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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to buy my dh clothes.

193 replies

goodbyemrschips · 05/04/2011 17:21

I work in clothes retail and the amount of women that buy clothes for their other halfs and say ''can i bring it back if they don't like it?'' amazes me. Is it a power thing?

Why do women buy their mens clothes? I have been with my dh for 24 years and never bought him so much as a sock, he is a grown man for gods sake not 4.

Please tell me I am not on my own here.

OP posts:
Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 06/04/2011 07:45

Thanks for all the replies and a mixed reception as always. smile

I just could not be with someone who

a. did'nt buy their own clothes

b. expected me to do it

c. would be happy to go around like a tramp if I did'nt

I am sure if the ladies who do , do it stopped, the men would start doing it for themselves.

But as the expression goes '' why have a dog and bark yourself?''

OP posts:
ceres · 06/04/2011 07:53

i'm sure if dh stopped putting fuel in my car, mowing the lawn, putting the bins out, doing the food shopping etc then i would start doing these things myself.

i wouldn't like it though.

exoticfruits · 06/04/2011 08:03

It doesn't really matter if you like it! It must be wonderful to take no interest, or be useless, and let someone else do it for you! They are onto a good thing!

wineclub · 06/04/2011 08:05

OP, why do you assume that the women you are stunned by when you at work

A. buy all their DPs clothes

B. Haven't been asked by their DPs to get something as they are going shopping anyway

C. Have control issues.

I have probably chosen and bought 10-20% of DHs wardrobe and now I feel sneered at by shop assistants who have no idea that DH has done the same for me but merely judge me as a sex avoiding mother figure and him as a hopeless child-man. They might be buying something that has been requested, something for a gift, something for their dad or brother.

I don't understand why buying clothes is seen in such a negative, pseudo-phycological light compared to other domestic tasks which couples divide between them, either equally or unequally. If I saw a man filling his wife's car with petrol I wouldn't assume he was trying to control her, I would think he was buying petrol as he was best placed to at the time.

Original poster
goodbyemrschips · 06/04/2011 08:11

How would you know it was his wifes car, but I fill up my own car book it in for the service etc and low and behold I drive it as well.

My car I sort it

His body he can dress it.

OP posts:
ceres · 06/04/2011 08:30

'It doesn't really matter if you like it! It must be wonderful to take no interest, or be useless, and let someone else do it for you! They are onto a good thing!'

if this is addressed to me then i really don't understand what you are talking about.

i don't take an interest in taking bins out, mowing the lawn or putting fuel in my car. does anyone? they are jobs that need doing, not exactly stimulating or interesting imo.

my dh isn't interested in shopping. he doesn't like it and doesn't go as often as i do. when he goes shopping he might or might not buy himself clothes. i love shopping and hit the shops regularly. when i go shopping i might or might not buy him clothes.

i 'let' dh do a lot of things for me, similarly he 'lets' me do lots of things for him. because we love each other and are in a functioning relationship.

i think both i and dh are 'onto a good thing'.

exoticfruits · 06/04/2011 08:45

Exactly-they are jobs that need doing and you get on and do them!

GeekCool · 06/04/2011 08:53

If I spot something DH likes I'll pick it up for him. However, he is an amazing shopper, regularly buys me clothes that fit, that I like and is known for buying a bag to match shoes. He's a dream to shop with I have to say, provided it's not too drawn out as he has a patience limit with shopping!

Bubbaluv · 06/04/2011 09:01

I will sometimes buy clothes for DH, I will also buy clothes for friends or other family if I see something I think is really "them".
DH is rather hard to fit though, so generally he needs to be there and I go along to give my opinion as his in-house stylist.
My Mum buys me clothes if she happens across something great as does my sister.
None of this is because any one of us is 4 or incapable, it just called being thoughtful.
Also, DH asks for socks and jocks for his birthday! Hmm

Bubbaluv · 06/04/2011 09:02

Geekcool, I am so jealous!

GeekCool · 06/04/2011 09:05

LOl Bubbaluv don't worry he does plenty of annoying things Wink to make up for it, but I can't fault his shopping ability.

cantspel · 06/04/2011 09:21

I shop for 90% of the clothes my husband wears from pants and socks to shoes.
Why because i tend to have more time to shop and believe it or not i like to do things for him. If i am going shopping and know his pants or shoes are getting a bit worn then i will pick up a new pair.
It doesn't make me a down todden wife or him some sort of over grown child. It is just part of marriage to do things for each other. It shows i care and am thinking about his welfare and comfort in the same way as he will do things for me that show he cares and is thinking about my comfort.

Bubbaluv · 06/04/2011 09:34

GeekCool, my Dh can't even give me an opinion on something when I'm standing in a change-room right in front of him.
He does buy me fabulous handbags on business trips through (although I'm pretty sure he just asks the shop assistants to choose).

inchoccyheaven · 06/04/2011 09:45

I agree with you ceres completely :)

springbokdoc · 06/04/2011 09:59

I buy pretty much most of my dh clothes. Because he has a very warped idea of how how long you can wear clothes. We are finally at a stage where we can afford to spend money on 'proper' clothes rather than the cheapest thing out there - but dh feels bad spending money on himself. So I do it for him. He has one suit - which has a hole in it. It bugs the living daylights out of me but he thinks that no one will see it. I am certainly not infantilising him, but as my dh I like getting him things. I also like the idea of shopping and certainly love bringing home bags but hate shopping for myself. So I buy stuff for him.

wineclub · 06/04/2011 10:46

"How would you know it was his wifes car, but I fill up my own car book it in for the service etc and low and behold I drive it as well.

My car I sort it"

I know a lot of people and see them when I am out and about.

Would you still insist on taking your own car for service if it was inconvenient for you but no prob for your DH? I wouldn't dream of getting arsey with DH about his car when I can drop it off at the garage and walk to work whereas he would need to get a lift or taxi both ways. I also take my brother's car in for service and he drives mine for the day. If its easy for me to help him out why wouldn't I? Conversely, if its easy for him to do something that is a bit of a pita for him then why not? I don't see any difference between dropping your DPs car off at the garage, picking up a newspaper for him/her when you are going to the shop or buying them a jumper you think they will like. I would hate to be in a relationship where doing things for each other was seen so negatively.

WassaAxolotl · 06/04/2011 11:00

I'm very confused. If the purchaser plans to take the clothes back to the shop, in the event her husband/partner/live-in toyboy doesn't like them, how can it all be about power?

She went out, she saw something he might like, she bought it then and there, rather than have to arrange another shopping trip.

Surely?

Journey · 06/04/2011 11:00

I think it's strange you've never bought you DH any clothes.

"Is it a power thing?" - so if we do something nice for our DH it's a power thing is it. It's called looking after each other.

theborrower · 06/04/2011 11:02

OP, I don't get it either. The day I buy clothes, particularly pants or socks, for my DH is the day that I've turned into my mum and I'm hoping that never happens Grin

The only time I've ever bought him clothes is when I've gotten him a geeky movie t-shirt for his birthday that I knew he wanted. That's it. Oh, and a nice scar for Christmas. Again, I knew he needed one (I shrunk his other nice one in the wash, oooops).

I'd be mortified if he, or anyone else actually, bought me clothes. I'm fussy - not that you'd know by looking at the crap clothes I wear - and a short arse, so not a lot fits on my wee frame.

I don't see it as a division of labour thing at all. If he wants new clothes he can go and choose them and pay for them himself. That's what I do.

theborrower · 06/04/2011 11:02

nice scarf for Christmas. I got myself a nice scar on my DD's birth(day) Grin

theborrower · 06/04/2011 11:04

Oh, and I hate clothes shopping too and he's better at it than me, so that maybe comes into it. DH goes into a shop and comes out 10 minutes later with what he wants. Done.

Bubbaluv · 06/04/2011 11:23

I totally understand someone NOT wanting to do it. I won't iron my husbands work shirts (or anything else for that matter) because I hate it. What I don't understand is why it is somehow strange that someone else IS happy to do it. I know people who love ironing and happily iron their DH's shirts and I certainly don't think it suggests something weird about the state of their relationship.

Nefret · 06/04/2011 11:27

I shop for my children's clothes, not my husband's! I may buy him something for birthday/Christmas but certainly not every day stuff. I do enough for him without buying his clothes too Wink

exoticfruits · 06/04/2011 12:09

It would be interesting to know if these men have ever done it-did you just take over from MIL?

mitochondria · 06/04/2011 12:25

exoticfruits - I did. We've been together since he was 18 and living at home.

I don't do his ironing. I hate ironing.
Don't mind shopping.

Maybe that's the difference?