to think this is really wrong

[orator]

I've got a friend who has 2 DS's and her H is sailing obsessed. Nearly every weekend in the spring/summer they take them down to Wales where they have a caravan and a boat and they go sailing. The kids don't really like it particulary the youngest but they are made to do it regardless. She says that the husband works hard and that his wages pay for their education (they go to private school) and so he deserves to pursue his hobby.
AIBU to think this is really wrong or do you agree with her

I think they will find that the grandchildren seek them out when older and they all have a moan about parents who don't like boats!

There must be larger problems if you don't get on with your parents. Those who are estranged from their own parents seem to be so sure that they have 'got it right' as parents-their own DCs might not think so!

I used to be a climber. But a lot of the really world famous ones are the children of climbers/guides/outdoor enthusiasts who got their start from the get go. Tom Ballard, Francois Legrand, Tommy Caldwell and Topher Donahue spring to mind.

It's not a given the kids will hate the parents forever for taking them along to do hobbies.

Actually Maryz, I know a family like you describe. The parents HE and travel a total of 5 months a year, most of it in France and Spain (some of it at a 5 star resort). Sounds great, but... I think the kids aren't entirely thrilled about so much travel. They have trouble making and keeping friends, they miss their pets, they sound very Enid Blyton when they talk (cute and mature, but I think they don't easily relate to peers). They do few clubs or activities because the parents don't want to pay for missed sessions. The dad complains about our dysfunctional society because he barely knows his neighbours, but I think... "You're barely here to make relationships." The kids don't complain, they are used to this lifestyle; they don't know anything else. One of the teenage offspring has lots of criticisms of how he was raised, the parents consider this evidence of other bad influences in his life, they can't believe their children might not be reaping full benefits of so much travel.

I'm sure it's a fine way to grow up, but it's not all benefits.

I would not have started this this AIBU, but I can understand OP's discomfort.

I am taking my children abroad to stay with family in summer. Rather than stuck in a council flat with no garden, no money, usually no car (in a rural area) and usually bad weather.

V. splashing around in my sister's pool, going to daycamps and the beach, and getting spoiled by everyone in the family.

So far no complaints.

They were bored out of their minds last summer.

Trust me there is nothing fun about being forced to participate in activities just because your parents like them or want you to do them. What good are these experiences or activities if you look back at them with dread.

OP do you feel he same about children and

school

doctors

dentists

etc.

YABU

My very last word is that some people are mismatched with their DCs-do not be so sure that your own DCs will be impressed with you!
'One man's meat is another man's poison' and, if this thread has shown nothing else, it has shown that many DCs don't take after their parents-yours are just as likely to be mismatched!! They will judge you and may well find you wanting-in exactly the same way you judge your parents.It is down to luck if you like the same.

Can't quite see what paying for the private school has got to do with this.

The kids will rebel soon enough, if they really don't like it.

Wierd. OP is this about you? Why are you bothering otherwise?

I suspect that the OP might be the mother actually not a "friend"

Hmmm yes

I wonder if OP will come back.

OP?

i recall spending most saturdays in shops on slough high street. sailing in wales sounds like a nicer childhood tbh!

This sounds like me when I was growing up! My parents were v.keen sailors, every bloomin weekend during the season we'd be dragged off somewhere when they were racing, and later on they got a cruising boat so we'd be made to drag along ... actually although my sis and I disliked the sailing, we got to spend lots of time outdoors, roaming about independently with our dog and other unfortunate kids and later on the advantage of belonging to a sailing club was social events and lots of boys!

What I don't understand is why they all have to go along though? If the mum thinks they don't like it why doesn't she stay behind with the kids?

expatinscotland, about kids of parents who have interests/hobbies being good at them, I've noticed this too.

Kids who are 3, or 5, or whatever, often don't have strong preferences about what they want to do, and their parents start them on hobbies, often their own. So the kids who are best at swimming, running, tennis, whatever, are often the ones whose parents - not just the kids themselves - put in lots of time on it. But, if they decide they've had enough (and we don't know in this case) fair enough, the kids are people too and shouldn't be forced into it.

I hated fresh air as a child. See also running about, playing games with sodding balls, swimming, badminton, digging in the fucking sand, going on long hill walks and getting muddy/wet/cold. Guess what the rest of my family liked doing? I am prepared to admit that swimming was something that I really needed to learn but I could really have done without the rest of it. Even if they'd just let me read my book by the side of the badminton or tennis court, that would have been tons better than being forced to 'have fun' doing something I loathed. The rest of them loved it so I just had to suck it up and be bored/cold/wet/cross.

But, yes, it's not the end of the world and better sailing in Wales than being left outside the pub with a lemonade and a bag of crisps (DH's main family activity).

MmeLindt Thu 25-Nov-10 09:45:20
"Cory
Our DC prefer to sit in front of the TV eating crisps but get dragged out for a walk. Once they are out they enjoy it. Would he enjoy a treasure hunt? We did that one time to get the DC running around town on a cold winter's day."

Nope, it's the being outside he dislikes. He does not like it once he is outside, he just whinges until we get home again. He has been doing this for several years. And he equally dislikes trips to historical sites, exhibitions, wildlife sites, open markets. As I said, he wants to stay at home and watch television.

If we spend most winter days and pretty well all days with poor weather inside, then the only way we can achieve compromise is if dh and I are at least able to spend the fine summers days outdoors in the country- otherwise we won't get anything like a fair division.

I think my biggest problem with this is that the sailing hobby seems totally dominate all family activities during the summer. Unless you actually love it then doing it 9 out of 10 weekends in the spring and summer will get very wearing. Also it might affect whether the children can pursue their interests at other times in the year particulary if their part of a sports team for example.

YANBU this sounds very typical of a lot of familys where the kids are pressured into conforming to what their parents want them to do, it often goes on until late teens. Its quite common in middle class familys and I do find it sad and it sounds to exactly what is happening here.

YADNBU

Having considered it, I think that it is quite encouraging to have so many people disagree with their parents and have a mind of their own. It is fairly inevitable that someone with a passionate hobby or interest will want to pass it on to their DC-but it is quite obvious that it fails completely, unless you have a like minded DC-which is luck.
It therefore follows that all those parents who don't want anyone to mention God to their DCs, because they don't themselves believe, or think their DC should be a Christian because they are, or who are against eating meat or won't let them visit McDonalds or have plastic toys or expect them to go to university etc etc have about a 50/50% chance of the DC turning around and saying 'my mother is a loon' which is a good thing IMO -I am all for DCs making up their own mind.
Having said that I don't see any harm in the sailing-they have had the opportunity-whether they take it up is for them to decide.
Bring up your DC however you decide (which might include half the year sailing) but just be as prepared for them to reject it as embrace it.

Pisces- shouldn't you allow your children to pursue and follow their own interests instead of just imposing yours on them. I like surfing and diving but I would never drag my ds along with me even though he doesn't like it in the hope that its fresh air and he might come to like it.

I take it this only happens during the summer? Surely they must just be making the most of any decent weather for good old fashioned family activities in the fresh air.

Sounds great to me - i'm sure there's lots of people out there who would love to be able to do this with their families during the summer.

I do seteer-if you read my earlier posts you would see that I have spent hours and hours on the touchline supporting football despite hating the game! It is give and take in a family and sometimes people get to do things they don't want to do-and that includes the DCs.

Its clear there are two very distinct camps on this, those that believe that the children should have to do it and those that don't. I do question whether long term forcing them to do it if they don't like it will lead to them liking it later in life. Some posters state the seriousness of feelings on this with some even being estranged from parents because of it. On the other hand though should you allow children to wrap parents round their fingers and pander to their every request.

To be honest if they really don't like it then they should stop as you're only a child once and you don't want your children looking back at their childhood hood with sadness and resentment.