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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

454 replies

Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:01

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

OP posts:
fifi25 · 12/03/2011 13:35

Hammy - you asked my opinion and i gave it - no i wouldnt turn up with the kids and i wouldnt go myself. Ive seen quite a few threads with people talking about the kid free weddings and i do think its rather sad as all the weddings ive been to the kids have had a ball. Im not getting at you personally Smile

DebiTheScot · 12/03/2011 13:35

I wouldn't take the kids if they weren't invited. I can understand why some people don't want/can't have children at a wedding and I'd make the most of a child free night out. Mind you logistically it'd be hard for us to get a babysitter for a whole day and night if it was local to where we live (no family near) so we'd maybe have to explain that we could only go to evening bit.

WhatKatieDid · 12/03/2011 13:35

Oh well that's fine, madame, it kind of sounded like you expected them to be there as they had this option of nipping back in your op. I agree, if i felt i couldn't leave baby i wouldn't go and i relish the occasional child free events i get theses days, i'm one of those evil mums who wouldn't bring my child to a wedding even if he was welcome!!!!!!!!!! but we had friends who had a child free wedding, in a different city and then got upset/offended when other friends said they could not go as would mean leaving a totally BF baby who wouldn't take a bottle overnight - not really possible. Childless marrieds to be obvously didn't understand this.

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:37

We do live in a different city to this couple but that makes no difference. If they can't get a babysitter, then don't come. No skin off my nose.

OP posts:
Janefeelsold · 12/03/2011 13:48

Totally stunned that someone would take a child to a wedding that stated no children! Shock
If the option is take your child or don't go then you don't go, surely???

Also stunned that someone would allow their baby to wail through someone's vows. I cannot believe that she didn't get up and take the baby outside. I would have turned around and stared.

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 13:50

OK, here's my defence!!!:

Really good friend's wedding in another country. Dh has an asthma crisis the morning of the wedding, so he's off to local hospital for neb, etc.
I manage to get flights for all of us for that evening, so that we can get back to home. Trouble is, we have to check out of hotel at 10am or pay for another day. We had planned on attending wedding in relays, so that one of us could be with the ds's in the hotel. Changing flights to get home cost me alot, so finances were very tight, and I really wanted to get dh home as his asthma often turns into pneumonia, and would mean staying much longer, so wanted to get away asap.
So basically, I had no where to go, knew no one (who wouldn't be at the wedding) and didn't really know what to do. I didn't have a car, and the flights were at 8pm.
As there were children going to the wedding (the b and g's own, and sibs kids) , I didn't feel that mine would draw much attention.
I didn't get a chance to ask my friend for a special dispensation to attend, as she was obviously busy.
She made me godmother to her 2nd daughter.

valiumredhead · 12/03/2011 13:53

God love you human - what bit of 'no kids' didn't you understand? Grin

With all that going on, I would just not have attended the wedding!

WhatKatieDid · 12/03/2011 13:53

No i agree hammy, that wasn't a dig at you, merely making the point that as long as noone will get offended if you say you can't go if kids not allowed then it's fine to say kids not allowed in my opinion and would be rude to bring them, i agree with all who said that.

am still intrigued as to why you think they will bring them tho?

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:54

human - I still don't think you should've gone. So much time and money goes into organising a wedding and for someone to completely ignore a very clear statement of 'no-children' is shocking to me.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/03/2011 13:56

So you used the wedding as a kind of halfway house? Personally I would have paid for another day in the hotel..you would have done anyway if everything had gone to plan.

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 13:57

I agree that alot of time and money goes into organising a wedding!
However, in my situation, no extra expense or organisation was caused by my family's attendance.

PepsiPopcorn · 12/03/2011 13:58

I don't like child-free weddings. I wouldn't ignore the instruction not to bring children but instead it would make me think twice about whether to attend the wedding.

worraliberty · 12/03/2011 13:58

But Human you said I had no choice, other than not to go

So why didn't you just not go? Confused

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 13:59

worraliberty yes I did use the wedding as a halfway house.
And because I had to pay alot to change the flights, I didn't have enough to cover another day at the hotel.

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 14:01

But human, don't you think there was a reason for the bride & groom to say 'no children'. People don't just put that on invites without thinking. If someone brings someone uninvited, albeit children, it is a type of gatecrashing IMO.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 12/03/2011 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 12/03/2011 14:01

Maybe no extra expense or organisation but you still ignored 'no kids' on the invitation.

I just didn't want kids at my wedding - if I got married now it would probably be with hundreds of kids, but at that time I didn't want to be worried about kids running around in the very lovely house we had borrowed for the wedding. I worked with kids at the time and lacked the ability to switch off when I heard one cry . I just wanted to concentrate on getting married.

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 14:03

It was gatecrashing, but not a huge deal really. They didn't scream or utter a sound during the service, and didn't cost a penny.

Janefeelsold · 12/03/2011 14:05

Mine was child free. I had been to one two years earlier with children running around whilst their parents got drunk and chatted. One child dropped food on the bride's dress and the bride was holding back tears. The mother just came over and said 'sorry about that' and walked off. Shock

If the child had been mine, I'll feel the only decent thing to do would be to pay the £200 dry cleaning bill and I would have offered as much at the time. If you do bring your children you are responsible for them. You can not sit around chatting and hgaving fun whilst they cause havoc.

This particular wedding was in a marquee in a garden and this same mother kept whinging that people were spilling out into the street and leaving the gate open.
If she had spent the whole time supervising her child she would not have needed to worry about open gates. Hmm

Original poster
Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 14:06

I was hoping to get a 100% definately not response to my OP but human has made me realise that there are people out there that are capable of bringing unwanted guests to weddings!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/03/2011 14:06

So it's ok to ignore specific requests as long as you kids don't scream or cost anything?

Imagine if everyone took that view!

Janefeelsold · 12/03/2011 14:07

I think I've been wanting to rant about that mother for 10yrs and it all just came spilling out! Grin

ThierryHenryismyBoyfriend · 12/03/2011 14:08

Human I think that was very disrespectful and I would not invite you anywhere else again!

OP, I would speak to your OH and get him to speak to his BF and tell him NOT to bring the children.

humanoctopus · 12/03/2011 14:10

The wedding I gatecrashed went to had about 8 children there. All were well behaved, couple of wimpers during the service, but as the b and g were parents already, it didn't upset them.
I would never read a 'child free' invitation and think, 'ooh, can't wait to take my kids to that'. But on the day, I just went with my first thought, I really wanted to see my friend get married, and I needed somewhere safe to be until hometime.

Oblomov · 12/03/2011 14:11

Op, you must make sure/confirm with them, prior to the day, that they are not going to bring children. For your own sake , nip this in the bud.

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