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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Surestart groups are crap

208 replies

Pushmeinthepool · 25/01/2011 17:56

and to never want to go there again!?

I went to a Surestart group for the first time this morning, with a friend. We normally go to a different toddler group but thought we'd give this one a go.

First of all, the "official" Surestart ladies standing observing all the mums. You just KNOW that they are looking for stuff to feed back to your HV about you.

Secondly, offering useless, unwanted advice to mums that are clearly competent. I know some mums don't give a stuff about their children and need to be told where they're going wrong, but honestly, surely it's able to tell one of those parents from a normal, competent parent?

My friend held her 7 month old baby boy on a rocker type thing, and immediately a do-gooder woman rushed over saying she must use the strap when he's on there. WTF?! She was holding him tightly and would hardly be likely to leave a baby on there unattended.

My 20 month old DS was running around, as kids do, under my watchful eye of course, and another of the SS ladies told me to be careful as he might run into one of the tables at the edge of the room and bump his head. She was about 18, I am a mid-thirties mum of 3. It's obvious that my child is clean, tidy, I wasn't swearing or shouting at him or ignoring him like some parents were to their kids. Surely I don't need to be told something like that. They even watched us all strapping our babies into their buggies at the end of the group.

Anyway, I think SS groups are just to try and catch parents out and for the SS workers to find fodder to tittle tattle to health visitors, so I won't be going again.

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 25/01/2011 20:00

Tis a shame they don't hand out free BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit at SureStart!

I think this may be the first time I've used the phrase fuck the Fuckity Fuck off on MN.

I'd give you a Bear too but that's probably too posh for a SureStart user like me to have :o

GMajor7 · 25/01/2011 20:03

I am not conscious of any target demographic at my local SS groups. They attract mums from a wide range of 'classes' and cultures.

All the better for it imo.

FreudianSlippery · 25/01/2011 20:07

On a more serious note I'd class my family as middle class but on 'working class money' IYSWIM - we get a lot of benefits ATM due to DH earning peanuts in a demanding job, while I study my degree.

I honestly don't know how I coped without SureStart before our local one opened! It would have changed my life if it'd arrived earlier when I moved to a new (wealthy) area and was lonely and depressed.

It's bloody fantastic. And it's not just because it's in a decent area - I've been to one in the most deprived part of town, it's much bigger (deservingly so, IMHO) and it's great.

People like me do give a shit about our DCs and want the best, but we can't afford to go all over town to expensive groups, so SureStart is an incredible resource!

In fact I'm going tomorrow. So Ner.

lochnessmumster · 25/01/2011 20:14

Post of the evening thus far has to go to hobgoblin, "flagrent disregard for use of safety straps..." hilarious, that in itself is doing the SS case no good.

mamatomany · 25/01/2011 20:19

flagrent disregard for use of safety straps...

You can take the piss all you like but as a very much younger mum (in my twenties) I had a very posh, expensive pram which DD2 fell out of in the middle of town bumping her head, some parents, myself included at that time need a kick up the bum to strap the baby in.
Needless to say I shat myself and have never forgot to do it since but it could have been a fatal error on my part.

hobbgoblin · 25/01/2011 20:22

Can you explain that lochness? Is adherence to proper use of equipment a bad thing? Surely this kind of thing makes more of a mockery of the whole insurance 'business' or the lawsuit society than SStart or SS?

I'm not sure I understand why you think I have undermined myself with that observation and comment...

hobbgoblin · 25/01/2011 20:23

or maybe it was the 'e' I used in place of an 'a' that did it and outed me as one of the under-educated?

lochnessmumster · 25/01/2011 20:24

Exactly, mamatomany, I will avoid SS having read this thread, if people, no matter how young, need a state funded group to tell them that if they don't strap the baby in to the buggy, the baby will fall out, I don't want to be in the same group as them.

barteringlines · 25/01/2011 20:25

YABU and utterly paranoid if you think that the staff are watching everyone to see what they can report back. I'm sure SS would be interested in so and sosmum who let their child go on a rocker without a strap Hmm. More likely the staff are trying to stop the kids being injured on their watch. Allowing your toddler to run around where there are presumably babies and toys strewn across the floor isn't the best idea in the world.
Our Surestart group is fab. There's always loads of craft activities to do and they get a healthy snack provided which is fresh fruit with breadsticks and cheese and a cup of milk. Much better than the juice and a biscuit you get in most of the groups that charge you for the priviledge.

Original poster
Pushmeinthepool · 25/01/2011 20:26

Lots of you have taken this far too personally.

I didn't say at any point that all Surestart users were bad parents, just that the "advice" dished out by the staff could be focussed on the people that need it. And IMO watching parents strapping their children into a buggy is patronising and unnecessary.

OP posts:
lochnessmumster · 25/01/2011 20:27

No hobgoblin it was that you sounded like a complete pain in the ass, and if SS groups are supported by people like you, I'll be sure to avoid them.
And i know, i won't be missed, blah blah blah.

GMajor7 · 25/01/2011 20:27

Grrr! Like I said v. broad range of people attending these groups. Some do need guidance on the basics i.e. straps, whereas others do not.

lochness you're assuming the worst. Just not true.

Original poster
Pushmeinthepool · 25/01/2011 20:27

Barteringlines, the group was held in a large school hall and there were no babies lying on the floor. How do you suggest I stop a toddler running around? If I had tried to stop him he would have screamed blue murder as funnily enough he likes having his own way, as do most toddlers. Then I would have faced the stony stares of the SS staff as my son was screaming

OP posts:
mamatomany · 25/01/2011 20:27

It's not a case of needing a state funded group to tell you anything but when sleep deprived and having 2 children under 2 which I had at the time people make mistakes, you are lying if you are telling me you haven't made at least one serious mistake with your child which you may well have got away with.
It doesn't hurt to have a reminder, maybe if i'd been to sure start earlier that day I would have strapped DD2 into the pram.

TheSecondComing · 25/01/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 25/01/2011 20:31

Well OP, sweeping statements aside you are wrong because our SureStart Centre is bloody brilliant (oops I swore, never mind the children are long in bed).

Ours has an outstanding nursery and pre-school, parenting support, Portage, Family Link Workers, educational and training support, jobseekers and benefits advice, as well as being a local centre of excellence for supporting and educating children with special needs.

So yeah, ALL SureStart groups are crap...

lochnessmumster · 25/01/2011 20:32

I can honestly say that i am far from a perfect parent but niether do i need SS staff giving out patronising advice, such as "stap baby in".
If people need that level of guidance then i wish them well at their SS sessions.
Making mistakes ia all part of life and parenting.

barteringlines · 25/01/2011 20:35

I don't know how I would stop your toddler running around but I do know how I would stop mine - it depends how old they are. How do you usually control them when there's hazards around?
Maybe the staff at your local SS centre could offer you some tips Grin

hobbgoblin · 25/01/2011 20:35

lochness having read your most recent response above I see you have taken my comment out of context as I suspected.

Maybe that is the crux of the issue. SureStart centres exist in the context of abuse and neglect that occurs across every class group, in every area. It isn't limited to any particular type of family. Abuse and neglect form a scale on which any one of us could find ourselves at any point in our lives. Our children do not need to be starving or sodomised to require support. Indeed, the children and families where this is the case require support and usually protection beyond the realms of SureStart sessions. However, without contact with the communities these agencies serve then there are no reference points, there is no communication and there is nowhere to turn when a child or parent or concerned individual becomes aware that things are going wrong.

Child support and protection is tiered and includes a preventative and early intervention level. Without this level of regulated community involvement then we will not know about a child's needs (if they are under the age of 5) until they are at school at which point much time has been lost, much damage done.

Original poster
Pushmeinthepool · 25/01/2011 20:35

Well said Lochnessmummy, I agree.

Too many people are getting their knickers in a twist on this thread

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushmeinthepool · 25/01/2011 20:37

Well I would put him in his buggy Bartering, but I could hardly do that in a hall full of toys and just make him sit there, he'd bawl the bloody place down. And it was hardly a hall full of hazards; as I said before, it was a large hall and there wasn't anything on the floor to trip over.

OP posts:
sungirltan · 25/01/2011 20:37

pushmeinthepool.
you are a fool if you think only scruffy kids are on the register and clean, tidy children have perfect lives.

i'm a social worker so don't tell me i don't know. however you probably think you know better so have a look at the 'but we took you to stately homes' thread for corroborating evidence.

has it occuured to you that the staff knew lots of the parents already so left them to it. perhaps they were just trying to be helpful/cyb because you were new?

why did you even go - was it a tourism venture?

incidentally were you the mum who threw out the chocolates given to you by the alleged sex worker? if not it soundsl ike you'd get on.

hobbgoblin · 25/01/2011 20:38

fgs, I said proper use of straps would be an insurance issue. Hello???????????????!

lochnessmumster · 25/01/2011 20:39

Anyhoo, I'm off to bed.Don't have strong feelings either way on SS groups. Have had fun though.
Try not to get too worked up hobgob you gobby goblin you.Each to thei own and all that.
Sleep tight.

Original poster
Pushmeinthepool · 25/01/2011 20:40

Sungirltan, I can't believe you are a Social Worker yet you don't even realise that sentences need a capital letter at the start....

I hope you are less insulting and less personal to the people that you deal with through your job.

OP posts: