To think Surestart groups are crap

[Pushmeinthepool]

and to never want to go there again!?

I went to a Surestart group for the first time this morning, with a friend. We normally go to a different toddler group but thought we'd give this one a go.

First of all, the "official" Surestart ladies standing observing all the mums. You just KNOW that they are looking for stuff to feed back to your HV about you.

Secondly, offering useless, unwanted advice to mums that are clearly competent. I know some mums don't give a stuff about their children and need to be told where they're going wrong, but honestly, surely it's able to tell one of those parents from a normal, competent parent?

My friend held her 7 month old baby boy on a rocker type thing, and immediately a do-gooder woman rushed over saying she must use the strap when he's on there. WTF?! She was holding him tightly and would hardly be likely to leave a baby on there unattended.

My 20 month old DS was running around, as kids do, under my watchful eye of course, and another of the SS ladies told me to be careful as he might run into one of the tables at the edge of the room and bump his head. She was about 18, I am a mid-thirties mum of 3. It's obvious that my child is clean, tidy, I wasn't swearing or shouting at him or ignoring him like some parents were to their kids. Surely I don't need to be told something like that. They even watched us all strapping our babies into their buggies at the end of the group.

Anyway, I think SS groups are just to try and catch parents out and for the SS workers to find fodder to tittle tattle to health visitors, so I won't be going again.

Good grief! I was hoping that Mamatomany was joking.

Wasn't the idea behind surestart that it was set up to help parents who couldn't access resources and/or needed parenting advice/help.
If you don't fit into those categories, but want to go to socialise/because it's free/because it's handy, then I think it's unreasonable to expect to be left alone like you would be at a church hall group run by unqualified volunteers.
Just because your child happens to be clean and you don't swear(since when was that a marker for good parenting?) doesn't mean the workers can assume you didn't come for help/advice/aren't desperate for some support.

is there a smug level? I think the op should have ticked that box

If they have a high number of people with a high level of education coming to their centre they, for example, probably won't have the need to run something like an Access to Computers/Internet type course, or a "reading with your children" one. As statistically speaking parents with a high level of education will already be able to do these things.

I think swearing is very much a marker for good parenting, defineme. Especially people that swear at their child. Surely you don't think it's acceptable?

exactly defineme. I would add that I did go to a church-run one and it was lovely - they seemed to be able to spot mature, well-dressed non-sweary sorts like me who were struggling with PND and needed a chat

Although I do agree swearing at your child is not good parenting

Usualsuspect, I am actually quite happy to be smug. I do look down on dirty, chavvy parents that are dragging their children up. What hope is there for those children to grow up into decent adults?

My local surestart centre is great, loads of free groups, good resources, most of the parents there are friendly. The staff are not judgemental. Some seem a little insecure/inexperienced and tend to stand around rather than getting involved. Others will play with the kids and happily watch your baby/toddler while you nip to the loo.

YABVU to judge ALL SS centres based on one session. Just as ridiculous as saying all schools are crap or all libraries are crap.

i'm wondering if the parents were swearing at the OP in hope she didn't come back?

Honestly, have a word with yourself.

All parents need to have activities to take their DCs too, not just ones in nice clothes who never shit their pants in public

But your OP is all about the terrible do-gooders at the Sure Start centre that you went to once, and then proceeded to make vast generalisations about. I think you've put people's backs up a bit

OP Sure start centers are not for the likes of you, perfect parents should not be attending surestart and using up services that are obviously badly needed by bad parents.
If you think that the majority of parents fit the 'good parent' stereotype then you are at best naive, and at worst a snob.
By being there with your immaculate children you are damaging the confidence of these poor people and should therefore never go again.

If you don't like it, don't go!! Don't go slagging people off in AIBU unless you are stupid.

I love surestart, go most days, but then I live in a nice middle class area with 'nice' children

MY FIRST ONE!!

grr
be grateful you are lucky!

Okay Pozzled, maybe I should have titled the thread "My experience with Sure Start so far has been crap"

I wasn't aware SS is free, lots of you are mentioning that it is. The session I attended today was £1.50 per family, with no drinks or snacks included. It wasn't held in a SS centre though, but was in a school hall instead.

Well maybe leave the sure start centres for them then ,as you clearly don't need their services

but I have never seen these dreadful parents at any SS centre

Anway - the SS ladies will sure to be feeding back sweary shitty stories to the HV of the rubbish parents, if they are going to feedback about you, so it'll be even stevens

"What hope is there for those children to grow into decent adults...."

God I don't know. Maybe if there was somewhere they could go with their children where they could access support and have a chance to mix with other parents and health visitors and the like.........

Oh. Hang on.......

Those of you that are getting defensive, do you honestly never notice the type of parent that I'm talking about, anywhere?

Pagwatch, do you truly believe that going to a SS group once or twice a week will change the whole outlook for children that are being dragged up?

kill them

I go into a SS centre 4 days a week to pick up dS3........I can't say I've ever seen these dreadful parents coming and going either - and most of the morning groups finish at the same time as the morning nursery session so we all leave the building from the same point each day.......

I sometimes pop down to the family kitchen after dropping him off and grab myself a cup of coffee and a slice of toast too. Usually a few mum's down there and it's nice to have a bit of company before I come back home on my own.

I will say though that you can' "look" at a parent/child and decide from how well they are dressed/how well you think they are parenting whether they need support or not.

Oh no - I hid it for a very long time how much help I needed as I was always well dressed, my children were clean, had clean clothes, being out of the house with them reduced my stress (though it was hard to find the motivation to get out of the house) so I managed to speak to them in a nicer way.

So they no-one could see the state of my house, hear me losing it and swearing at home, hitting the brandy the second I got home.

No that was well hidden as I put on a good front. I was at absolute breaking point before anyone found out how bad things were.

Looks were very deceptive.........

Equally now I'm much better, my house isn't quite so messy, my children often go out with their breakfast/lunch/dinner down their front, I often forgot to brush my hair when I leave and we all look like we've been dragged through a hedge backwards when we leave the house some days. However, my MH is fine now, and I no longer drink, and I don't lose it at my boys because I'm in such a state,

I guess from the outside we look like a right sorry state

I have had varying experiences of surestart centres, i think they are all 'branded' as surestart but in reality are totally seperate entities.

The best ones had lovely groups, used all the expensive wooden toys and taught the kids songs and games.

The crap ones made you drink coffee out of sippy cups and had 'overbearing' staff, had all the expensive lovely equipment packed away as very few people came-mainly because the groups seemed to be some sort of secret and werent advertised at all, the times always changing and it was impossible to find out when anything was running

Maybe try a different centre

I suspect that any parent who is trying to access surestart has an intrinsic desire to do well by their children and, regardless of the skills they currently possess , they will improve.

I have much more hope for the willing attending parent who has few skills but wishes to learn, than I do for a smug parent who thinks they know it all.

You do realise that most of the SS workers won't even know who your HV is? Or any of the details on your registration form. The only time that information would be used is if they felt that you needed extra support, and even then - unless they had child protection concerns they would talk about it with you first.

Those registration forms are subject to the same data protection information as the forms you fill in for the schools, and anywhere else that needs forms filled in. They are not on general display - in fact I think most of it goes out of the centre to be number crunched.

We get that you don't want to associate with the kind of person you assume the people at this group were.

But your OP slagged off the centre and the staff, with very little reason, that I could see.