To think Surestart groups are crap

[Pushmeinthepool]

and to never want to go there again!?

I went to a Surestart group for the first time this morning, with a friend. We normally go to a different toddler group but thought we'd give this one a go.

First of all, the "official" Surestart ladies standing observing all the mums. You just KNOW that they are looking for stuff to feed back to your HV about you.

Secondly, offering useless, unwanted advice to mums that are clearly competent. I know some mums don't give a stuff about their children and need to be told where they're going wrong, but honestly, surely it's able to tell one of those parents from a normal, competent parent?

My friend held her 7 month old baby boy on a rocker type thing, and immediately a do-gooder woman rushed over saying she must use the strap when he's on there. WTF?! She was holding him tightly and would hardly be likely to leave a baby on there unattended.

My 20 month old DS was running around, as kids do, under my watchful eye of course, and another of the SS ladies told me to be careful as he might run into one of the tables at the edge of the room and bump his head. She was about 18, I am a mid-thirties mum of 3. It's obvious that my child is clean, tidy, I wasn't swearing or shouting at him or ignoring him like some parents were to their kids. Surely I don't need to be told something like that. They even watched us all strapping our babies into their buggies at the end of the group.

Anyway, I think SS groups are just to try and catch parents out and for the SS workers to find fodder to tittle tattle to health visitors, so I won't be going again.

Yes all of them are uniformly crap. absolutely. you'll be missed.

Yeah, they're all spies from the benefits office and Social Services.

I wonder if paranoia is something they tittle tattle to HVs about.

I go to one in Southampton and I think it's great. Lots of toys, messy play, painting, books, songs and games, drinks and snacks for the little ones, HVs present for weighing/advice etc. and it's all free. I'm very grateful for it!

YABU

YABVU

If it wasn't for you, don't go again.

And pick your judgey pants out of your arse re; 'other mums don't give a stuff' on your way out

I said some mums don't give a stuff, Glynis, not other mums

And some of them there clearly didn't give a stuff, as their filthy dirty children wandered round drinking squash out of bottles, they sat there on their fat backsides drinking tea and swearing loudly.

I think it's reasonable to judge people like that as being parents who don't give a stuff

sorry,

pick your judgey pants out of your arse re; 'some mums don't give a stuff' on the way out

The one I used to take ds to in London was FANTASTIC. It kept me sane and I met some brilliant people who have turned into great friends.

The 'do gooder' was doing her job and working within guide lines that are set for very good reasons. YABVU

Why am I being a judgey pants for stating the obvious that some mums don't give a stuff. Some don't. And it's usually obvious who those ones are IMO

All these parent and toddler things are awful. So glad I had twins so I only had to go through the horror once

Some groups do contain cleaner children and less sweary parents though - agree with you there.

Valium, what good reasons are there for guidelines that tell experienced, sensible mums how to suck eggs??

YABU

I think they're an excellent resource for parents to meet up and chat. I really value my local centre and the workers are very friendly.

Pmsl yes they are spies, also be careful what you say near reception as we record everything you say

YABU

You went to one toddler group and did not like it. Doesn't mean that they are all crap.

And if they were giving some useful advice to the crap mums who were sitting on their bums drinking tea, then perhaps the lives of the children will improve.

But how do the Official Surestart Ladies know who is an experienced sensible mum and who isn't? Maybe we should have it tattooed on our foreheads or something.

I imagine the staff are told to advise ALL mums to strap their kids into play equipment in case of accidents.

Lovebeingadaddysgirl, it actually wouldn't surprise me if this did happen. I think the judgeypants are the people who work for SS. I resent being spoken to like I'm some thick 14 year old first time mum.

And MmeLindt, I wish the staff had actually spent some time advising the crap mums; I didn't see them being approached at all. The staff were probably scared of them

I think I would find a group that didn't contain filthy children and swearing mums no matter who it was run by tbh.
I'm going to give my local sure start group a go because tbh it can't be any worse than the one at the local church where I was ignored completely for an hour.

So ermm, - you didn't like it then.

I think you'll find it's less to do with HV's - and more to do with Ofsted.

My DS attends a nursery that's recently become "attached" to the SS Children's Centre at the other end of the building - the WHOLE of the centre recently had an Ofsted inspection.

Species, isn't it generally obvious who is a decent parent and who is a chavvy, couldn't give a shit one? My child is clean, tidy, didn't have a nappy full of shit hanging down to his knees, I watched him at the group,interacted with him in non-swear words. Surely a SS staff member doesn't need to be a rocket scientist to work out that I'm a good parent??

also be careful what you say near reception as we record everything you say

Well you jest but the registration form is quite off putting, educational level for example ?

I like my local surestart centre.

Even though sometimes it may seem obvious, they just have a different parenting style.

The thing I get judgy and a but panicky about is when I see mums letting their toddler out of their pushchair and letting them walk/run along the roadside :(. I get so scared for the little darlings, one trip in the wrong direction would be disastrous and devastating!

I think it's the rules, isn't it? You have to say who your health visitor is when you go, and they compile a dossier on whether you strapped your baby in the buggy properly, or swore, and then they can pass it on to the HV who then comes and gives you a very special visit and gives you a Big Telling Off.

They are not fooled for one second, oh no, if the toddlers are 'clean and tidy' - ha, not them! In fact, did you know it's the 'clean and tidy' ones who are the worst for not strapping babies into rockers! Shocking, isn't it?

Yes, all the groups are like that.

Sheesh.

Look OP - you've even annoyed Tiktok now

Pushme - The reason for the mind him and the tables advice is because you may well have seen the tables but a 20mo running around doesn't always see what you do! I know because my 2 year old ran into the corner of a table and knocked herself unconcious - I was watching her and only 3 steps behind her telling her to be careful and she wasn't looking for a table corner, only the toy she was heading towards. I work at a SS centre and am a sensible mum! Should I have reported myself to SS or relied on one of my colleagues to spy and report me instead?