to think this is really wrong

[orator]

I've got a friend who has 2 DS's and her H is sailing obsessed. Nearly every weekend in the spring/summer they take them down to Wales where they have a caravan and a boat and they go sailing. The kids don't really like it particulary the youngest but they are made to do it regardless. She says that the husband works hard and that his wages pay for their education (they go to private school) and so he deserves to pursue his hobby.
AIBU to think this is really wrong or do you agree with her

yabu
i am sure they get to have fun too

I don't think the fact that he (they) pay for them to go to private school is either here or there tbh.

As a child you do the things your parents like doing, it is just how it is. I got dragged round mouldy old castles in France every holiday for years, with the result that I now rather like going round mouldy old castles!

If he buggered off and sailed on his own most weekends leaving your friend with the children then that would be highly unreasonable of him, but he isn't, it is family time and therefore perfectly acceptable IMO.

Presumably they do other fun stuff at the weekend? How old are the children?

I expect they will come to love it. They must get something out of weekends in a caravan in Wales. If they don't come to love it I expect they can stay on shore as they get older.

As far as I know all they do is go sailing. The children are 7 and 9 but I just think its unfair that they are made to go away for 100 miles every weekend to do something that they don't particulary want to.

I brainwashed encouraged mine to like skiing when they were small. They weren't keen, but came to love it-and be good skiers.
I think it happens in most families-even with the parents-I hate football but have spent hours in the rain supporting.

I agree with her. What a wonderful family activity - they will come to love it.

Unless they're teenagers now and then she isn't being unreasonable as frankly if they don't love it by then they shouldn't be forced.

I still hate fishing and weeding allotments so continual exposure didn't work for me.
That's family life though.

I do think children need to accept that they sometimes have to do things they aren't keen on because someone else likes it. But practically every weekend sounds a bit much.

I would imagine the alternative is that DH goes on his own-not one I would fancy. If you can't beat them join them.

'nearly' every weekend in spring summer is probably ok so long as they get to do activities they like on the other weekends and other times of year. The sailing season in the UK isn't exactly that long and in reality they can't be doing nothing but sailing because sometimes there will be no wind and sometimes there will be too much!

YANBU , why subject them to it every weekend? Why is it always what he wants? Part of being a parent is being subjected to your offsprings interests

I dont think its the end of the world that the children get to do something they don't particularly enjoy ... parents are people too and have the right to pursue their hobbies. As someone else said, if he went and did it but didn't include the family we'd probably be calling him selfish.

This could have been me and my brother we were also dragged off sailing and the expensive of our school fees was used as an excuse as to why we should accomadate my parents wishes. I absolutely hated it and so did my brother but they never listened and we were forced to go regardless. I have a lot of resentment towards my parents for it even now as they firmly put their own interests and hobbies ahead of what their son and daughter wanted.

'Nearly every weekend in the spring/summer' means, in practice, about a third of the year.

I think it's fine for children do what their parents want to do for one-third of their weekends.

YABU. Good, fresh air for the kids, family time and sailing's fantastic.

Better than sitting at home whole weekend in front of TV.

What about your friend? Is it what she wants to do too? Tbh if it is only the husband (out of 4 people who are going) that enjoys it, then I think it's a bit much. If the wife and older child enjoy it, it's not so bad, but a bit tough on the youngest one if they really hate it.

Think it depends partly on the sort of kids they are too. If they are generally outdoorsy, but just not that keen on sailing, then it's not too bad. If they are like my sister was (a complete studious bookworm, who hated any sort of outdoors/activity type thing) it would be harder.

But winnybella you might think sailing's fantastic. My dh would love it. Ds would think it was ok but not brilliant. I would think it just about tolerable. My sister would absolutely hate it. People are all different.

Ahaha! This was my whole childhood. Every weekened from birth spent in a boatyard or on a boat due to my dad's hobby. I loathed every moment of it, had no friends and grew up miserable. To this day the smell of the sea brings me out in a sweat. My mum now thinks she should have had her head examimed to allow it.

Part of growing up is spending at least someof your childhood doing things that are not particularly interesting to you but which interest your parents. As long as there is room for compromise (eg if one of the DC was invited to a friend's birthday party one weekend, the family would stay home so the DC could go to the party) then it's not wrong in the least.
Mind you, OP, what exactly has it got to do with you?

I had to do loads of stuff I hated as a kid, hill walking, piano lessons, traipsing round garden centres. I seem to rememebr when I was a kid (70s/80s) that been a kid meant you did what your parents were doing and liked it or lumped it. Life didn't revolve around kids as much as it does now. It didn't kill me.

They're spending time as a family doing something healthy. I'm sure it will probably die off once they're teenagers but I think young kids have to suck this sort of thing up.

Luckily for DD I love shopping and watching TV and campervan trips, I've trained her well and she's a girl after my own heart.

I agree that compromise is the key - so some weekends sailing (to suit the husband) and some weekends doing other things (to suit the kids) and some weekends doing what the wife wants to do.

YABU. There would be calls for the poor man's head if he went off alone each weekend to indulge a hoobby.

Besides, since when did the world revolve around what children want? Must the parents give up things just because PFB doesn't like it?

I think my problem is they are both in school from 8-5 during the week and are dragged off to wales every weekend during the summer.

SGB - quite. I've been wondering why the OP has got herself all worked up about it.

It is only for part of the year, so it isn't every weekend at all.