

OP posts:

mitochondria · 07/04/2011 14:58

I bought my husband some socks today, just because of this thread!

Well, no, not really - I was in M+S buying myself some, and remembered he was complaining at the weekend that all his had holes in. So thought it would be a kind thing to do.

Morloth · 07/04/2011 22:30

Yes, we should change our winning formula so that DH can spend time in department stores buying clothes.

You are assuming the long hours are a bad thing, they aren't they are just the reason I pick up stuff from the shops for him, same reason I cook dinner and do the school run.

Buying clothes is just another thing necessary to keep everything running.

Asinine · 07/04/2011 22:50

I don't even get why anyone could get annoyed about who buys what in someone else's relationship? Why does it matter?

scottishmummy · 07/04/2011 23:16

lol,in that case dont come on mn.folk incandescent about most aspects of other folk life.from how/where they park...to whetherr they sahmor working mum..or married or not

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