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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect this doctor to be in some trouble!!

209 replies

stoppinchingthedummy · 24/02/2011 19:44

Evening ...I wont make this too long!

I went to the doctors earlier today with my DS. He has never slept a night through since he was born. He is now almost 5 and its come to breaking point. None of us are getting enough rest and it is seriously affecting his behaviour and concentration!!
Now im pretty he doesnt have ADHD as some people seem all to keen to label him with however i do need some proffesional advice on how to make him sleep.

Please dont anyone say "Just leave him scream" etc etc ..We have a 2 yr old DD who sleeps really well and if he screams he disturbs her!

Ok so long story short got to the doctors and he started with "So he has conjunctivitis,yes this is common in children blah blah" I replied "no thats not why im here im here for some proffesional advice on how to get him sleeping through the night as he has sleep problems" He then got a bit angry and said i should speak to my h/v. I told him they dont want to know now he is at school. So he then banged his hands loudly on the table,grabbed his hair and gritted his teeth!!! He was really angry!! He was shouting that he is a gp and its not his problem and why am i there!! He made me feel like a complete waste of space then said "ill refer him but now YOUR making it medical and i dont like it" so i left!!

Im so so angry but more than that im upset :( it has taken me weeks to make this appointment because im so terrified they will try to label him :( i just want him to be able to sleep so we can at least know if its the lack of sleep that makes his behaviour bad at times :(

AIBU to complain tomorrow and expect the doctor to apologise to me in person??

OP posts:
suzikettles · 24/02/2011 19:46

He sounds quite unhinged. Shock

I do think you should complain, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if there's something going on in his personal life that made him snap today .

Of course, he could just be a complete arse.

Sassybeast · 24/02/2011 19:50

Unbelievable.

ginmakesitallok · 24/02/2011 19:50

His behaviour was unacceptable - but he was right, your HV should be able to give much better advice

maltesers · 24/02/2011 19:54

Complain asap, and IMHO change your GP. This one sounds just awful and most unprofessional. You dont even need to give any reasons for changing to another GP....this one should be struck off.
He may be stressed and have had a really bad day,,,but being a GP he needs to keep the lid on things.
You have every right to be angry and upset.

Speak to a health visitor and ask if there is another professional who you can contact. Maybe someone who is a specialist in this field.
At 5 yrs this is really late to not sleep through the night. You do need help.

For the time being all i can suggest is the best book possible about sleeping through the night and perhaps try to follow Supernanny rules when dealing with this situation. No conversation during the night, or bare minimum , no lights on, and no sleeping in your bed. No high sugar snacks and drinks at bed time. calm, winding down period long before sleep. etc.
Wishing you luck. xx

Bearcat · 24/02/2011 19:56

Very much doubt that doctor will apologise to you in person ( do doctors do that?)
Yes go ahead and complain but not sure what you can really expect.
Maybe he'd had a bad day.
I sometimes think that people think that doctors can cure all their ills and maybe there isn't an answer. People have been lead to expect that there is always is an answer.
He has said he will give you a referral so that is good.
I once had a really shit experience with a old and knackered totally arrogant GP that really upset me at the time, but then got to know some of the younger doctors in the practice that are now middle aged like me. Go as rarely as possible to doctors.
Hope you get some joy with your referral, but don't hold your breath with all the NHS cuts

nickytwotimes · 24/02/2011 19:59

you poor thing. Sad

totally unacceptable way for him to behave!

Original poster
stoppinchingthedummy · 24/02/2011 20:02

Thank you for your advice. We dont have conversation with him in the night ,he wakes ,walks to our bed..gets in we dont even hear him and goes back to sleep!! The doctor we saw is one of the partners at the surgery but we dont have to see him there are 11 doctors there!! I will be writing my complaint tomorrow and giving it to the practice manager. This doctor has known my family for a long time and im terribly dissapointed in his beahviour today. While i was talking to him he wasnt even looking at me he was typing into his computer Hmm

Thanks again for replies.

OP posts:
Grandmasterpudge · 24/02/2011 20:04

Your poor thing, also hugs for your son too if he wasin the same room, would have been scary for a child to see a doctor doing that IYSWIM.

MadameCastafiore · 24/02/2011 20:06

WHy is it an issue if he gets into your bed and you don;t hear him? If you just sleep through him doing that what's wrong?

Sorry but I am not sure what a general practitioner could do for you - you are better off buying a parenting book and taking advice from Jo Frost or the baby whisperer - your son is doing what he is doing because you are letting him - do you expect a magic cure from the GP?

And before I get my head bitten off I am serious - what did you expect him to give you? Or where did you expect to be referred to?

With the NHS stretched to breaking point what on earth did you think you would acheive?

Original poster
stoppinchingthedummy · 24/02/2011 20:07

Yea i know i didnt mention him ...tbh he didnt notice he was too busy moving the little chairs around Hmm

OP posts:
curlymama · 24/02/2011 20:08

Sounds like he was having a really bad day, you don't know what else he could be worrying about at the moment. Especially if you have known him for a long time and this is out of character.

However, he should be proffessional enough to realise that if he is not in a state to be dealing with patients, then he shouldn't be.

Who has he refered you to? A child that does what you describe doesn't sound like one with a medical problem tbh.

Original poster
stoppinchingthedummy · 24/02/2011 20:10

Madame- Its a problem because although we initially dont wake eventually we do from the kicking and tossing and turning - when we attempt to move him he cries out - it isnt healthy for him to be waking and coming in with us . I dont want a magic cure i want someone to help us -he can be reffered to a sleep clinic fyi or even if someone just gives us some tips that work!! Its all very well suggesting supernanny tips - put him back to bed 400 times the first night ..and then who is going to look after the children the next day when im dead on my feet or the night after when i physically can not stay awake ?

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 24/02/2011 20:11

melatonin can be prescribed

a sleep clinic can be referred to

a family at breaking point, a child having problems accessing education too, I'll bet

Good luck OP

Knackeredmother · 24/02/2011 20:11

To be honest his sleep doesn't sound too bad, I think this may be quite normal for his age?
I think your gp is right that a hv may be more qualified and as a doc I can say we receive no training on this kind of thing so any advice you receive from a gp may often be based on their own parenting techniques.
It sounds as though he was having a bad day and if you have had a previous longstanding good relationship with him it seems a shame to end it with an official complaint.
However, he obviously upset you and you clearly didn't feel listened to and this is unacceptable.
I hope you feel less tired soon, I feel your pain.

activate · 24/02/2011 20:12

agree with MadameCastafiore

this isn't medical it's parenting

just put him back in his own bed if you notice him and if not just sleep

bribe him to stay in his own bed

get him a big faced clock and tell him he's not allowed to leave his bed until 7am or whatever and mark it on the clock

think GP was out of order for getting cross but think he had a point tbh - you're trying to make it medical when it isn't

Original poster
stoppinchingthedummy · 24/02/2011 20:13

He has refered us to the family team (who ever they may be) He may have been having a bad day but sometimes we all do and im pretty sure if i dealt with someone who approched me for advice in my job like he did id be in big shit! My ds has always been lively. He doesnt sleep,doesnt eat anything that is "wet" so this is nothing with any sauce,juice etc. Id love for them to say he will grow out of it however i have lots of people around me trying to tell me he might get worse! This doesnt help!

OP posts:
activate · 24/02/2011 20:13

"when we attempt to move him he cries out"

so what? so he wins?

activate · 24/02/2011 20:14

sleep training is exhausting for a short while you just have to steel yourself to do it

Original poster
stoppinchingthedummy · 24/02/2011 20:15

Activate I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE IT MEDICAL! I asked for some advice from a proffesional!! My health visitor wont discuss it because he is at school and no longer under a health visitor.

OP posts:
activate · 24/02/2011 20:15

what do you mean he doesn't sleep - he obviously does because he just wakes up pops himself in your bed falls asleep and tosses and turns to wake you up

that's sleeping isn't it?

sorry i keep seeing more in your posts

MadameCastafiore · 24/02/2011 20:16

We used to have to put DS back to bed that many times a night and it does work - really think you are not being terribly realistic thinking that your problem merits a sleep clinic or melatonin - you need to train your child to go back to his bed or not get up in the first place - that is all that is wrong he is conditioned to come and get in your bed - you really just need to be srtrict and take him back to his bed each time and tell him that he is not to come in with you if he wakes up.

Make his room comfortable, let him have a night light on and do a reward chart but you are seriously expecting a miracle that is not available on the NHS or anywhere and I hope to god you never need to access the part of the NHS I work in where we are counting every penny - then you may see what a rideculous waste of money things like this are to the health service.

Flisspaps · 24/02/2011 20:16

Complain.

Regardless of how bad a day he is having then it's unacceptable for a doctor to speak to a patient like this.

Original poster
stoppinchingthedummy · 24/02/2011 20:16

No he wakes his sister activate! I know we could sleep train we will take a week off and spend a week awake doing it and yes it will be sorted ...Who would like to take care of my dd? :D

OP posts:
curlymama · 24/02/2011 20:16

GP's are not professional at parenting Hmm

activate · 24/02/2011 20:17

you will

like every other parent does

it's the job

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