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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to buy my dh clothes.

193 replies

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 17:21

I work in clothes retail and the amount of women that buy clothes for their other halfs and say ''can i bring it back if they don't like it?'' amazes me. Is it a power thing?

Why do women buy their mens clothes? I have been with my dh for 24 years and never bought him so much as a sock, he is a grown man for gods sake not 4.

Please tell me I am not on my own here.

OP posts:

Asinine · 05/04/2011 17:40

I do lots of things for my dh that he is perfectly capable of doing for himself, eg cook, iron, washing. He does lots for me that I could do for myself. We are both capable adults but like to look after each other by doing these things. There are only a few things I can do for him that he is not capable of doing by himself... And I won't list them on here

Ok
Folding shirts
Making gravy properly
That's about it

mumblechum1 · 05/04/2011 17:41

The only thing I buy as a surprise for my dh is nice soap.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 05/04/2011 17:41

DH is very picky to buy for so generally don't bother. DH did ask me to get some shirts for him once as I need a new one at short notice, so I picked a few and told him I would take back the ones he didn't like.

I think YABU to wonder why some women do buy other men's clothes. It is most likely a time thing.

WildhoodChunder · 05/04/2011 17:41

I buy DH clothes often for birthday or Christmas presents. It's easier to buy surprise clothes for men, imo, as men's clothes are usually cut in a fairly standard way, no bias cut, empire line, darts whatever whatever to worry about: a shirt is generally a shirt. I've a fairly good idea of his taste after years together. And if he didn't like it, I'd take it back. Not a problem.

Parmallama · 05/04/2011 17:43

I buy my DH socks and ties...but he has his own sense of style and knows what he likes clothes wise so buys his own.

valiumredhead · 05/04/2011 17:44

I have never bought me dh any clothes and he has never bought me anything either - we've been together 20 years. Wouldn't dream of it tbh.

twolittlemonkeys · 05/04/2011 17:45

I buy my DH's clothes because if left to his own devices he would wear things like this or this and then I would be too embarrassed to be seen in public with him

Pagwatch · 05/04/2011 17:45

at Asinine

Dh is bloody annoying as he does most things better than me, especially cooking.

There are only two things I think he is crap at

Baking.
Packing for more than a week. He packs just fine for business trips or weekends away. But more than two weeks and he turns into a rabbit in the headlights and ends up emptying his wardrobe into a case and then shouting at me in slightly hysterical manner when I question the wisdom of so many jumpers for a hot climate

sometimes I have to slap him. For his own good.

FreudianSlippery · 05/04/2011 17:48

"Seeing something and thinking oooh, X would look fab in that"

Yes that's what I feel too. It is also a matter of practicality because in general I'm the one with free time.

It's not a matter of capability and/or laziness, DH would be fine without me to Shop for him, I just like it and have more opportunities.

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 17:50

Thanks for the replies.

Somebody asked me about washing his clothes. I load the machine or he loads it pretty much equal.

I just think it is mummying them buying them their clothes.

But as said ''if it works for you its ok then''

OP posts:

lazylula · 05/04/2011 17:55

I usually buy DH's clothes but it has nothing to do with power I am not sure why buying something for someone else would be seen as a power thing or anything else tbh. I do it for many reasons, time for one, I have the time he doesn't, plus he loathes and detests shopping so rarely goes. I would ask if I could return the item as he doesn't have to like what I get him, that is is right to say yes or no, although often I will then say you take it back and choose something. Socks and pants I tend to pick up when I have thrown out enough pairs for him to notice the numbers are dwindling.

valiumredhead · 05/04/2011 17:55

MY not me I wish there was an edit button!

Parmallama · 05/04/2011 17:57

We wash each others clothes...

BUT - having ruined one or two of my 'delicates' he's learned that when in doubt (re my clothes) he shouldn't just chuck my things into the washing machine.

firsttimer84 · 05/04/2011 17:57

Up until i took matters into my own hands my husband was still wearing tshirts and jeans he wore 10 years ago. Nothing wrong with that but fashions change/ you can tell they are 10 years old etc/fading...I took it upon my self to go out and buy him a new set of things and he loved it. Says he never has time or the passion to go out and buy clothes and as i do, i do. Its not controlling although i do admit i am controlling in other things! If he saw a tshirt he wanted to buy himself id say go for it, just like he wouldnt stop me buying something i wanted for myself. I think its actually a sign of intimacy that your other half can pick out something you would like to wear and fits well.

Pagwatch · 05/04/2011 17:58

It isn't mummying . It simply isn't
Really.
It is a straight division of labour.

2rebecca · 05/04/2011 17:58

I rarely buy my husband clothes. He doesn't buy many clothes and hates having "spare" clothes but is fussy about those he does buy (and mainly buys online, esp cycling clothes).
I don't get why many women "mummy" their husbands in this way and suspect women who buy their husband's clothes for him also buy and sign birthday, mothers' day and christmas cards from him, buy presents "from him", open his mail, do his ironing and generally infantilise their bloke whilst moaning about it.

Pagwatch · 05/04/2011 17:59

Oh ffs.

2rebecca · 05/04/2011 18:00

I like twolittlemonkeys' husbands choice of tshirts though and am wary of "stylish" men.

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 18:01

2rebecca......well put.

It is mummying, no doubt about it................some say they do it because dh detests shopping well i detest cleaning the oven but I do it.

OP posts:

PenguinArmy · 05/04/2011 18:02

pag I think for most people, it isn't a straight division of labour i.e. men don't pick up a job to counter the clothes buying. It does a bit like mummying for most people.

Piggles · 05/04/2011 18:02

I often buy DH clothes, and he is happy for me to do so.

I really enjoy clothes shopping and like to think I am pretty good at selecting suitable clothes for other people (have never had to return anything yet and it all gets worn) but DH loathes shopping malls (isn't good with crowds and gets very agitated) and generally wears his old stuff until it isn't fit to be worn anymore. He very occasionally orders online for himself if he wants something specific.

He doesn't care much what he wears as long as he is comfortable though, and has no particular style - so I take the chance to buy him comfortable clothing that I think suits him.

YANBU about women who buy their partners things that the poor partner would never contemplate wearing except under protest - trying to change someones style and making them dress a certain way is a little bit power-happy - I don't really understand buying things if the chances are very high that you'll have to return it or it will fester unworn in a drawer.

Asinine · 05/04/2011 18:11

I really really don't get this 'infantilising' thing. So out of the activities already mentioned, like ironing, washing, cleaning ovens, packing, making gravy and buying clothes, which ones should I avoid most to avoid my husband turning into a helpless baby?

And am I being 'infantilised' by him if he checks my tyre pressures or makes me breakfast in bed.

Original poster

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 18:17

breakfast in bed is a treat and if you own a car why can you not check the tyre pressure?

OP posts:

minipie · 05/04/2011 18:19

It's only "infantilising" if you are buying them clothes that you want them to wear - i.e. you are trying to dictate the way they dress.

If they need some more socks/T shirts/jumpers, and you go out and buy them, that's just doing them a favour. Same as, eg, buying food for them or cooking for them.

Asinine · 05/04/2011 18:21

Of course I can check tyre pressures. He just likes to do it, he loves cars, numbers and garages. Oh dear he does sound like a 4 year old now doesn't he?

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