Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

[Hammy02]

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

I would never bring my DC's if they weren't invited. WE are going to a wedding in May, DS is invited, he is pageboy, groom is his Godfather, but DD isn't, and so we have made arrangements to accomodate this and as soon as he is not needed then he is being picked up while we enjoy a rare child free night.

Hammy, can you brief someone to keep an eye out and ward them off if the children turn up.

We did have someone turn up with their baby at our reception when the baby was not invited. Luckily we had not gone for a childfree wedding, we just chose to only invite the children of the all day guests (so mainly family with a few close friends) and did not add the children to the invites of the evening guests.

The child who was brought to our ( child free) wedding was brought to the church, screamed through the Mass, then was taken to her Grandparents so the parents could then come to the reception and get pissed.

The mentality of this I have still to figure out 10 years later.

I wouldn't take anyone who isn't invited, child or adult.

OP FWIW do not drop two others guests if they say in advance that they can't get childcare. Simply tell them that you're sorry they won't be able to come but you cannot accommodate their children.

I just don't get people who would bring children if it says no children? It's weird.

Hammy is there a mutual friend you could get to subtly ask the couple a few weeks before if they've got a babysitter?
And do the couple know you've only got 20 coming? Surely even if they might bring kids to a big wedding they wouldn't if they knew how exclusive it was. They should be very grateful to be invited!

My mother got very angry with me when I told her we were inviting children to our wedding, because she understood very well the trade-off in invitations/table-places, and was afraid that some people she wanted invited would be crowded out by the children invited.

Thankfully, we managed to accommodate both, but it is interesting how she instinctively "got" the threat posed by limited places!

Hopefully, you are being "unfair" to these people and they will actually "get" it, too, but just in case not, definitely have someone on standby, or have a "casual" conversation beforehand about numbers.

Humanoctopus - what you did makes sense to me. And I'm sure it made sense to your friend too.

Hammy - just make sure your DH to be has a word with his friend, and makes it clear that the children are not invited because there is seating for 20 adults only. With enought notice they should be able to sort something out, if they have the mind to.

I had a child-free wedding too. Prior family events had kids fobbed off on the grandparents or running wild without parent supervision.

I have attended several weddings without my DC, and enjoyed the break. My family is 40-80 miles away, and I was happy to make that trip for overnight babysitters.
My DC also attended some weddings, and we have lovely time together. Whatever is the bride wishes is fine with me.

I would not take my son to a child free wedding but if that was the case I would not go myself either.

We are a family we come together if you dont want my child you dont get me.

and FIVEGONEMAD they invite you and your son [pageboy] but dont invite your daughter, i would of told them to bog off.

Skimmed because I can't be bothered reading the inevitable hysteria that will have descended by page 3.

Someone did exactly this to my wedding. Had to basically smile sweetly, cry in the bogs (I had incredibly strong reasons for not wanting kids there - when I say I I do mean me and my husband - he was probably stronger on it than I was tbh) and just get through the day because she arrived at such a time that it would have led to an awful scene for us to attempt to turn her away. She's since built on that form by doing the same at a funeral she was requested not to bring her child to (my family's view is quite strong that kids don't come to funerals till secondary school age). Wedding wasn't even short notice - invites went out months ahead of the day (cos I was being a cheap bugger and not doing save the date cards).

I won't forgive her for it - and I forgive most things, but to back someone into a corner like she did was horrific. I'm trying to cut the relationship between me and her off - but with her being a relative it's proving harder to achieve than I'd like.

Some people on here seem to forget that the type of wedding, and who gets to go, is COMPLETELY the choice of those doing the inviting. Human's comment of "it didnt cost any extra" is completely irrelevant and ridiculous.

I am honestly shocked at this. If people cant/dont want to attend without their childrne, then that's fine. I dont think the bride/groom would be spending all day feeling sad that so and so was unable to attend.

I went to a wedding of a close friend of DH (DH was an usher) when DS1 was 8 weeks old and exc. breastfed. I was unhappy about leaving him so young, and was only able to go as MIL lives close to venue and came and got me every 3 hours to feed DS.
I had an awful time and definitely wouldn't have gone if DH hadn't been so close to the Groom.
It did grate that the 'wedding party only' kids were blooody badly behaved, even in church.
It's always left a sour taste in my mouth tbh but there is no way I would have taken DS.I can't believe there are people that do take children when they aren't invited. As much as it offends me I make the decision whether to go or not, whoever invites you lays down the rules surely?

If I was invited to a wedding that stated no children, then no I wouldn't bring my children along anyway, I think that is a really rude and bad mannered thing to do. If someone wants no kids at their wedding then that is entirely up to them.
When I get invited to child free weddings I just think 'whoohoo I can really chill and enjoy myself!'
They should think the same or not bother coming.

No, and I never would. If people choose to not train their nursing baby to also take a bottle, then they do that knowing the restrictions they may experience. If their babysitter cancels, then one of you stays home. There is no excuse or reason acceptable to bring an uninvited person along to an invitation only event, be it wedding or anything else.

I think the only thing you can do OP is actually check what their intentions are. Either you, your DP or another member of the wedding party could do it. I would drop a question into a general wedding discussion, along the lines of 'What are your DC doing on the day? Are they going to friends? Sorry that numbers are so limited.'

I am seriously, seriously shocked that someone took their DC uninvited to a wedding.

I've decided I must have lived a very sheltered life. MN amazes me - and not always in a good way!

I just turned up at the church and sat them in the pew next to me. I had no choice, other than not to go.

Then don't bloody go then! I'm sorry but that is shockingly rude and mightily presumptious of you to just think 'oh sod it, I'll take them along anyway, they won't mind!'
You should have just stayed at home then.

*fifi25 Sat 12-Mar-11 13:27:40

it makes me sad that people have wedding receptions with no kids. If i got an invite without the kids i wouldnt go.*

Why? Some people don't want kids at their wedding, what's wrong with that? I said I didn't want kids at my wedding and OMG the grief I got off aunties and uncles moaning. So (cos I'm soft) changed it to having kids on the understanding that if any cried they got taken out. Not being funny, just wanted
everyone to hear the ceremony!
Toddler cousin screamed, yelled and babbled ALL the way through (which I know is what kids do, it's only natural and normal!) and they just sat there and let him and no-one could hear a word of the vows. Grrr.
So it is entirely up to the bride and groom, and entirely precious of anyone to bleat 'ooh, it's so not fair.' As we say round here, if you don't like it, lump it.
I love my kids to bits but if I got invited to a child free wedding I wouldn't care in the slightest.I'd think enough of my friends to go whether with kids or not.

No I would never attend a childfree wedding with my child. I haven't been to the last 4 weddings we have been invited to as they have all been childfree and we simply haven't got the childcare.

It can be tricky if you don't have family nearby or if (as in our case) the family you do have are already attending the wedding themselves so can't be called upon to babysit.

Dh has been to 2 of the weddings alone and although I was annoyed to be missing a good day/night and seeing friends it would never have crossed my mind to just go anyway.

I've been to both sorts of weddings, and enjoyed both sorts too. Sorting out childcare for three small boys so we could drive from Essex to Yorkshire and back in a day wasn't easy, but we respected the bride and groom's wishes.

When ds1 was a toddler, and I was heavily pregnant with ds2, we all went to the wedding of two of my friends - and ds1 got complimented on how quiet he had been during the ceremony. We had to explain that the reason for this was that he and dh had been in Sainsburys carpark for most of it, because he (ds1, not dh) started being noisy, so dh whipped him straight out. He was a real hit at the reception, though.

Hammy02 If you can't explain this directly to them, why are you inviting them.

If we got an invite with out DD included I would think very carefully before going! I dont like people who dont like my PFB! Simples.

"if people choose not to train their nursing baby to take a bottle"

Hahahahahahahaha! The amount of time and energy that DH and I put into trying to get both my breastfeeding addicts to take a bottle. We finally succeeded with DD1, but didn't with DD2 (probably because we were so shattered that time around). I would have loved to have been able to have left DD2 for more than a few hours, but it wasn't to be.

Having said that, I would never take a child to a child-free wedding, or to any formal occasion where they hadn't been invited. DD1 and DD2 have been to a few funerals, but only as babes-in-arms, and we always sat at the back so that we could whisk them out at the first whimper. These occasions are life-changing ceremonies, and it is important that people can hear what is said.

I've heard a lot of people say that I would change my mind about my child-free wedding when I had children of my own - not a bit of it. It was very important to me that I had a small and intimate wedding, as I was still grieving when we got married. I was very fragile, and we were very concerned that I wouldn't make it through the vows. Children just can't be expected to sit still and quiet in a very small room. It would have ruined it for me if I'd have had children crying or shouting or running around. I needed to concentrate on my vows and the ceremony.

emptyshell - :( What an awful thing to happen to you.

I can sympathise with humans sceniro, if you have gone abroad to be at your friends wedding and then your dh is too ill to care for the kids then if your friend is a real friend she would of course understand. And for what its worth I think some of you have been really harsh on here.

I wouldn't (and haven't in the past) taken my dd to childfree weddings but do feel sad when kids aren't included in celebrations, even if its just a case of them coming later once all the formal stuff is out of the way.

mrsTM My MIL said exactly the same to me about changing my mind about it once I had dc of my own.

Needless to say, I havent!

As I said, we have been invited to an evening do in May and it will be lovely for dh and I to go somewhere on our own shock!! horror!!

AND MIL (who made such a fuss about us not having children at our wedding!) has been telling everyone who will listen that its so hard for the bride as she cant invite everyone she wants to.....yes!!! I know how hard it is you mad old bat!!!!

sigh...

emptyshell Some people think their dc are more important than anything else...even someones wedding day that they have probably spent 2 years planning and saving up for (as in my case)

girlie weddings are boring for children...they are expected to sit still, be quiet and they dont understand whats going on for the most part.

Then when they get tired and fed up grown ups shout at them!!!

Lovely way to spend the day!!!

My ds1 (aged 2 at the time) was terrifed by the sound of church bells and the only family wedding I ever took him to meant that he got so hyterical that dh missed the ceremony and stayed outside with ds1....whats the point????? Made the day very scary and tiring for ds1 and very stressful for dh and I.