to think this is really wrong

[orator]

I've got a friend who has 2 DS's and her H is sailing obsessed. Nearly every weekend in the spring/summer they take them down to Wales where they have a caravan and a boat and they go sailing. The kids don't really like it particulary the youngest but they are made to do it regardless. She says that the husband works hard and that his wages pay for their education (they go to private school) and so he deserves to pursue his hobby.
AIBU to think this is really wrong or do you agree with her

Sorry-forgot to quote! I was talking about being terrible to drag them away from their own home.

'I think my biggest problem is that they are being taken away from where they live to do this'

That should have been the quote.

"YANBU I can't think of anything worse for a 7 and a 9 yo to be doing then spending weekends in a caravan in Wales, 100 miles away from where they live".

I just don't get this. There are really an awful lot of things worse than spending weekends in a caravan in Wales. No way are they sailing all the time, it's impossible, they will be doing other things, some of which will be great fun, some of which might not be. I can't see how this is really the worst thing possible for 2 kids.

Nobody has said they hate sailing, the friend of the the OP said they don't really like it. So sometimes, they have to spend some time doing, among other things, something they don't like that much.

Why would weekends at home with trips to the supermarket and probably B&Q and the tip be so much better? Some weekends are lovely and lots of fun, some aren't, I don't think them being in a caravan in Wales changes that.

D

I say this because I bet their the only kids in their class who go to a caravan miles away from where they live at the weekend. Don't you think that they will want to spend their weekends at home and perhaps with their school friends. I know I did at that age and the thought of endless weekends away in a caravan would be horrifying prospect.

As a parent don't you want your children to be happy and to have as happier childhood as you can possibly provide. The fact the mother says they don't really like it means that they probably really don't like it but she is trying to preserve her husbands feelings so she maybe downplaying the level of the childrens objections.

Just because the children are not crying and screaming about how much they don't like it doesn't mean anything, some kids don't have the confidence to stand up to their parents even when they get into their teens. I know I only got the courage to say no to mine when I was 18-19. and so I got dragged round things I detested even as a teenager.

They are probably also the only kids in their class who have the opportunity to see lots of bits of the country that many others never get the chance to see, to watch dolphins and seals in their natural habitat and star-gaze away from light pollution.

Depends on the individuals concerned how much of a hardship it is considered to be.

'they will want to spend their weekends at home and perhaps with their school friends. '

Be serious! How many MNetters let their DCs out to call for school friends and play unsupervised? Not many judging by posts. Many of them loathe after school playdates so you can't tell me that they are going to give up their weekend having DCs around and half would say they are too young for sleepovers. They are much better off on a caravan site in Wales where they can play out with friends-I bet they are not the only regulars. It is different when they are teenagers who won't want to be taken away these are young DCs who don't get freedom at home.

Its not just about being with friends though is it although I do let my children out to play with their friends alone provided they don't go far. Its also about allowing the children to pursue their interests and hobbies which will be difficult to do if they are away for the majority of weekends through the spring and the summer.
Before you say it yes I do believe that childrens interests and activities should come before their parents. Posters such as reratio show what can happen if you steamroller over your childrens wishes and concentrate on what you want to do.

I also spent a lot of my childhood sailing with my parents despite my obvious dislike for it. I hated it with a passion and used to dread the summer months because I knew that every weekend would be consumed by my parents love for sailing and if we weren't sailing then we'd be doing something else maritime related. All these people who are saying it'll be great to get them into the outdoors and they'll learn to love it don't realise that if they don't like it by age 8 or 9 then they probably won't ever like it.

Oh and all these people who say that they've got the rest of the weekends to do what they want seem to miss that its difficult to join teams/clubs etc if you're going to vanish for 3 months during the summer. I help run a football and a cricket team and if you said that a child wanted to play but would be unavailible to play for the 3 summer months then we'd probably not take take them.

I wouldn't take my kids away from home for every weekend in the summer to anywhere. The fact that its staying in a caravan in Wales doesn't help the cause as its one of the last things I'd want to do but it isn't the main reason why I wouldn't do it

Being dragged off to do a whole range of activities is definitely good (though once in a while, a weekend at home doing 'nothing' in a Pooh bear sort of way should also be included in the mix). Having to do one thing most of the time because your dad is obsessive about it is not quite the same thing.

They sound like a great family and I bet those kids have got a whole set of other friends they meet up with in Wales. 100 miles is less than a 2 hour drive ffs,

Sailing is a wonderful activity to be involved in. At 7 and 9 they are just the right age to start messing about in their own dinghies. They will learn a whole range of skills sailing with their parents. They are outside in the fresh air and are under the watchful eye of the parents.

Can't think of a downside. Is it the caravan that's putting you off, maybe if they bought a cottage...

Am I the only person who thinks it perfectly possible to get out and about with your children but still stay at home. You don't have to take your children miles away from home and make them do something that they don't even like doing in order to give them "experiences". Even if you do think that this gives them experiences if they don't like them then will be bad experiences.
Just because you're not taking your kids on a particular outdoor activity doesn't mean you've got them cooked up in the house all day or that you do nothing but drag them round shopping centres.

Agree totally bna, what good are all these activities if the children don't actually like doing them. How will it build positive memories if the kids don't like it, when they get older they'll say remember when we had to go sailing in wales for all those weekends thank fuck we don't have to do that anymore.

Have you thought that they might not live near water bna? How do they keep them at home every weekend with nowhere to sail the boat.
A silly question the parents obviously sell the boat and 'devote' themselves to the DCs!
I bet if they are at private school their school friends are nowhere near to play with at weekends.

I give in!!Have it your own way-it is an absolutely dreadful thing to take your 2 young children to a rural area with water, open space, other children to play with, to sleep in a caravan and do some sailing and spend time with your family.

I take it that when your DCs say 'I hate going to Spain-it is too hot and boring' that you will stay at home with them? (Said by my neighbours DCs and still taken until they got to be teenagers and were left at home-as I expect the sailing ones will).

YABU

What's wrong with a paernt persuing a hobby and dragging the kids along?

I will stop reading. I have read some strange things on MN but this thread takes the biscuit! Words actually fail me!

pisces- you seem to missing the point that the youngest doesn't actually like it.

The youngest has said that they didn't like it to a neighbour-we have no proof as to how much he doesn't like it-or even if he really meant it. If he cried everytime he got in the boat they would have to stop. If I had given up with my DS skiing when he was young he wouldn't be really keen on it now and would have missed some wonderful holidays.

What?!?! People who actually do something with their children on week ends?!? call social services now!they are monsters surely!

My dad used to take us fishing most week ends and whilst standing near the fishing rod was really boring indeed, going investigating arround was a lot of fun. I expect that if the parents of the children in OP are really passionate about sailing they will teach a lot of fantastic stuff to their children, even if they cannot see it now. Good on them I say!

We have been twice in a caravan (well a tent) in Wales with the Dcs and have had a fab time! do not knock it til you try it

Or they might grow up resentful like some of the posters on this thread and end up with a strained relationship with their own children and may have little or no contact with their grandchildren.

Has it occurred to any of you that many keen sailors take their DCs off school and do a round the world trip or they go across the channel and live on the boat? Go to any marina in the summer and you will find whole families on holiday. These DCs we are discussing actually spend most of the time on dry land-they at least get off to eat and sleep.