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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to buy my dh clothes.

193 replies

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 17:21

I work in clothes retail and the amount of women that buy clothes for their other halfs and say ''can i bring it back if they don't like it?'' amazes me. Is it a power thing?

Why do women buy their mens clothes? I have been with my dh for 24 years and never bought him so much as a sock, he is a grown man for gods sake not 4.

Please tell me I am not on my own here.

OP posts:
Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 06/04/2011 12:45

lol at ''turning into his mum'' spot on

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 06/04/2011 12:46

I do buy a lot of DH clothes, shirts, t.shirts and jumpers mainly. The only things I can't or won't buy for him are trousers and suits and of course shoes.
He loathes shopping and gets a bit dizzy with too much choice I think.
He has only ever once bought me something. Once was enough.

cantspel · 06/04/2011 12:51

My husband will often put way my clean laundry, pants and all. Does that mean he is mothering me or that he is just helping out?

We are a team and pull together to get the things done that need doing.
He will pop to the shops to buy me a box of tampax if asked in the same way i will pick him up a pack of socks.

daimbardiva · 06/04/2011 13:57

I buy most of DH's clothes - simply because he has very little time and not much interest in shopping, and it seems ridiculous for him to make a special trip into town when I'm often in the shops anyway.

I'm pretty good at choosing stuff for him but on the rare occasion that he does moan he doesn't like it, he gets told to buy his own bloody clothes in future!

nijinsky · 06/04/2011 14:03

I often buy clothes for my DP, as otherwise he would be clad in rags and wear things til they are worn out, as he has little interest in clothes and clothes shopping. Have to say I'm not keen on the metrosexual type of man who spends most of their spare cash in Cruise or other designer shops and on fancy haircuts.

What does annoy me though is shop assistants who don't think I know the difference between mens and womens departments. "Excuse me, the ladies department is over there". Well yes, but I'm not going to get a smart man's pair of trousers there, am I?

forwantofabetter1 · 06/04/2011 17:40

Looked at objectivley without the "Dont do anything for feckless men" pants on it is surely a matter of practicality, teamwork and wanting to do something for someone you love.
Yes I do do the majority of DH's shopping but I know he would be perfectly capable of doing it himself if he had to BUT guess what he doesnt have to because he has a lovley lovely wife that enjoys doing it for him.
Personally I HATE food shopping and cooking but DH loves nothing better than planning his weekly menu and going off to the supermarket with his list so maybe he is Mummy me as he chooses what we eat every night!!!

PenguinArmy · 06/04/2011 17:45

what you describe sounds a fair system, but I doubt is representive forwantofabetter1 However, I don't like the implication that I am not a lovely wife. I don't not buy his clothes out of spite.

scottishmummy · 06/04/2011 17:53

wholly taking over something as fundamental and intrinsic as dh appearance is controlling and creepy

and yes if your dh dictated food choice and only gave you what he chose that also would be controlling and creepy

themes like partnership,helping out etc are associated with choice,which is absent if one person habitually has more control and sway over the other in decision making

and citing reasons of your dh is too feckless, picks wrong size,colour,or too very busy to undertake a rudimentary task is a bit bonkers. if they can negotiate pc, shop online, undertake other tasks independently they can shop for own clothes.

if a woman posted:
my husband buys my clothes and choses my food,what you think?...
i dont envisage much oh well given you women cant pick correct size,or colour he is being very nice to you.you are so lucky

Asinine · 06/04/2011 17:54

mrs chips do you let your dh do anything for you at all? And do you do anthing for him? And if you do why is that different from buying clothes?
Still don't get it, unless somehow some people think that your clothes in some way define you and by buying for someone else you are defining them to suit yourself iyswim?

Asinine · 06/04/2011 17:58

something as fundamental and intrinsic as dh appearance is controlling and creepy

Scottish mummy I cross posted but you do think that clothes are important, whereas in our house it's more a pratical matter of being comfy, warm and not naked. Maybe that explains why some people think clothes buying is a creepy thing to do for someone else.

scottishmummy · 06/04/2011 18:04

but does anyone dress solely functionally.only for warmth,safety and modesty? not at all - if that were case we'd all shop at state run utilitarian store and there would be no brands,no range of styles,and purely functional

do you genuinely not have a style preference or favoured clothing brand?
even my young kids have preference and emerging style and choice.not complete choice naturally as they are still wee

hedgefundwidow · 06/04/2011 18:08

James buys all his on-line so i dont have to get involved. Relief!
He bought a job lot when he was in London last week so that will keep him going for at least a year.

Asinine · 06/04/2011 18:11

I do not swoon over particular brands, and like things to fit and feel good. I won't buy clothes unless I can bend to the floor to play with dcs and run or dance wearing them, otherwise I feel claustraphobic.dh is not interested in brands but good quality well fitting clothes.

scottishmummy · 06/04/2011 18:16

yes but he still must have an identifiable style/look?or how else would he differentiate him self from a 19yo skater boy for example?most people seek quality and decent fit clothes,but the differentiation becomes apparent by age,tribe,class

mitochondria · 06/04/2011 18:25

My dh has a uniform, as I said before. Jeans or combats, t-shirt. Hoody.

He does in fact dress a bit like a 19 yo skater boy (except he doesn't hang his trousers at half-mast so you can see his pants.)

He has one suit, for funerals.

Asinine · 06/04/2011 18:40

I'm just saying that if clothes are less important in a family it's less important who's doing the buying, like with food, we both buy it.

scottishmummy · 06/04/2011 18:45

if it is low level significance why cant your dh pick his own clothes?foes he pick for you?

minipie · 06/04/2011 18:50

hang on scottishmummy who said anyone was choosing the kind of clothes they want their DH to wear?

I rarely buy DH clothes, but I do sometimes. When I do I buy things I think he would like.

minipie · 06/04/2011 18:51

oh and of course if he doesn't like them, back they go.

PrincessScrumpy · 06/04/2011 18:53

I buy dh clothes as he cannot be bothered and only buys new socks if the hole is big enough that 3 toes fit through. His mum used to buy him clothes. He is happy to shop with me, paying and carrying the bags but doesn't like buying clothes for himself.

Having said that, I am a control freak! Grin

Asinine · 06/04/2011 18:53

Just the occasional red basque at Xmas and a fleece and climbing shoes...

I didn't wear them at the same time Grin

He does sometimes buy clothes online for work, but I usually buy him clothes as a part of birthday or Xmas presents, all his extended family do this.I get lovely clothes from my brother in laws.

As i've said earlier, we like to do things for each other, even if we are capable of doing it ourselves.

PrincessScrumpy · 06/04/2011 18:55

I only buy stuff I know dh will like - his style so I'm not trying to change him other than preventing him looking like a tramp.

foreverondiet · 06/04/2011 18:55

I sometimes buy him clothes. I have more time than him.

AyeRobot · 06/04/2011 18:58

Asinine, the incredulity has nothing to do with any objection to doing things for each other, nor the purchase of clothing as gifts. It's the complete outsourcing of the entirety of such a personal task that boggles my mind.

NinkyNonker · 06/04/2011 19:13

Not many people are talking about complete outsourcing though. Most are talking about the odd bit here and there, or whathaveyou.

I buy the odd stuff if it is A) a bargain B) something that catches my eye that he might like. If I am going into town shopping, I ask if he wants anything, as we would if one of use were going to the supermarket, local shop, off licence etc...no difference. If all his socks have holes in and he mentions it, and I go to a sock retailer before he does I buy some. And vice versa, it's just helping one another out, being in a partnership.

God help me in my obviously hideously infantalised marriage. After all, DH cooked and cleaned the kitchen this eve, he obviously thinks me incapable and doubts my taste in food. Best take back the shirt he asked me to buy the other day cause I was in Gap...