To think Surestart groups are crap

[Pushmeinthepool]

and to never want to go there again!?

I went to a Surestart group for the first time this morning, with a friend. We normally go to a different toddler group but thought we'd give this one a go.

First of all, the "official" Surestart ladies standing observing all the mums. You just KNOW that they are looking for stuff to feed back to your HV about you.

Secondly, offering useless, unwanted advice to mums that are clearly competent. I know some mums don't give a stuff about their children and need to be told where they're going wrong, but honestly, surely it's able to tell one of those parents from a normal, competent parent?

My friend held her 7 month old baby boy on a rocker type thing, and immediately a do-gooder woman rushed over saying she must use the strap when he's on there. WTF?! She was holding him tightly and would hardly be likely to leave a baby on there unattended.

My 20 month old DS was running around, as kids do, under my watchful eye of course, and another of the SS ladies told me to be careful as he might run into one of the tables at the edge of the room and bump his head. She was about 18, I am a mid-thirties mum of 3. It's obvious that my child is clean, tidy, I wasn't swearing or shouting at him or ignoring him like some parents were to their kids. Surely I don't need to be told something like that. They even watched us all strapping our babies into their buggies at the end of the group.

Anyway, I think SS groups are just to try and catch parents out and for the SS workers to find fodder to tittle tattle to health visitors, so I won't be going again.

good point pag.

I think swearing is a complex subject.

I think using the odd swear word as an exclamation of surprise in front of your children isn't something to get worked up about. I think swearing can be cultural and I've lived in areas where it's part of the vernacular and not something that denotes parenting skill.

I think swearing at anyone/calling people derogatory names like chav is to be frowned upon and something that a surestart worker could hopefully have discreet chats with parents about. So discreet in fact that a judgemental busybody would have no idea that this advice was taking place.

I think that when I had 3 kids under 3 I was to be congratulated on the fact I'd got out of the house, I really hope no one was inspecting their babygros/tshirts because they would have found snot/food and mud and some of it would have been wiped on me as well.

I think changing a child's nappy is something that some people need advice on and it's brilliant that surestart centres exist to help people with that kind of thing.

I

I'm quite amazed that given it wasn't even held in the centre.......and that she only attended one group she can judged the entire centre and staff from one group...........

You are a silly bloody woman who has no comprehension of pretty much anything (probably) if you think the cleanliness and tidiness says anything consistent about the welfare of children or parenting capability of the parent.

Have you also considered that there are insurance issues with knowingly allowing attendees to use equipment in a way which contravenes the guidelines for its safe use.

Just who do you think you are to judge by solely your own needs and expectations? There are other people there, from staff to parents to children and your actions need to be mindful of each of these. Flagrant disregard for use of safety straps is an example of a total lack of respect for the environment and its inhabitants.

Don't worry, the worst they'll have you down for is NPD given your 'know it all' arrogance. Unlikely as it is this would require intevention from SS or HV (despite your sheer paranoia) I am sure they felt for your child given your parental attitude.

The thing is, it's parents who are complacent who find themselves in the most trouble when things go wrong (as they do for the best of us) because they have lacked the emapthy to be able to identify with situations as they have experienced them through others' eyes and instead criticised. It is these parents who struggle to seek out help when they need it because they are flagellating themselves with their own pride.

Maybe they warned you about your DS and his proximity to the table as, if he had run into it and hurt himself, they thought you might have sued them?

I loved our Sure Start Centre, the lovely wooden toys I'd only seen in nice catalogues that everyone got to play with.

I've got a posh coat from pre children, DD's got a snot encrusted face, occasionally I swear when encountering a real stinky nappy OP what would you think of me?

Having kids is a great leveller and I like smiling and saying hello to the 'chav' mums, the Dr's wife who had PND and the teenage daughter of our postman who got caught first time.

'they sat on their fat backsides'... Is it only size 10 backsides that make for good parenting then?

Of course they're crap - they're State-funded...seeking to squeeze out private groups.

Then again, how else could Labour have royally fucked up our economy without spraying money about so wildly?

They patronise decent mums, are beyond the reach of crap ones and create non-jobs for people who want to feel self-important and officious.

As for the inter-female bitchiness - a "misogynist" is a man who hates women almost as much as women do!

Oh pascoe - always a pleasure. have another

- you obviously have very very little idea what actually SS's do then.......

Perhaps you should pay the actually Centre a visit, ask for a list of their courses, the services they provide, and their regular groups.

pascoe - you talk and all I hear is blah blah blah

You must live in a really crap area if you were the only, ahem, competent mother there and there were filthy children running about the place. The one in my area is fab [smug].

YABU, and paranoid too.

Oh no, I can't be a decent Mum then, as I never feel patronised at mine. Bugger.

Can't believe that people are so quick to say that SS is for bad parents. It is not, it is for parents who would like support, or who feel isolated, or who need information and advice.

Labelling SS in this way is only likely to deter people from seeking the support that is there for them - "I can't go to SS, because only bad parents go to SS and I don't want people to think I'm a bad parent."

Our local surestart centres are truly wonderful. They are run by huge-hearted and highly competent people on limited budgets and they never cease to amaze me with their ingenuity. They are there to help struggling parents cope with the early years. If that means being slightly overkill, then so be it. I think YABU.

actually our SS centre has already felt the pinch - they've stopped their "Family Support Workers are available at any time" and now only have set times in the week you can see them (unless I guess you make a specific request).

Hafta say, this thread is pretty amusing :)

I was a teensy bit cross with the OP (someone implied it's difficult to make me cross - not true, but never mind :) ), but I am more scoffing and scornful than cross and subsquent posts have raised my scoffo-meter even more.

I've always held the belief that while resources are scant, and there is a risk that the nice middle class parents can overtake such sessions, attendance by those from all areas/social class is to be welcomed in order to de-stigmatise SureStart support.

Baroqueetc - I know what SSs do - having visited out local one and being treated like a leper...couldn't work out whether that was because I was a bloke or middle-class.

The main thing they do is suck taxes out of me for no good end.

pirarabbit - I certainly don't think it's for bad parents. I actually think there aren't as many "bad" parents as people like to think. Most of these "bad" parents are actually parents who are going through a crisis, or as you say isolated, etc.

I wasn't a bad parent while I was will a few years ago - though from the outside (if people could have looked into my home - as I hid it from the outside world)it woould have looked that way. I was a struggling parent.

No you obviously don't - you visited on group that wasn't even in the centre.

What services do they offer at your local centre, what type of workers do they employ. What do Family Support Workers do? What type of courses are they currently offering. What other groups do they do for specific groups of people??