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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

454 replies

Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:01

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 12/03/2011 13:07

No and I wouldn't! Really bad manners - if someone not invited they shouldn't come (or be brought)

DO you think you could tackle them about it beforehand - say it is because of finances and you have to treat everyone the same and that measn no kids at all.

We are having bbq for DHs 40th in the summer and have had comments about excluding a suckling infant - FFS - your kids aren't invited, even the suckling ones - get over it is my attitude! This particular couple lives across the road from us and they can leave baby with relative and nip back if it needs feeding.

VajazzHands · 12/03/2011 13:09

How fucking rude. Why invite them if you think they are that rude?

If they bring their kids just make a point of not bending over backwards for them and also let someone who likes a gossip know that you didn't ivite them.

You don't want the other guests thinking you only ignored their children

alarkaspree · 12/03/2011 13:09

I don't think many people would ignore a no-child stipulation, however many hissy strops they have about the concept. If you're really concerned they will do this you'll have to talk to them and explain how tight space is.

However from your OP I'm sensing that you don't like this couple, so if you're inviting them they must be close relatives, and therefore their children are also close relatives - are you not inviting your nieces and nephews to your wedding? I can understand why people might be upset.

VajazzHands · 12/03/2011 13:11

Think inviting someone to your house for a bbq who still has a feeding baby and expecting them to choose a birthday party over their child is really rude though! It's not really the same as a wedding at all!

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:14

We are inviting them as DP is best mates with the bloke of the couple. She is a PITA!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/03/2011 13:15

Get the Best Man to throw them out!

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 13:15

I have taken ds's to child free weddings.

I just turned up at the church and sat them in the pew next to me. I had no choice, other than not to go.

It was one of the 'mine and sibs children only allowed' weddings, so not causing an international sensation by the presence of children per se.

Nothing was said at all, well not directly, and I never got anything said after the wedding. They sat on sofas at the edge of the dining room and ate the food I had brought for them and played with their toys. They became the centre of activity for the invited children as they had stuff to do/entertain them.

I think that its very hard for breastfeeders and those without babysitters to go to 'child free' weddings. As a cost saver, maybe those inviting children could have a children's area/table and state that while they are welcome, you are keeping costs down, so parents need to provide for them?

worraliberty · 12/03/2011 13:18

OMG human I'm speechless [shocked]

MadameCastafiore · 12/03/2011 13:18

I don't expect them to chose party over the baby - they live across the road I am not asking them to travel to another county and leave the baby with someone else - if the baby needs feeding they can pop across the road or just choose not to come.

I don't want kids here for the BBQ - we have a lovely BBQ each summer and DH and I end up running around after all our friends kids.

To be honest all but this friend has said they can't wait to have a whole afternoon and evening at a grown up event without having to trail around after the kids.

BiddytheKnackerwoman · 12/03/2011 13:18

No I ABSOLUTELY wouldn't.

We had a (supposedly) child free wedding and yet DHs boss and wife decided to bring 7 month old to the church and the little darling screamed all through the vows. Didn't occur to numpty mummy to take her outside.

If the guest doesn't like it they shouldn't go.

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:19

humanoctopus-do you not think that nothing was said as the bride & groom wouldn't want to cause a fuss? I would certainly say something. I would rather people said they couldn't come to the wedding than brought their children. How rude of you.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 12/03/2011 13:21

Bit Human they were not invited - why on earth would you take your kids somewhere they were not invited - such bad manners.

Can't people have events where you go without your children?

WhatKatieDid · 12/03/2011 13:23

What makes you think they'll ignore it? Surely if they are planning to, it'll be mentioned first either to you or DP at which point you can point out the space issues. If they realise there won't even be a seat for DCs they'll probably change their mind.

Wish i had more friends like you, madamecastafiore!!! Totally different story. imho, if you want people who have a suckling baby there, you have to accept the suckling baby - they don't exactly need a seat. what fun that poor mum will have dashing to and fro!!

valiumredhead · 12/03/2011 13:23

OMG human!! Shock

In answer to the OP no I would never ignore the wishes of the couple getting married. If I didn't agree or couldn't get a sitter etc I would just not attend the wedding.

worraliberty · 12/03/2011 13:24

They sat on sofas at the edge of the dining room and ate the food I had brought for them and played with their toys

Just the sight of that would put a downer on the reception for me if I was the bride. Actually I would have been silently fuming as well as feeling sorry for the kids having to sit on the edge of where everyone else was.

valiumredhead · 12/03/2011 13:25

And I bet you were talk of that wedding human Wink

StewieGriffinsMom · 12/03/2011 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jojosmaman · 12/03/2011 13:26

As the kids would say, omfg human! How rude!? No kids means no kids! If you couldn't get a sitter then you should have chosen not to go.

fifi25 · 12/03/2011 13:27

it makes me sad that people have wedding receptions with no kids. If i got an invite without the kids i wouldnt go.

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:27

I would absolutely say something. I would ask the parents and their kids to leave. Better to offend them than ruin my big day.

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 12/03/2011 13:28

No, I would never take DS to a child-free wedding. It would be incredibly rude. If I couldn't get a babysitter or whatever, I just wouldn't go, simple as that.

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2011 13:30

Can you imagine? I am spending the day walking around AIBU going "What. The. Fuck?"

Did your ears not just actually burst into flames, human?

MadameCastafiore · 12/03/2011 13:30

Oh well WKD they can stay away if they can't accept the fact that we don't want ANY kids there eben suckling ones.

I went to a wedding when DD was 4 weeks old, left her for the whole day and she survived - I was breast feeding too so just had to nip off to friends room and express - it really wan't a big issue.

I would say something beforehand Hammy as it would completely ruin my day. My day was a big family occasion with loads of kids as I already had 2 myself - loads of people came without their kids though as they wanted to have a great time without having to keep an eye on a toddler.

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:31

fifi24, it isn't that I don't want kids there, it is just that I can only have 20 people at the wedding. I would rather have the adults only than use up 2 spaces on children. That would mean not inviting a sibling or a friend I've had for 30 years to free up the 2 spaces! I would rather the couple just said they can't come than to bring their kids.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 12/03/2011 13:35

Why does it make you sad fifi ? I had a child free wedding day - it was a 'sophisticated garden party' type thing that was not suitable for kids at all.