Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

[Hammy02]

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

Emptysheel, that is shocking! Mind you, I would hav ecreated the big scene and asked her to leave and I certainly wouldn't hav elet her come to the reception. How unbelievably rude!

I have never met anyone in rl who has a problem with child-free weddings, nevermind someone who actually turns up to one of these weddings with a child. Unbelievable! So rude! Very strange behaviour.

If I am invited to a wedding I am delighted, I can decide myself whether I want to attend or not. I would never be upset with a couple who didn't want dd there. People are so precious and self-important. Your child is not the centre of the universe; it is the bride and groom's day. Madness.

After initially reading the OP I was going to say that of course nobody would take children to a wedding if it was a child-free affair.

I am completely that people consider this to be acceptable and do, in fact do it.

As for the isn't it sad that people want a child free wedding type comments - we're all individuals and what suits me might not suit you. At the end of the day, there are 2 people getting married on that day. It is a very special day for them and their wishes should be respected, no matter what your opinion on the matter might be.

OP - your wedding sounds lovely. I think I'd get your DF to have a word with his friend well in advance, and also nominate someone to sort out the situation if it does arrive - belt and braces!

I think Human's circumstances were really exceptional and I can't imagine a good friend objecting.

However, in the normal run of things no I wouldn't take my child to a child-free wedding. We were invited to a child-free wedding when DS2 was a few months old and exclusively breastfed (and I would like to have seen anyone try to force him to take a bottle!), I let the bride and groom know that of course we respected their wishes but that we would not be able to attend without him. They agreed to us taking him and it wasn't a problem at all.

human I think that is very rude. It wasn't your wedding and there may be other reasons for not inviting children - maybe they can't have kids and didn't want the reminder on their wedding day. What ever the reason - you actions are outrageous!

Having said that Madame I would not have left my newborn with anyone - didn't really like leaving her with inlaws while I had a bath to start with. Suckling babies aren't going to run a mock and if it starts crying they could always take it home. I think you are unreasonable expecting them to leave it at home (unless it's a suckling 3-year-old).

I would never take DD to a child-free occasion. My girlfriend is having a child free party tonight and is having her two LO's left with relatives overnight even. I wish my BIL's wedding was child free because it was a PITA chasing DD at 20 months old around the farm, during the ceremony and waiting for the damn photographer to take the pictures before we were allowed to eat in the humid August afternoon. We were important enough to fly 3000 miles to go to the wedding and spend $6000 in total for it all, but not important enough to be included in the photos; BIL's sister's husbands weren't either. DH was best man but I wished it was child free cause it would have save us loads of money by me and DD not having to go.

Human's decision was reasonable in that they had travelled to another country to attend the wedding and then something off the wall happened. If I had been the bride then i would have been happy to have Human and her children there, given the circumstances. As the bride would you seriously want your good friend missing your wedding after paying and traveling to get there and then having to wander around aimlessly while her husband is in hospital?

i think that i would be quite brazen in your situation, i would contact the couple- very openly and say something like- i hope that it is not putting you to too much trouble arranging a baby sitter- in an ideal world we would have all our friends and kids but as we can only have 20, we have had to make some difficult choices.

and on the question of has anybody ever..... i had a friend whose wedding was child free- clearly stated and everybody knew. a woman that she worked with not only took her 2 young daughters- they were dressed as bridesmaids (because they already had the dresses you see and she the mum thought they looked really sweet in them).

now that is not going to help you sleep well but it does win hands down for sheer cheek

we had a child free wedding and it was great, I think child free weddings are preferable tbh, having dcs there is a PITA for the adults and the children.

We did attend another child free wedding put 2 couples turned up with their toddlers, shoved high chairs between the chairs ruined the whole atmosphere of whatever table they were on, and their parents proceeded to get pissed whilst stumbling round trying to get them to sleep in their buggies late on with the music blaring out. It was horrible. If a "friend" did that to us we wouldn't be friends with them anymore.

We went to a friends wedding with dcs, had to take them as dh was an usher and dd was a flower girl, and I was doing a reading. DS was 2 weeks old at the time, it was shit, never again. Trying to keep an eye on dd whilst having to sneak off somewhere to bf ds so i didn't get stared at and commented on by the brides weird in bred relatives. Not fun.

I've been invited to 2 child-free weddings over the years but as they were some distance away and I was BFing at the time I had to turn them down and not go.

It was a shame as I really would have liked to have gone to both. I looked at all sorts of possible options (other than taking the child against the bride and grooms wishes!) but nothing would've worked.

As a breast feeding mum I've turned down a wedding invite as they had a strict no kids/babies rule. I'd never ever plan to take a child to a toddler/child free wedding except if there was a dire emergency of some form. Thankfully my friends and family are supportive/realistic/sympathetic and would understand if my kids had to attend a wedding. I know my kids wouldn't impact a wedding too much though as they are well behaved and i always have lots of food on me.

At my wedding, one of my relatives brought his wife and kids (all invited) AND a non invited friend of his kids along (in her 20s), because "she likes weddings". He said there's usually a last minute cancellation so she could have that meal, or wait in the bar during the reception. DH and I were speechless. We couldn't possible have done a thing about it without making a scene so we had to put up with it. To add insult to injury, she was in a couple of the wedding photos too. I have never really forgiven the relative.

We had crossed dear friends off the list and rearranged seating plans and paid for it all with our own wages only for a stranger to turn up and enjoy themselves at our expense, and at the expense of friends we couldn't include.

PrincessScrumpy Did you actually read what Human's circumstances were?

When I got married, we invited a couple from abroad and we thought they wouldn't bring the children. However, they turned up with them on the day, but it didn't matter in the slightest, the children were delightful and quiet during the ceremony, and stayed up late (like good continental children) without screaming and crying. I just went with the flow and am so glad I hadn't set on a 'no children' rule which would have then put them in a difficult position (as their childcare fell through) and turned out incredibly well. And it was a small wedding with only about 12 at the evening meal, at somewhere incredibly swanky, but they put extra chairs out, the baby sat on a knee and it was fine.

I would hate to be so rigid over this stuff, I just think a bit of flexibility fitting in with people's lives is preferable unless there is a genuine reason (like you have fertility issues).

You see, MegBusset, I would never dream of contacting a couple and saying, sorry we can't come without the kids. I would just send the rsvp back saying we couldn't come. I think contacting them puts a bit of pressure on them to say oh ok then when they would rather not.

Hi everyone!
I am not incredibly rude, or a fan or disrespecting people.
Just had a shitty set of circumstances on a day.
My friend, the bride didn't have a problem with me, and we are still very good friends.
The OP asked the question of whether one would bring a child to a child free wedding.
I didn't realise that a huge chunk of the responses would end up involving me.
I'm not what the thread is about.
For what its worth, I think that if the OP feels so strongly that this couple will bring kids, and that fact will ruin her day, then she needs to un-invite them.

NestaFiesta - I agree! By responding saying we cant come unless it is with children.. yes you are applying undue pressure.

Skybluepearl, can I believe what you have written : "I'd never ever plan to take a child to a toddler/child free wedding except if there was a dire emergency of some form. Thankfully my friends and family are supportive/realistic/sympathetic and would understand if my kids HAD TO ATTEND A WEDDING. I know my kids WOULDNT IMPACT a wedding too much though as they are well behaved and i always have lots of food on me."

You just dont get it, I think?

I am still a bit confused as to why the OP thinks they are going to bring these children? I think human's circumstances were not exactly normal and while there are a couple of other examples of it, the large majority of people are saying they wouldn't...

Out of interest (and i do agree that if not invited, they shouldn't come, so it is purely interest not criticism) as you've stated that not wanting kids there is purely down to numbers, why would it destroy your day so much if they did bring them? Clearly it would be too late for you to uninvite other guests already there, so it would be down to the parents to find somewhere for there children to be, and that would be out of the room by the sounds of it space-wise....

I suppose I think it would be an unecessary shame if it did happen and it spoilt your day entirely.

gaby hello - if you read my post i said i woulnt take my kids or go myself. I personally dont know anyone whos had a childfree wedding and i cant imagine going to one. Sorry if i have a different opinion but like i stated i would not turn up with my brood of kids, i just wouldnt go at all

"Better to offend them than ruin my big day."

"It is one day in her life and she should be allowed to have what she wants even if that puts other people out."

Sorry, but I really don't like this attitude. People spend money,time and effort to attend your wedding. They are honouring you by attending - you are not doing a massive favour by inviting them. If you want to do exactly what you want, and don't care if anyone likes it, or if it upsets or puts out other people, go get married by yourself. All this, "if people don't like it, they don't have to come" - no, what actually happens is people might not like it but because they like, or love you, they make the effort, and come anyway.

There are circumstances where it is appropriate to have a child free wedding - for example, a friend of mine had a very late in the day wedding, a few of us as witnesses, and then an evening meal in a quiet restaurant. It's not that I don't apprecaite it is personal choice. It's the attitude more than anything.

not necessarily true PigValentine? We invited people to our small wedding. Specified no gifts, because we didnt want people to incur cost (nor did we need anything). Most of them were local anyway. We provided champagne, wine and food and local transport.

I wouldn't deliberately set out to take my children to a child-free wedding but am reluctant to say that I'd never end up doing so because there may be situations where that ultimately ends up arising.

Hammy, if you are worried that these guests will assume that the invitation is extended to their children then it would be wise to be upfront about it. On their invite handwrite: "Thingy and Whatnot are invited blah blah blah" and include clearly (on the front) something along the lines of "under 18s are not included in the invitation so please make alternative arrangements for them on the Xth of X - the venue does not have space to accommodate additional guests".

I dont understand how there would EVER be a situation where there was no alternative but to attned a wedding with your children? Unless you are the bride or groom, and there is some weird situation, then you can stay away and look after your children, surely?

no,just DNA.wouldn't go against express wishes