to think this is really wrong

[orator]

I've got a friend who has 2 DS's and her H is sailing obsessed. Nearly every weekend in the spring/summer they take them down to Wales where they have a caravan and a boat and they go sailing. The kids don't really like it particulary the youngest but they are made to do it regardless. She says that the husband works hard and that his wages pay for their education (they go to private school) and so he deserves to pursue his hobby.
AIBU to think this is really wrong or do you agree with her

Does your friend describe it as 'dragged off' or is that your interpretation?

SoMuchToBits- sure, if the wife and the kids hate it, then fair enough. But if both parents enjoy it, then I still think kids need to lump it- with the provision as SGB said that if something important for the kids like a party etc comes up, the parents are willing to forego the weekend.

We don't know enough from the OP, really.

The key is for the DH to get friends who do it too. We used to go sailing like that as a DC but more for a half term holiday. My father, the keen one, used to sail everyday and we could have a sail or just mooch around on the seashore. I enjoyed it but didn't sail a lot.

She doesn't describe it as dragged off but she says she knows that the dcs don't like it

I think it does the DCs good to have to put parents hobbies first sometimes and not have everything revolve around them.

Wow, poor kids. Must be awful to be so priviliged. Life sure is tough!

I will reserve my sympathies for children who are dealt a slightly shittier hand in life.

Chill out OP I'm sure they'll get through it somehow :)

Oh dear, I far this is exactly waht we do- albeit with a very different hobby

DH usually takes one child with him, maybe one weekend in three of the year but concentrated late spring- autumn

From Sept - Nov we spend an evening a week doing the hobby; more for 2 weeks. This bit involves me as well and both older DC; younger two go to mum's, the NT one of those will get involved when old enough.

We flex around parties, make sure they do plenty of other things that they want- drum lessons, rugby etc.

They whinge about ti sometimes but because of what it is it's either / or and you let a lot of people down if you back out suddenly.

They are free not to participate when they are old enough to care for themselves- and I guess one of the 2 will choose that. DS3 can;t becuase it stressed him due to his ASD so of course we manage around his needs. DS1 has soem severe behavioural isues and as a result of them I cannot work, we lost most friends etc- yet this is adults so he can be part of a social group and importantly also i;ve gone from totally isolated depressive to someone who has a bit of a life. And I suspect that makes me a better parent in turn. They also have to travel a fair way so get 1-1 time with their Dad in down season.

This sounds scarily like my childhood, my dad is totally obsessed with boats so the whole family had to bow to his wishes so we spent most weekends in boatyards, boat shops or on a boat. I hated it and my mum knew but she did nothing and my dad wasn't to be upset because he did so much for me.
Yes I'm still bitter about this at 29.

I think that sounds great - the family spend a good amount of time together. That's the main thing.

He could be a miserable golf bore who spends all the time away from his family.

I think to spend 1/3 of your weekends on a family activity is fine.

GetOrf- quite

My friend's DH spends a day a weekend on the golf course, gym three times a week, full time worker, trains and runs for marathons, runs a football club on a Saturday....

I was going to say maryz that, even if they hate it, it beats the supermarket or shopping centre! I can't imagine any adults getting much sympathy if the worst they can say about their childhood was they were forced to spend weekends in a caravan and time sailing! Most people would be jealous.

Yanbu, I think family hobbies should be something that everyone can enjoy. I'm not saying he shouldn't do it but perhaps compromise?

I think its apalling the children are having to endure something that they don't like for several weekends a year just to accomadate their fathers wishes and this is excused by the fact they are sent to private school.

caravan in wales all summer - sounds great. what's not to like? presumably they're not physically forced to sail all day every day? there will be playing and reading and chatting and eating and well, everything any family does all weekend...

YANBU I got dragged around and was forced to do my parents hobbies irrespective of the fact that me and my sister both hated them. It has had a big negative effect on our relationship and my sister won't let them have her son because she doesn't feel that they are sensitive to a childs needs.

YANBU but I suspect this happens a lot

A great shame tundra-it probably missed a generation and your nephew may take after them and would adore it-as an adult he will say how mean his parents were to stop him spending time with his 'cool' grandparents.

YANBU I was also a victim of my parents sailing obsession and hated every single minute. I once tried to talk to my mum about it and was told that I was a brat and that I should do it to keep my father happy.

I hate my parents for it and it has meant that we're not close at all.

when they grow up, the DC will appreciate the memories. I am jealous!

YANBU I think its horrific and the use of the school fees as a stick to hit the kids with is bordering on being abusive.

It doesn't say that school fees have been mentioned to the DCs. It merely says that the wife thinks that if the DCs are getting a wonderful education (I bet they get the chance of sport, music etc etc) then the DH should get some fun too.

Well my father played cricket for a local team. Every weekend throughout the summer we had to go with him to cricket. I remember it as every Saturday and every Sunday but realistically it was probably just Sunday afternoons.

Me and my brother used to moan like mad about having to go but we usually met up with the other cricketers' children, and spent the bulk of those afternoons doing our own thing. (The mums all sat together "watching" the game and having a chat). Thinking back it was a great way to spend a Sunday- in fields/ woods/ cornfields, sliding down rollers. And the cricket teas were always something special.

What they do is their business, not yours. YABVU esp as the mother in this family doesn't have a problem with it.